Musings

2011-01-23T19:24:00.003-06:00

I know, I know. It's been forever again. But I've been busy! Right now I have a few minutes as I sit with Parker watching "Mama Mia." I finished working at the end of the year and promptly made a list of things I wanted to accomplish before the baby came. 2.5 weeks left, no baby yet, and the list is almost done! Despite the fact that I kept adding things to it such as vacuuming out the freezer, I have only two and a half things left on it, and I think I might be giving up on two of them. One of my to-dos was potty train Parker; granted I don't have a ton of control over that, but thankfully he decided he was ready. I had kind given up that it was going to happen soon, but was praying that it might for the sake of our diaper budget. One night he was playing a game and said " I need to go potty, I'll be right back." And so it's been more or less good since then. Still have a few issues to work out, but he's doing great and wearing underwear, so I'm happy. Along those lines, I had put on my list to move his clothes upstairs since he doesn't need the changing table anymore. But I think I'll leave that for later and save myself some steps. So, all that's left then is finishing my scrapbook/photobooks. I wanted to get Parker all caught up before there's another one to take pictures of. However I am tired of scrapbooking. So, I got all of this pictures that I had printed in his book and have vowed to never do another! For the rest of the pictures I have of him I'm working on a photo book on Snapfish. I took me a few hours one day to get all of his pictures laid out and captioned; now that's more my speed! Now that I know how quick and easy it is I'm going to try to get a few more done while I have the time. And then I can cross it off my list!

So, that's what I've been up to. Putting things on my list so that I can cross them off.:) And just as I'm getting my house cleaned out and set up and stocked so that I feel ready, my husband decided he needs a piano. Not a fan. It's a perfectly reasonable request, he's just got bad timing and I really don't want a big piece of less than useful furniture in my living room. So....yeah.

I should really update my blog...

2010-09-10T15:18:00.004-05:00

But for some reason I haven't felt any urge to write lately. It's not that there's not anything going on, but maybe just nothing that stirs my writing imagination? No new pictures to post really...I don't know. But maybe I'll try to post some recent highlights:
-Fall weather seems to be here and I love it. Cool nights and lovely days. Today is rainy and overcast; delightful. Not sure if this is here to stay or just a teaser, but I do love fall. The farmers are all anxious to get in the field and Mike's planning on starting next week. This rain won't help that goal any, but it's still not far in the future.
-Our church is officially pastor-less. They're moving out tomorrow and last night was the big discussion meeting with all the congregation there. It really wasn't as exciting as a lot of people were hoping for and is was organized by a Ph.d.'d facilitator who keep the yelling to a minimum. There was more I would've liked to say, particularly to certain people, but mostly the hope is that we can just put this behind us and move on. If we don't, who knows what will happen. Mike even talks of us changing churches and frankly, I'm glad. Not so much that I want to change, but I'm grateful that he would consider it. As was said last night, since he was "born into" this church I wasn't very confident that he "knew the way out." But since he is considering the need to move, it shows that he does. I'm really really hopeful that they will find a solid new pastor with great teaching...but I hear my hopes are not well founded considering the seminary candidates that they have to look at.
-I have gotten nothing done recently as far as exciting home projects go. Unless Parker's scrapbook counts. I'm really trying to hold my nose to the grindstone on that one and I have about 5 months to get it caught up. Finally gaining some momentum; I got to his first birthday!
-And that brings me to the fact that I guess I haven't mentioned on here that I am actually 18 weeks pregnant. Can I blame my lack of creative home accomplishments on that? I've been feeling pretty good for awhile now, but those first few months I was moving pretty slow. Even actually threw up a record of two times (it was none with Parker) apart from the food poisoning and flu times. But more energy and less nausea these days as long as I watch what I eat. Finally starting to look a little more pregnant but frustrated that a lot of the times I just look fat. I'm really paranoid about weight gain and body shape this time. I honestly think I'm doing all that I can and my doctor said that my weight was "perfect" but I am afraid of going back to square one when this one is born and having 50lbs. to loose again. No, I am not at this point wearing my size 8 jeans anymore. But I am still in the 10's (with a little help! more on that in a minute) and exercising everyday and trying to eat as smart as I can when I seem to have to eat almost every hour...Found a workout called "the perfect pregnancy workout" DVD that I've been doing. It's alright. Not very hard, but hopefully good for maintenance. One of the main things that I like is that I can do it everyday all the way through and not worry that I'm doing things I shouldn't. Apart from all that worry stuff, definitely enjoying this pregnancy better so far. For some reason I feel more qualified to be pregnant this time? Or maybe it seems more real? Not sure exactly, but I am somehow feeling more free to shop for maternity things, or enjoy feeling the baby move, or having people notice and not just feeling awkward. Can't explain that well...
-Ok, about the "help" I mentioned. This is my new love affair with proper undergarments. First I finally broke down and bought a $40 nursing bra. I never found one that I really liked with Parker, just bought a few cheap ones and tried to ignore the sagginess. But this time I was already hating all of my bras as I outgrew my "smaller me" ones and wasn't big enough for the "pregnant me" ones. So I ordered one that came highly recommended from "Mom's 4 Life" website (amazing site). And I LOVE it. I have never has a bra that fit so good: it evens me out, fits smoothly, doesn't feel like it needs to be pulled up all day, and is made in such a way that it will still fit even as "things" change and sizes fluctuate. So excited. Along with that I also ordered a "bella band" as I had heard them recommended before, but just had never tried it. They say that they can help all through and after pregnancy with clothes that just don't fit right by sucking in maternity pants that are a little too big, or holding tight regular pants that do everything but button well. And I am very much in that awkward between stage, so I thought I'd give it a shot. And I really like that as well. I'm back in my favorite jeans for awhile longer and also can wear my shorter shirts as this will cover the in between if need be. As I told Andrea "I felt so good that I put my heels on." It's amazing what a different a good foundation can make!
-And finally, potty training. Not a big fan. Definitely did not need to make my life harder, but really want to avoid two in diapers. I'll keep you posted. So far I'm doubting my timing.

So, that's about all I know right now. You're probably shaking your head at my excitement over bras and training pants but hey, your day may come when those sorts of things make a big difference in how your life goes as well. In the meantime, the weekend is only 20 minutes away from me!

Things that Make Me Mad

2010-08-19T11:13:00.002-05:00

Hehe, ask me sometime about a funny story that starts with that line. :)
But in the meantime, an unfunny story:
There's been lots of drama at our church and consequently my job lately. Our executive council finally asked the pastor to resign and he did, but not happily. For "us" on the inside, we've seen it coming for a long time but apparently a large number of the congregation did not (need to get more involved in your church people!). So I've been getting phone messages that say how certain people are "shocked and grieved." Whatever.Delete. Answering machines are great in my line of work. They feel that the pastor must have been wronged and therefore they have been also because they haven't had a good explanation. They're right about that last part, there has not been a good explanation that has gone out, but it's largely because the explanation really doesn't look good on the pastor...I'm still not sure what the council is going to do about that, but back to the part that makes me mad. Two days ago one of those who feel "shocked and grieved" got a hold of the mass e-mail list that we use to send out prayer requests to the entire church (reason #1 to use blind copy) and proceeded to send out an "URGENT MESSAGE" to the church (yes she used caps lock several times) to say how this was all so wrong and "we" need to get the pastor back and all the stuff he's done for "our church," etc. Ok, so she has an opinion, that's fine. But she does not have all the facts. And she also does not have the right to use the Prayer Chain list for airing her personal opinion particularly because she does not even know how to change the subject line so this lovely epistle went out bearing the subject "Re: Praise Chain for LeRoy C." Poor LeRoy, he did not want his name attached to that. And finally, all of this "our church" junk? The regular attenders do not even know who this lady is, nobody's ever seen her in "our church." I happen to know her name because she's scheduled to be married here in a few months, but I don't know her face. I really want to erase her wedding from the calendar out of spite. :P

New Pictures

2010-08-04T11:14:00.008-05:00

For some reason I kept forgetting to get the pictures from this last month off my camera. So, here are some updates finally.

If you look closely you can see him saying "Mama, get me off!" But apparently he warmed up to it because he still talks about that train ride with great fondness.

Wiki stick glasses.

Some pictures from my mom's wedding for any interested parties:

Loving the splash park. Even if it did only last 10 minutes before his diaper literally fell off.

4th of July with his good buddy, Wesley.

This is Parker and his first official trip to the Iowa State Campus. He was a fan of the water fountain.

2010-07-15T10:46:00.002-05:00

My two year old calls me "Archibald."
Why? You may ask.
Veggie Tales.
At least he shows a good propensity for pretend because he also wants me to call him Junior (Asparagus).
He also saw a plunger and said "Superhero."
Yup, Larryboy.

Wait, I changed my mind. I don't want to be a parent.

2010-07-15T09:26:00.002-05:00

I've been reading the book "Shepherding a Child's Heart," this week. Great book. I really like the author's approach to relationship with your kids, including discipline, authority, and communication. He stresses that he's looking for a biblical method to parenting and I feel that he's hit upon that, and it's much more balanced than say "Baby Wise." :P However, it leaves me feeling woefully inadequate and overwhelmed. So much so that I'm thinking, wait! I'm not cut out for this job, never mind I just won't be a parent. Fortunately, or unfortunately, it's too late for backing out. How am I ever going to remember everything? And do it right? Say the right things at the right time? And always be looking for opportunities to turn them back to the gospel? I mean, if I screw this up, it's people's lives on the line. I really can't take that much credit...ultimately it's up to them and God, but I am feeling a lot of pressure right now. And really praying that Mike will also read this book and we will be able to team up on this. He's not really much of a reader, but I'm hoping that God will get him into this one, because even more overwhelming that trying to parent the way I feel the Bible calls us to, is trying to do it alone. Or even just trying to pass on all that I'm learning while I'm also trying to learn it myself and put it in to practice. I did find a quote on a friend's blog, from another friend's blog, to be encouraging:
"God doesn’t call us to be comfortable. He calls us to trust Him so completely that we are unafraid to put ourselves in situations where we will be in trouble if He doesn’t come through." –Francis Chan
That's me in this position; in trouble if God doesn't come through. But He does promise to come through. The same proverb keeps coming back to me "If we call out for insight and cry aloud for understanding...then you will find the fear of the Lord and you will understand the knowledge of God."
This book hasn't been only frightening though, I've also found a bit of freedom from the unbiblical parenting goals that I am tempted towards. My most dangerous being the desire for well behaved children. Not that the author says this desire is wrong, it's just not big enough, and it leaves us susceptible to parenting and disciplining to please whomever is watching. That's a problem that I have. Particularly with my nephews who often appear to me to be the perfect children. So when I'm with them I find my self getting so frustrated with Parker because he doesn't toe the line like they do. Their parents don't put this pressure on me, I put it on myself, but it's just so hard to remember that Parker's different from those boys and I really don't want to teach him to behave to earn the approval of others but rather for the glory of God. The heart issue, that's what they say it really comes down to; what is going on in their heart, not the behavior. And we need to teach them to determine and deal with those issues and then we're really teaching them how to live.

2010-07-09T10:56:00.004-05:00

Has my life gotten so boring that I can't even find anything to blog about? Surely not. But even after all this time of not posting, I still can't think of anything to write. Apart from a few funny things that Parker has said...so I guess I'll put those up , and maybe some pictures. I apologize for the lack of excitement, but I'm only even doing this because I can't find anything better to be doing.

This is Parker and his friend Wesley after swimming, nude, in the dog wading pool. They had fun.

These are also with Wesley and Eli, at the park on Memorial Day.

I've got some more shots from the 4th of July and stuff, so I'll put those up once I get my camera back from where it's lost.
So, one funny thing that Parker says a lot is whenever his diaper is uncomfortable he grimaces and says "somebody pinching you!" Guess we should work on his pronouns.
The other day he actually went potty in his potty, so when he got up and I showed it to him he pumped both fists in the air with a "woot!"
We also had the flu this week, Parker and I at the same time, which was kinda tricky. So we had a bucket and we laid on the couch and took turns using it. At one point, I went to throw up and came back to out Parker and he goes "You ok, Mom?" I said "Yeah, I'm alright." "You just need bucket to feel better?" "Yeah, Parker."

Anniversary

2010-07-01T09:35:00.003-05:00

I know, it's been a long time. Sorry. And this post isn't even very exciting. Just thought I should probably say something since this weekend marks one year since I started this blog and my 52 week endeavor to loose weight. And so I am celebrating my own independence day from, well myself? I am 50lbs. lighter than I was last year at this time and so much more comfortable with my body. According to sizes, I have lost half of myself :) and that feels pretty good too. As well as hopefully just set in place some life long healthy eating habits. I know I've really been enjoying this summer so far, thinking "last year at this time, I looked like that..." :) Enjoying this freedom.

You never know what he's going to say...

2010-05-28T15:41:00.002-05:00

Parker enjoys playing with the old coffee pots in the church kitchen. I heard him say today "What's in it?" and turn around to see him standing in it, and then he added "need my hat." :)

Sleep Training

2010-05-27T12:27:00.003-05:00

To all those "experts" that say you have to let a baby "cry it out" or they'll never learn to put themselves to sleep, I offer Parker as exhibit A that they're wrong. To all those same or other experts that say never, never, never let your children sleep in your bed because they'll still be there when they're 5, I offer Parker as exhibit B that they're also wrong.
Anybody that I talk to much knows how Parker's lack of sleep has been a frustration for us since day one. We tried everything we could come up with, but he just didn't want to go to sleep or stay asleep very often. I even resorted to the "crying it out" option, because of guilt that I was spoiling him, even though it went against everything my heart said and made me cry too. I don't care about those "experts" that say that "they actually enjoy working themselves up to throwing up." I still regret that I let that happen as many as two times, before I finally gave up. Yes, until he was around 1 1/2 he was still being nursed to sleep and he was still sleeping part time in our bed and part on a mattress next to our bed. But you know what? When we were all ready to move on, it happened so easily. I was terrified of weaning particularly because Parker attached it to bed time. But we worked up to it, and there were never any tears on that account. Granted, we didn't do it till he was two, but that was kinda what I'd planned all along, and it was good for us. This week we have made the move to put Parker in his own room. This was delayed some because "his room" is all the way upstairs from us, and I just didn't relish the midnight trips up and downstairs, or the thought of him falling down the stairs in a sleepy stumble. But Monday we did move him; made it a big deal of sleeping in his own room and with his "Lightening McQueen" blanket. The first night he didn't come down once (once he went to sleep). A whole night of sleep for me; whoo hoo! That was way better than I expected though, so the next night with 4 or 5 trips upstairs for me was a little more up to speed. Last night though, he again stayed up there the entire night. I don't think this is the end of it, he is only two after all. There's still the getting to sleep struggle some nights, but that is age as much as anything. But I'm thrilled with the progress and the fact that he likes sleeping in his own room. He's not scared of being so far from us and in general he likes to sleep. He will tell me that he's tired or that he wants to take a nap. He's come to Mike a few times while I've been gone and told him it was bedtime. That to me says we did ok. That's not to say that the way we did these tricky aspects of "sleep training" are for everyone; every child is different and so is their family. But it is to say that the "experts" are not always right and don't create unnecessary regrets by doing things the way they say you have to if it's not right for your child. More often than not, things work out in time and they work out with so much less pain. Maybe more prayer, but less pain. :)

You are My Sunshine

2010-05-14T12:55:00.002-05:00

On Fridays Parker always gets to play the drums and piano as I put the bulletins around the sanctuary. Usually he just pounds away with a bit grin on his face. Today however, he planned long before we got in there "Mom, I'm going to play "You my sunshine" on pan-o." Ok...and he does, the second verse of the Veggie Tales version however. He sits down at the piano and then carefully plays the keys and sings "God luv shunshine (God's love is sunshine.)." Then a little more uptempo playing and equally enthused singing of the same words. After that he decided to move on to the drums and actually had two sticks on two different drums, and was hitting the bass drum with the pedal as he sang "God luv shunshine, God luv shunshine. Today! Today! Evybody want to be a cat!" :) Quite the little concert.

And that's been the most interesting thing that's happened to me lately. I'm bored and restless about that. I really want to go somewhere, ideally Ames. But we're trying not to blow our gas budget so badly this month and so going to Ames with no good reason does not fit well with that plan. It's not that I'm bored because I've nothing to do; I'm bored because the things I have to do do not excite me. I guess I just want to be entertained or something. And I'm really wishing I lived somewhere that I could ride my bike to things to do and not have to drive everywhere. *Sigh* Don't know what I'm going to do this weekend now, but I really don't want to waste it in boredom and a bad mood. Accomplishing things would be nice, but I don't have any of the parts that I need to accomplish the projects that need doing and I've recently been informed that it will be too expensive to try to make a windowseat for my kitchen. *Sigh* In a funk.

Ok, I'll stop complaining now. Really, I should be spending more time pondering the lessons I've been gleaning from "Madame Blueberry" this week. We just got the soundtrack from that movie and so I've heard the songs several times and am impressed at just how much is in there. If you don't know the story; Madame Blueberry is always sad and depressed because she doesn't have enough stuff, or maybe just not the right stuff. She sings about how her things are not as nice as her neighbors things and she actually has pictures of her neighbors things around her house and she spends her time thinking about them and this makes her cry. Wow. Might seem extreme, but really, wasn't that just what I was doing? Working myself into a bad mood as I pondered the pictures in my head of the things I would like to have or be doing right now? Just because the pictures aren't framed and on my mantle doesn't make them any less dangerous. Madame goes on to learn that she will never have enough "things" to make her happy but instead she must learn to be content and the secret to being content is a "happy heart." She learns a simple little song to that end and it's just the sort that gets stuck in your head: "A thankful heart is a happy heart. I give thanks for what I have, that's an easy way to start. For a God that really cares, and he listens to our prayers. That's why we say thanks everyday." Simple but profound. And never fails to pull me up short when it rings in my head and reveals my discontented heart. In the words of Madame Blueberry "That's what I want; a happy heart! What aisle are the happy hearts in?"

The Circus

2010-05-07T14:27:00.004-05:00

Yesterday, Parker and I had a fun afternoon of going to the circus and supper. Mike was in the field and no body else was able to go, so it was just him and I off for a little adventure. The anticipation was fun in and of itself; Parker was talking about seeing the elephants and tigers and saying hi to them. I'm not a huge circus fan, and it proved to be cheesy as circuses tend to be, but I think Parker enjoyed it. It was a long show, two hours almost, but he did a great job sitting still and watched it. We even got a close up of the elephants and ponies. After it was done we went to McDonald's for supper, poor kid had never been to sit down in McDonald's. He was very excited because there was a slide in the building and a clown on the high chair. I told him the clown's name was Ronald McDonald and he exclaimed "Old McDonald had a clown!" (he's very into clowns after a circus). We ate ketchup and french fries and played a bit and then made a trip to Wal-mart. It was a fun evening. Don't know if Parker will ever remember it, but I will. I'm glad my two year old is, at least generally, good company. :)

Various Things

2010-05-05T11:08:00.002-05:00

-I rode my bike around both lakes for the first time this season last night. It was a bad choice of nice. Ubber windy. I few times I thought it was going to blow my wheels right out from under me. And with the cart on the back I had a lot of drag going on. So I headed into the wind at the start and the whole time I was thinking that it would be worth it because it would be so much easier on the second half. The only problem is that there was a storm front going through and by the time I got to the second half the wind has switched! So I was going into the wind the entire time. So hard at times that I had to get off and push because I could not pedal against it. Now that it's over, I'm grateful for the hard work. But gesh!
-Trying to decide about doing the Women's Bible study at camp this summer. It's another Beth Moore study, and I do enjoy those. And I know it will probably be good and challenging and help me keep my mind in the right place. But I'm always hesitant to commit my time to anything. And I don't have a good plan for what to do with Parker yet. So I told God that I would do it if He gave me a good solution for Parker. But the description came out for it today and it really didn't get me excited at all. So, hm...
-On the other hand I'm really enjoying my personal Bible Study. Reading through the Bible chronologically, but also studying the book "Having a Mary Spirit" by Joanna Weaver. She's got some good stuff. The point being that we have to stop trying to change ourselves and get ourselves out of the way so that Christ can do it. Also still memorizing the book for Proverbs. Started chapter 6 this month. They're really running together, but I love having so much in my head. So far to go though!
-My "mentee" with the KITA program and I have not been hooking up too well. She's busy with track, so we've not seen each other this month. I've contacted her a few times, but she doesn't seem to eager. That's rather discouraging, but I was introduced to another girl that was interested in having a mentor relationship. In the two times we've hung out I've been really impressed with her enthusiasm and eagerness to talk. Her family situation is interesting, so I'm just trying to listen for what God wants me to be saying and doing here. Hopefully it will go somewhere...
-Yesterday I went to visit my Grandpa again, and while there I asked him to tell me more about what he believes as a Christian Scientist. He seemed rather happy to have my interest. So he gave me some stuff to read and told me a bit about his background in it. I really don't know where this is going to go either. I was praying for Grandpa not so long ago and this is what God told me to do, to just ask him. I mean I'd love to turn him from the error of his ways and this religion that, from what I know so far, rather disturbs me. But this is the only step I know of so far, so we'll see I guess.
-Parker picks up on stuff so fast; little phrases from movies, lines from songs, things that I say. It's convicted me that I really need to work harder to fill this little mind with good things. I know part of it is "mommy guilt" that I could always do more. But also really I think I should give him some more focused teaching rather than letting him learn whatever. We've worked on Bible verses on and off, but I think it's time to do them a bit more.
-Ticks. I hate them. Makes my skin crawl just thinking about them. And I found 4 in 3 days!! Two on me!! Nasty!
There's probably more, but I'd better get back to working.

Throughly Chastised

2010-05-03T12:40:00.002-05:00

After my emphatic post concerning the church retreat, I also had a conversation on the same topic and ended up being thoroughly chastised for being "offensive and belittling." I know my heart, and I know that it tends to be filled with pride and I also know the Bible verse that says "the heart is deceitful above all things, who can trust it?" So I decided to go the route of humility and assume that my accuser was completely correct in what was said. Not a pleasant feeling nor following days of self-reflection. I have before been convicted of an ugly attitude of "I could do it better" when it comes to this place that I live and this church. God says I'm supposed to love His church but it's coming really hard for me this time. Maybe I have come across as "offensive and belittling" to everyone and that is why I haven't made any friends in two years? Depressing thought. And yet I know my attitude is still far from right. So the conclusion so far is this: to pray for God to change my heart in this area, even though I have no desire in that direction, but I know it's right. And in the meantime, ascribe to the age old motherly advice "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything." Mouth Shut.

T.O.'d

2010-04-30T09:35:00.002-05:00

This shouldn't make me so annoyed, but none the less I am and need to vent: So "our" church is planning their first ever All Church Retreat for later this summer. Since Mike and I have been on a lot of retreats and are generally for them, they asked if we would help plan it. Sure, I figured, it would give me some say into making it good. Mike wrote out a good starter schedule with ideas and presented it at a meeting Wednesday night. They liked it, except for two points that irk me. 1. They didn't like the idea of a "date night" for couples to have some time together. Now that certainly isn't a required part of the schedule, and since we do have single people in our church, I'm totally fine with not having one so as not to highlight that difference. However, I feel like the reason that "they" didn't want to have it was because there's this unspoken segregation that exists and any chance for male and female to work or study or interact together (even married) is discouraged. Everything here is "women's ministry" or "men's fellowship." We tried a Bible Study for couples once, no one came. Frustrating. 2. The second and bigger issue for me is that they decided to not bring in an outside speaker. For me a retreat is a block of time set aside for concentrated study of God, the Bible, and its directives for my life with a group of people also wanting to know God better and do life his way. "Fellowship" is nice, games are nice, "testimonys" are nice, but I want a focus, a chance to learn, to go into a depth that we can't do in 20 minutes on a Sunday morning. Like I said to Mike "what do these people have against depth??!!" They want to have people from within the church speak and share testimonys. I'm not denying that God could use that, and that there are some great people with good messages in this church, but I just feel like we're missing out on a chance to focus. And I feel like they're afraid or something of a real challenge that an "outsider" might bring. I guess mostly I'm just disappointed; I am so hungry for the "solid food" that Paul speaks of and I was hoping that this would be a chance that I could, along with this "church family" I'm supposed to be a part of, really get some meat. I connect best with others when we learn and grow together. What's the point of this retreat if it doesn't have , well, a point? I'm not sure I want to go anymore.

Weekend Plans

2010-04-22T10:46:00.002-05:00

Going to a Bebo Norman concert tonight and excited for it. I'm not a big concert person, but I do really enjoy Bebo Norman's music and it's about as close as good concerts get around here, so I'm excited about that. Also it's fun to have something different to do than go to work or go to Fort Dodge for groceries. Not sure yet if I'm going with just Parker or not, but hopefully that will be ok. This weekend is the same story; going to a wedding and hoping that it will rain so that Mike will come. :D Except even rain is no guarantee because then he might need to be at camp. So we'll see. Mostly my plans are really up in the air. But I'm learning to do better with that. I'm also still waiting for black toner for my copier so that I can print the fifty-million things I need to be printing right now...and trying not to think of the yummy chex mix in the kitchen.

I know, it's been awhile again.

2010-04-16T13:09:00.002-05:00

Oh well, maybe I don't need to blog as much because I finally have a real person to talk to in person, frequently. :D

I did have a few thoughts for today though. The first one being about learning the discipline of listening. I've been reading "Sacred Parenting" by Gary Thomas (have not read anything by this guy that isn't amazing). Rather than trying to tell you the "right" way to parent, he writes about all the ways he feels God has made him more Christlike through the divine tool of parenting. One of those things he has learned is how to really listen. Listen to his kids yes, but mostly to listen for God throughout his day, giving him insight and answers to questions he doesn't even know need asking. Kinda the little nudges that we can brush off as an idea not worth acting on, but that we should really pay attention to. So I've begun praying that God would help me listen and one of first things he told me was during a time when I way praying for Mike and this planting season. Can't say I'm a big fan of planting or harvest. A large part of that is how Mike is continually discouraged by working with his dad so much and that greatly affects his attitudes and actions when ever he might get to spend time with us. I've heard many times how a guy needs his wife to maintain their home as a sort of oasis for him; someplace he can count on being restful and peaceful when he comes home from the pressure of the working world. One of the first ways to do that is to not bombard him with all of your issues the minute he walks in the door. So anyway, thinking and praying about all this, and I feel like God really pointed out to me that the kind of oasis Mike needs, particularly this time of year, is one that is affirming and accepting and honoring. Not that he doesn't need that all of the time, but just that right now, that would make a really huge difference for us, if I would focus on that. Mike hasn't said such a thing,and I really wouldn't be surprised if he's really never even formed a complete thought on such a topic, but I'm pretty sure he also wouldn't turn the offer down. :) As I type this out, it feels very simplistic and silly; any reader is going, duh, you think that's something special God told you? But, I don't know...I guess what I liked was that I felt that I heard God be specific. I often get overwhelmed by how many thing I could improve on as a wife, and it was nice to have Him sort of go "here, focus on this. This is what he needs most right now." Yesterday, I was praying for mom quite a bit, and it occurred to me to send her flowers. My next thought, was "nah, silly, unnecessary." But I did it anyway, along with a verse that had jumped out at me. Later, Mom called to say that that was just perfect, verse and all. So, good...yeah...God promises that if we call out, cry aloud, and search for insight and understanding that He will give it. So, I'm counting on that.

I don't remember what else I was going to say...drat. Oh well, back to website stuff. Oh for taking on tasks that I know nothing about.

Two Funerals and Two Weddings

2010-04-08T11:26:00.002-05:00

I know I haven't actually written in awhile. It's not that nothing's going on. Just nothing I can really write about here and sent out into that "cosmic nothing." Maybe someday.
In the meantime I am pondering the issue of two funerals and two weddings. Back in February we had a funeral for my Grandma, however there was so much snow that they couldn't bury her. So, they're scheduling another funeral for either April 24 or May 1. The problem with that is that I currently have weddings to go to on both of those dates. And on the 24th particularly, I don't want to miss it as it's a good friend from high school that I'd really like to reconnect with. As Mike said "it's hopefully her only wedding..." and then he paused as we both realized that is her only wedding but it would be Grandma's second funeral. Not to be insensitive, but...hahahahahah. That's a really funny problem. How often do you have that issue? So, still not sure what I'm going to do, but for the moment amused with the problem.

In my Bible Study this morning I was struck with the verses in Galatians 6 about "God cannot be mocked: a man reaps what he sows. He who sows to please the sinful nature will reap destruction, but he who sows to please the Spirit will reap eternal life..." My book asked, as I struggle against my sinful nature and sins that just keep tripping me up, who do I really want to win? I might say that I want to do what's right, but am I actually sowing to please the sinful nature? Of course my mind went first to living in a godly marriage and how, especially recently, we've seemed to be on a downward slope of division, irritability, and unkindness. Now I pray about it, and think about it, and worry about it, but what kinds of seeds am I sowing throughout my day. If I spend my day allowing negative thoughts, or reading books with unrealistically "romantic" marriages, or even using up all my energy so that I don't have any left at night, how can I expect to "reap" a pleasant evening of fellowship? I really appreciated that insight. Actually, my inner Quaker came out and I was wishing for some "open worship" time to share what I'd learned. :)

Belated Birthday

2010-04-01T12:44:00.004-05:00

When uploading the Milo photos I found these from Parker's party at camp so I thought I'd share. This first one shows Parker pretty close to heaven; what more could a boy want?

The addition of Milo

2010-04-01T10:22:00.003-05:00

All of a sudden we have a really big dog and a really little dog. They look really funny together. Keep in mind that Mike and I never really planned on having more than one dog. And neither one of us really like small dogs either. However here we are the proud new owners of Milo, a Jack Russell Terrier. I've had a weakness for that breed ever since "Wishbone" and Mike knew the dog and knew he was very well behaved and sans the annoying hyper-ness that is prevalent in little dogs. A lady that he works with needed to get rid of Milo, and we thought that maybe he'd be good company for Edelweiss and knew that Parker would enjoy having a dog more his size. And boy does he ever. Parker calls Milo "baby puppy" and gets worried when he gets out of sight. It's even more exciting to Parker that Milo gets to ride in the car and come in the house. He's a pretty excited little guy and everything that Milo does is hilarious. Milo for his part does well putting up with Parker but is still getting used to the loud and spastic actions.I don't think I'll mind have a dog in the house as he really does listen really well and cleans up all of Parker's messes. And he sleeps in the basement with Moses. Poor Moses; as if life in the basement could get any worse. :) Here's a few pictures.

Messed up

2010-03-26T12:59:00.002-05:00

That's me. I don't have much else to say, because anything I say isn't going to be good. I'm just messed up, and praying for a reprieve soon. Not really sure what I can do to help it. Or at least the options aren't attractive.
One thing I do know though: I don't like the "new" voice of Mr. Whittaker. Why do they keep having to change it?

Busy Week

2010-03-19T11:28:00.002-05:00

Lots to do this week getting ready for a sort of family "retreat" at camp this weekend. All my brothers and family, and Mom and Andrea are coming to stay, Friday through Sunday. I'm looking forward to some fun; they're pretty crazy when they all get together. But first there is the packing and cooking of food. We're doing some meals and buying some, so I'm on for tonight with crock pot lasagna. It wouldn't be that big of deal if I didn't have to work these last three days, and if I had stayed home and did stuff instead of going to a friend's house until late. :) But it was worth it; it wasn't so long ago that I didn't have that option. So the work can wait! And that led me to decide to just leave church early today and go home and do stuff; so really it's a double bonus.
We're having another birthday party for Parker there too (did I already say that?) and so I'm getting stuff together for that. And even made and decorated a "Curious George" cake for him. Not sure if I will post a picture of it or not...I'm not terribly proud of it. Why didn't I let Mike decorate it? He's the artist. I was almost in tears at one point, but as Andrea said I "pushed through" and it turned out at least recognizable. Parker had a big grin when he saw it so that is what counts. Although my brothers will probably laugh at it. :P Parker is of course excited and asks me several times a day if he can have birthday cake yet. And he can't wait for Nolen and Gabe to come. At least I'm not the only excited one. :)

A dithering creature

2010-03-17T09:52:00.004-05:00

It's been awhile since I posted again. I just don't get online much when I'm at home. Too many other things to be doing. Been rather busy so far this week. Planning a retreat of sorts with my family this weekend at camp so I've been shopping for that and the included b-day party for Parker, had to travel to Clarion for a party with the great-parents, had company for supper Monday night, and then last night also last minute although they brought their own food. In the midst of that trying to keep up exercising and a regular bedtime for Parker. I had all of these clever insights to write this morning right after I drank my coffee, but they have since faded. Oh well, must not have been that insightful.
Oh, I do remember one of the thoughts though: For the most part I don't complain about being female, because well, it's kinda like the weather, what am I going to do about it? But one thing that annoys me is that when I'm in a bad mood and everything seems bad I can't really know. Is it PMS? Am I pregnant? Have I just not had enough caffeine today? Or do I really have an issue? It gets frustrating really. I mean I know "the heart is deceitful above all things. Who can trust it?" So there's that too. It just makes myself rather hard to live with. :P I tend to do better with my moods if I know what the real cause is; then it can be dealt with and I can move on. Otherwise, it might just PMS but not being able to determine that I blame it on my poor husband and create an issue. It's just messy. Along those lines, I read this great stuff from Lewis this morning in my devotional: "Faith...is the art of holding on to things your reason has once accepted, in spite of your changing moods...unless you teach your moods "where to get off," you can never be either a sound Christian or even a sound atheist, but just a creature dithering to and fro, with its beliefs really depending on the weather and the state of its digestion."

Happy Birthday to Parker

2010-03-10T11:30:00.003-06:00

#2 is more fun than #1 I think, because Parker is way into his birthday this year. He's been talking about his Curious George "plates, napkins, balloons" and singing "happy to you Parker" for awhile now. He gets really excited and waves his arms whenever there's a new gift to open. This morning at work we had a few of Parker's friends and adopted grandparents come for cupcakes and coffee. That was pretty fun. I just enjoyed watching how many people love him and was glad that he gave them hugs and nicely said "'nanks a coming!" Next weekend we're having a "big" party at camp with cousins and aunts and uncles and grandpa and grandma. And Wesley; Parker specifically requested "Wesley come to party." Hard to refuse that. We're really keeping it pretty simple because it doesn't take much to delight him and mostly he just likes being the center of attention. And eating "birthday cakes." I cheated though and made him banana cupcakes that are actually pretty healthy and then doused them in cream cheese frosting; so I don't mind if he eats a few in a day. :) Here's some pictures of the birthday boy:

2010-03-03T09:12:00.002-06:00

I just had this conversation with Parker after he brought me a toy raccoon that he found that another little boy had forgotten (keep in mind that he's not yet even 2):
"Mama, 'dis, pitty."
"Oh, is that Jack's raccoon?"
"Pitty hand."
"Yeah, I think Jack must have left that here."
"I don't think so, mama. Parker hold it."
"You want to play with it? You can play with it now, but we need to take it to Jack later."
" I don't think so."
"Yes, we need to take it back to Jack, or he will be sad."
"No sad, Jack."
"Right, so we need to take him back his toy."
"I don't think so. Parker take it."
"No, you play with it now and we'll take it back to Jack later."
"I don't think so, Mama. "

I don't know where that "I don't think so" came from, but he says it all the time now. He amazes me with his ability to express what he's really thinking. And he's already exhibiting selfishness. :P

The guy at the funeral home was right,

2010-02-26T11:03:00.004-06:00

February is a really long month. We started it with chicken pox. Then Grandma getting sicker and finally dying. Then Parker gets the flu. Then I get the flu. Now it appears that Parker has that RSV virus, which looks like a really bad cold and cough that keeps us both up all night. Sprinkle that with a few good snow storms that cancel plans and make travel difficult. Phew. I'm not really trying to complain here, just kinda overwhelmed. And Mike's been super busy at work and with church stuff and so I'm kinda getting to the end of my rope with parenting day and night. Like I told Christy, it's even harder with the fact that I can't stomach coffee since having the flu and so I can't count on that pick-me-up! One of the rules for finding contentment in life is to never wish you were somewhere else. As I was doubled over the toilet puking my guts out, I wondered if that still applied?
On the positive side, I did loose 5lbs. via puking and last night when I weighed on the Wii it said "that's normal" for my BMI for the first time ever! That was kinda exciting. Being sick appears to have gotten me past that plateau that I'd been at for the last two months. Just as long as I can stick my landing! (comes of watching the Olympics at 2 a.m. this morning!) Also, Parker has made great strides in bedtime routines. So much so that last night he put himself to bed! He disappeared while I was exercising and when I went to find him he was snoring away in his bed with the blanket pulled up over him. That's a far cry from the 3 hour nurse/cry/nurse issues we used to have every night. I thank God for this blessing every night. So much for those experts that say that they'll never learn to put themselves to sleep if you don't let them "cry it out." Not only does he know how to put himself to sleep, he also likes to sleep, and begs for nap time. :) I'll enjoy that while it lasts.
Also looking forward to company coming this weekend. The very good, Bible reading, coffee drinking, deep conversation kind of company that I've been needing. So excited. Just hoping Parker gets to feeling better so that we can enjoy it.

Leg Shaving and the Law of Moses

2010-02-19T12:56:00.002-06:00

So, I was thinking the other day, my legs grow hair at an astonishing pace because God made them to. So that hair must have a purpose then musn't it? So then is it unwise for me to shave it off? Is it only vanity and conforming to the social norm? Yes, I find it gross to not shave, but that is largely due to the culture I've been raised in. I certainly wouldn't say it is sinful to shave because I don't know of anywhere that God specifically states that you should not. Perhaps if I were doing it with a rebellious heart it would be; that being after I had had a directive from God that I should not shave and did it anyway. What if my husband did not want me to shave but I did? That would be not submitting and so most likely indicative of a heart issue that was sinful so therefore shaving in that instance would be sinful. But I'm not in that scenario either, I'm just wondering. Because it has to be there for some reason and I don't want to be unwise. But maybe leg hair is a result of the fall and therefore no longer serving it's created purpose and therefore can and should be removed? I just don't know. "'tis a puzzlement!"

The week in review:

2010-02-12T12:21:00.002-06:00

I've been struggling with bordem this week. Not so much that I have nothing to do, but that I'm bored with what I do have to do. This presents two problems: 1. I eat when I'm bored and 2. I get emotional and start blowing up those balloons to throw a pity party for lack of anything better to do. So I've been fighting off those two extremes with varying degrees of success.

My appetite has been crazy; I've been wanting to eat everything I shouldn't and constantly. It didn't help that I made an amazing pan of brownies on Monday with the plan of taking them to a friend on Tuesday and then I didn't go so those evil things stayed in my house. Warm, with a little peppermint ice cream....But even sunflower seeds, I just keep eating. One thing that contributes to this is that I've been trying to cut back on my 3 a day coffee habit so I have a caffeine-deficit and am trying to fill that hole with food. If I were wise and disciplined I would be doing that with fiber and vitamin filled fruits and vegetables, right? Nope, cheez-its would be where I head in the afternoon. :P Another thing that I was pondering today was that I haven't had any meat for about the last week; the same amount of time that I've really been feeling just hungry all the time. Last night I had some chicken for supper and this morning I was just fine. Ate my oatmeal for breakfast and made it through to lunch without being ravenous. Interesting,no? Could it be that I am in reality craving meat and the nutrients there-in and finally having some could have that far reaching of affects? It's worth keeping in mind, I think.

As for the emotionalism, I think and pray that I have avoided attending the party. At least I don't think I've bitten my husband's head off. And he has greatly improved my outlook by booking us a Valentine's Day get away to Ames and the Gateway hotel. Wasn't that sweet? I had told him that he didn't have to do anything, and really meant it. I've been focusing on how he does loving things all year, like shovel the snow and take out the garbage. But he certainly went over and above with this, and I really appreciate it, because I need a change of scenery. And it shows that he knows what I like which is the part that really counts. Now if only the weather will cooperate to get us down there...

Dairy Queen in the morning

2010-02-06T17:41:00.003-06:00

I'd been hankering for a blizzard; maybe something suggested by the weather or something. At any rate, Parker and I are kinda bored since all of our plans for the weekend have been canceled due to the chicken pox. So we were at Dairy Queen by 10:30 this morning and it was fun. Parker was delighted with his "ice cream star" (dilly bar) and we spent a nice half hour as the only people in the restaurant, probably because they'd only been open for 30 minutes. :D

2010-02-05T12:36:00.002-06:00

This is a real dilemma: I'm hungry for Panera. A good bowl of black bean soup, hunk of french bread, and a hazelnut coffee. However the closest Panera I know of is in Ames and if I'm going to go to Ames, then I've got to eat at the Cafe. It appears that the only real solution would be to spend the entire weekend in Ames and then I would be able to enjoy both places to my stomach's content. :D Not that my life is centered on my stomach...:P

Exploring the Pox

2010-02-03T09:54:00.002-06:00

Parker has the chicken pox; no big deal, I consider it a rite of childhood and they really don't seem to bother him too much. He's been sleeping great and other than me noticing him itching a little more, he hasn't acted sick at all. I'm keeping him in turtleneck onesies so that he has as little access to scratch them as possible. So far so good. For some reason though, as I watch them spread they make me more and more nauseous. Some about little blistered dots all over my son's body really grosses me out. It's even worse when I spread lotion on him, trying to keep the itchiness down, and I have to feel them....eeeeeeewwwww. I told Mike that he might have to take over. Because he keeps getting more and more, all over the place; literally, all-over. Poor tyke. I feel bad: I can handle poop on my window seat and vomit all over myself, but for some reason, these little bumps really get to me. Guess I really am a texture person. Sorry, Parker.

Measuring

2010-02-03T09:12:00.002-06:00

It's been awhile since I've updated on my measuring, weight, and been completely open about my eating habits. So I'll lay it all out. They're rather pathetic. Eating habits that is; I feel like I've lost all of my self-control. Granted, I'm cooking pretty good dishes and I am still eating way less than I was when I started this journey; but I'm also eating more than I know I need to because it's more than I was eating when I was at my best. In the mornings, I start out great, eating my cereal and usually making it to lunch with out too much snacking, and if I do snack it's healthy and good portion size. After lunch it all goes down hill. I've been trying to knock off some of my caffeine intake, so I cut out one of my two morning cups of coffee. By 1p.m. I am therefore really sleepy and there's a coffee drink mix that I have that I really like, so I usually give in. Something about a cup of that and a good book, curled up on these chilly days....so nice. So, then I sometimes have two cups! And then I get hungry and eat all the wrong things, either too many cookies or cookie dough, or sample Parker's cheez-its or just eat too much of good things. Typically I can eat well for supper but if I'm hungry again before bed I sometimes give in to another cookie! I'm quite disgusted in myself. No self-control! What happened to no dessert, let alone two desserts in one day. I know that if I could get off of the sugar train I'd feel better and be able to avoid more sugar, but it's the getting off that's hard. I've tried going back to tracking everything I eat again, but I've really gotten off of the habit and can't seem to do it more than two or three days in a row. And I only had 5lb. to go! Well, I did have...this last month I gained 2lb. rather than lost any. :( I did still lose fractions of inches everywhere but my legs...but I'm afraid I also lost my sense of accomplishment and confidence. I'm really afraid that it's only going to be back downhill again. So much so that I have found myself already expecting my pants to not fit; now that's what gives me a bit of a reality check. For one thing, the body can fluctuate as much as 2lb. in one day, no matter what I do or don't do. So maybe rather than really gaining this last month, I just didn't loose. And Mike also pointed out again, last night when I was lamenting to him, that I really do put on muscle pretty easily, and I'm not built to be a small person, so maybe I'm working against my very genetics. And when I said my self-control was gone he scoffed at me because he thinks the things I put myself through in the name of discipline are ridiculous. So I appreciated his "support" in the form of thinking my worries are unfounded. The other thing is that I am still exercising; actually maybe more than I set out to in my three hard workouts a week. I always set out to do a "just be active" session, but it ends up being a full hour sweat session, so I guess that's good. The moral of this story is that I had a bad last month in feeling guilty about all I've eaten. But, in reality I maybe didn't go backwards, just didn't gain any ground. And I need to not let my guilt pull me into old bad habits by making me think that I haven't really changed. Even if I am getting near the ideal weight for my body type, it seems to me that I should be able to still loose 5lb., I mean I can certainly find plenty of jiggle that I think should go. :P But I can't drown in my guilt, instead I need to keep making small steps. So here I go, baby steps again. Thank you for listening to my self-coaching session. :)

Vegging

2010-02-01T19:18:00.003-06:00

Last night I had that tasty looking stir-fry that was filled with lots of vegetables, chicken and not too many calories or fat; and I felt nasty all evening. It's really making me think that I should avoid meat; not that I have anything against it, I just don't feel good when I eat it. All day today I avoided the meat and tonight's special was Sweet Potato Barley Salad. It was pretty darn good, particularly accompanied with some delightful ww biscuits made with greek yogurt. And I feel fine. Satisfied, full, and not nauseous. Not sure why...but whatever, I might just keep on with this experiment for awhile.
Apparently taking pictures of what you cook is addictive because I just couldn't help myself tonight, it looked to pretty with all of those bright colors. :) I'll include the recipe below.

1c. cooked barley
1c. cooked edamame (removed from shell)
1 large sweet potato (cooked and cubed)
1c. fresh baby spinach
1c. raisins
2 medium carrots, shredded
1/2 c. thing red onion wedges
Layer a bit of each together on a plate (makes about 8 side-dish servings).
For dressing mix 1/3c. olive oil, 1/4c. balsamic vinegar, 1 t. garlic salt, and black pepper to taste. Drizzle over salad. I liked eating it with the potato and barley still a bit warm, or you can eat it all cold. It's an odd combination, but oh so good, maybe just because it's such a novelty.

Oh, and the mexican cheese dip that I made earlier today turned out ok, but didn't have much flavor. I added some more seasonings and am letting them blend overnight to see what happens.

Breakfast Cookies

2010-02-01T11:05:00.003-06:00

I found this recipe online while looking for a high protein/low cal baked good to mix up and take on my travels. It boasts a whopping 33g. protein with only 216 calories. Honker. I'll give the recipe first and then offer my additions, because you know I can't make a recipe as written. :P
1c. ww flour
3 c. quick oats
1t. baking powder
1t. salt
1t. allspice
1t. ginger
1t. cinnamon
1t. vanilla
1t. ginger
1T. orange peel
2 eggs
7T. canola oil
1 1/2 c. unsweetened applesauce
3/4 c. brown sugar
3/4 c. slivered almonds
1/2 c. sunflower seeds (unsalted)
1 c. craisins

Ok, so I've never made these as written; the first thing I did was dropped all of the brown sugar and instead put in 12 packets of Truvia (I really wish I could find that stuff in bulk instead of the little packets), you could mix that up however you wish. They don't turn out terrible sweet, but good enough and I save 33 calories per cookie that way. I've also never used that many craisins; the first time I used all raisins and this time I used 1/4 and 3/4 respectively. Going with all raisins gives you more natural sugar since the raisins aren't sweetened. This time I also added 2 T. of ground flax meal; this adds omega-3s and a little protein. A few calories too, but I consider it worth it. Apparently you can use flax meal instead of eggs, but I haven't tired that yet. All of the seasonings are key, because they give you your flavor. The consistency is a little, mmm, dense, but not bad. The recipe did not come with cooking time or temps so I do 375 for 14 minutes. Would like to get them a little crisper, but this works ok. Also, the recipe says that it makes 20 cookies; I usually end up with more like 45 so do that math and the 33g. protein would be in the bigger cookies (15 g. is still pretty good...) Obviously, there's lots of adjustments you can make or other things you can add to taste. I was thinking that a little dark chocolate would be good in them and maybe some coconut. So if you just looking for protein and not so much worried about the calories, then try it out. As I've done it so far, they're pretty good, can fill my cookie desires in a pinch, and really do well for a mid-morning snack when your cereal just doesn't quite stretch to lunch time. And why, you may ask, do I keep cooking all of this stuff when I'm supposed to be on a diet? Uh...it's an addiction I'm afraid, I love to cook! That's why I'm trying to focus it healthy at least....:)

Cooking

2010-01-31T18:47:00.004-06:00

I had a very enjoyable grocery shopping trip yesterday and am pleased with the fact that my fridge and pantry are now filled with all sorts of tasty ingredients with which to make several tasty new recipes. I'm also very pleased with the way my tastes have finally matured a bit and I'm willing to try more interesting recipes. Tonight it was Chicken-Chili Stir Fry complete with bean sprouts and peanuts. Looks good doesn't it?

It turned out just like the picture and the textures were great. The flavor wasn't amazing; not bad, just not amazing. Nice and low cal though and filling. I don't know if I'll make it again or not.But at the very least it is something that I never would've even considered trying before.
My next experiment is a barley-corn-spinach-edamame salad. I am again hopeful. It looks great and is filled with all sorts of fresh and lite things. And no meat; I am certainly not against meat, but more and more my stomach is happier if there's not meat involved and recipes that are vegetarian appeal to me. I've not done it on purpose, but that's where my tastes are heading. For instance, I've been really hungry for a good black bean soup like they have at Panera. Anybody got a good recipe? Oh, I'm also making "yogurt cheese" tonight that will be made into a Mexican cheese dip tomorrow. I'll let you know how that goes. I also picked up some greek yogurt yesterday. They've finally started selling some that isn't organic so it's a little cheaper. It's good stuff, mostly just because it's got 22g. of protein in 8 oz. That's a lot. And it's a good sour cream replacer if you ask me. That and I just feel cool and sophisticated eating something that has the word "greek" in it. :D

Gee, I have a good looking little brother...

2010-01-29T14:31:00.003-06:00

These pictures are all the property of KDB Photography, but I just liked them so much I wanted to show them off. :)

The Recipe for Contentment

2010-01-28T10:17:00.004-06:00

Contentment is really something I struggle with; maybe not as much that I worry about things as I am not satisfied with what I have. I recently came to the humbling realization that I face a lot of things in my life with the attitude "I could do better." In ever sense of the phrase, that's way messed up and damaging. So, as I'm revamping that thought pattern, I'm looking into contentment and how to live in it. I don't know if this is a common struggle, or if I'm just a messed up perfectionist, but at any rate I wanted to share what I found in this book I just started called "Calm My Anxious Heart" by Linda Dillow. When I'm looking for how I should approach life I like it to be spelled out for me in step by step guidelines. I know that there are inherent dangers to this approach, but it's still what I look for, and in the first few pages of this book the author quoted another woman as to the recipe for contentment, as follows:
~Never allow yourself to complain about anything-not even the weather.
~Never picture yourself in any other circumstances or someplace else.
~Never compare your lot with another's.
~Never allow yourself to wish this or that had been otherwise.
~Never dwell on tomorrow-remember that it is God's, not ours.
It's a tall order, and I'm pretty sure I fail about every hour. :P But something I'm going to be dwelling on these next few days. One part of it that really gets me is that every single part of this recipe is a choice that I can make; nothing is left dependent on what others might do or what circumstances might change it is all up to me being in control of my emotions and choices. I like to be in control. :) It also made me recall what I was just reading in "Screwtape" concerning how God wants us to live in the present and Satan finds us most useful when we focus on the future (see quote on upper right side). Also, Lewis (Screwtape) writes, "nearly all vices are rooted in the future. Gratitude looks to the past and love to the present; fear, avarice, lust, and ambition look ahead." Fascinating and humbling.

"If you look for it as for silver..."

2010-01-28T10:02:00.004-06:00

Once again I have been brought to a halt with the not so novel idea that the Bible is true!
Awhile back I set out to memorize the book of Proverbs; a daunting task but one I am told is doable. I've been taking it slower than I first intended to and have only made it midway through the second chapter so far. But the really great part about memorizing scripture is that it is continually brought to mind and you can see how it applies in whole new scenarios than you might normally. For instance, this morning I was pondering all of the great books I've been reading lately and how there seems to be insightful wisdom on every page (even the fiction books) and how everything fits together so nicely to add up to the way to live joyful and contentedly no matter your circumstances, struggles, or marriage. "The Screwtape Letters" has given me some new perspective on how my seemingly "little sins" are really open doors for Satan to do his best work, say me having a generally critical attitude that of course spills onto everything my husband does or doesn't do. "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands" explains just how detrimental that constant criticism is to a man and husband and marriage and what a difference it can be if I just stop complaining. "Calm My Anxious Heart" says that one element in the recipe for contentment is to "never allow yourself to complain about anything..." That would include about or to my husband. And complaining and criticism would be some of those "small sins" that I again learned about in "Screwtape." As I was sitting in wonder of these any many other themes that were emerging from my books lately I also recalled "If you call out for insight and cry aloud for understanding...then you will understand the fear of the Lord and you will find the knowledge of God...then you will know what is right and just and fair, every good path..." (all from Proverbs 2). Crazy! Not really, just to my finite little mind. :)

Size 8

2010-01-25T11:03:00.002-06:00

:D
It hasn't really been my goal, but it is a nice place to reach. In fact, pretty sure I've never been here before. Maybe on the verge, but never actually bought a size 8 before. It's a nice feeling. And I'm going to enjoy it while it lasts. Still haven't budged those last 6lbs. that will hopefully make it a solid 8 rather than some 8's work and some are still disgusting. :) But 10's are definitely too big. It's also a good feeling because I had ice cream this weekend, twice...in one day. :P Not a good idea but my self control has been very low lately. So I enjoyed it and today I start over! Pondering the timing of new babies the last few weeks. And wondering how willing I am to give up this new 8. I'd rather like to enjoy it awhile, because honestly, I may never see it again. Even if I do manage the next pregnancy smarter, there might be things beyond my control, like the spreading of hips. :P So, that's holding me back but I realize that that's pure selfishness so I've been praying for a little more nudge of the Holy Spirit if I need to be getting on this and off of my vanity.

On being in love and other ineresting insights from Hell.

2010-01-22T13:01:00.002-06:00

I am newly enthralled with the book "The Screwtape Letters" by C.S. Lewis. I read it early in college and liked it, but struggled to get through it. This time I'm first listening to the dramatized version by Focus on the Family and then am so intrigued by what I hear have to go to the book and read it over. I'm not sure whether it's my different place in life, a new depth of understanding, or that hearing and reading rather than just reading makes such a big difference, but I have this book thoroughly marked up now. Couldn't even settle on just one quote for the bulletin.
Yesterday I read the "letter" concerning love and marriage. From this demon's point of view they have been very clever in taking God's institution (marriage)and thwarting it by convincing us humans that the only valid reason for getting married is if one "feels" "in love." It really reminded me of a conversation I had not too long ago with a friend that is with this guy that meets all of her requirements but there is no "chemistry" and so she's not sure if she should take the relationship any further. Thankfully she's also smart so she's not going to give up a good thing yet, but still, she's wanting to feel "in love" in order to justify being in this relationship. I'm not saying this isn't normal,or that I wouldn't feel the same way, but rather that maybe those demons have been working things well. Consider this: "persuading the humans that...'being in love' is the only respectable ground for marriage; that marriage can, and out to, render this excitement permanent; and that a marriage which does not do so is no longer binding." Doesn't this sound just about what the typical mindset is these days? Even in most Christian circles? Sure most Christians are also aware of all the other aspects of love and marriage, and hopefully are well taught that feelings come and go but the covenant that they made before God is what matters. And, by God's graciousness, "being in love" usually does come with or lead into marriage, but it's not the only element to consider. I liked this insight as well: "the idea of marrying with any other motive (than being in love) seems to them low and cynical...They regard the intention of loyalty to a partnership for mutual help, for the preservation of chastity, and for the transmission of life, as something lower than a storm of emotion." Wow, that made me step back. I've never heard marriage described in just those terms. Certainly not the top three things I was consciously considering when I considered getting married. It would seem that we all have things a bit backwards doesn't it?

Reminiscing

2010-01-20T09:50:00.003-06:00

Last night I was doing some cleaning out of the tubs of stuff that I moved here from my mom's place at least a year ago. I'm really not a hoarder, but I do like to keep those little memory laden tidbits from the years gone by. I had two tubs filled with such things and I thought maybe enough years had passed that I would be less attached to some of them. Unfortunately, no. Instead I just spent a good couple of hours reminiscing as I looked through old pictures, ticket stubs, notebooks, and quote lists. I found the "point" game sheet that we used to tack up on the inside of our dorm "pantry," and I found old letters from high school when the things that got us excited were so much simpler. There were lots and lots of notes and old tests from college classes I took and I realized how much I have forgotten already. Papers I had written for various classes; wow, I miss writing, I wasn't too bad at it. :) And tons of odds and ends from trips I've taken and places I've lived. Two conclusions I came to: 1. I am never going to get caught up on all of the scrapbooking I need to be doing. 2. I should maybe just die now, I've already lived a very full life and I'm not sure I could manage much more!

Kids say the darndest things...

2010-01-15T11:21:00.002-06:00

Parker's been saying a lot lately. Or maybe just stringing more words together? Either way, it's been funny so I thought I'd share a few here:
-While I was on a stool taking down decorations, "Careful, mama, no fall!"
-While changing my clothes and Parker watched from the bed with a pair of toy binoculars, "Taking pictures!"
-After throwing a ball in the house, which is against the rules, we had this conversation, "Parker, don't through balls inside the house, you know that rule."
"Get a spanken'."
"No, this time I'm just going to give you a warning, in case you had forgotten, but next time you will get a spanking."
(Holding his hand out to be slapped) "Hand."
"No, I'm not going to slap your hand either, this time is your warning."
"Sit chair." (asking for a time out apparently)
Wow, that kid really wanted to be disciplined.
-Mike, "Parker can you say, Go Cyclones?"
Parker, "Go Cyclones.(thoughtful pause) Go potty."

The inevitable

2010-01-11T20:23:00.002-06:00

Today I had the good fortune of getting to spend the day with my grandparents and to realize that they are dying. I'm sorry if that sounds harsh or unfeeling. It's actually said with a feeling that's hard to convey through type. It was a hard thing to face really, although it's not because I'm that close with them. I love and care about them but the part that is the hardest is seeing them in such a deteriorated state while it's still easy to remember the days when we went shopping, or flying kites, or baking cookies. I've worked in a nursing home and I've seen "old" people that are other people's grandparents, but those people had only ever been "old" and deteriorating to me, I never knew them as anything else. Having known Grandma and Grandpa to be healthier and active, and in their right minds, I feel so sorry for them having to exist as they are now. Grandpa is just slow and awkward. His health is not good, but it's a lot of little things that just make living hard now. For Grandma it's cancer on top of many years of inactivity and unhealthy eating. She's lost a lot of weight now, but instead of looking healthier, she just looks wasted and tired. And she's on so many meds that she's confused and has a hard time making the right words come out. Repeating herself and repeating "what can I say?" as some sort of mournful tick. I was unable to determine or find anyone else that knew how much Grandma is still in there and how much is the drugs that are messing up her mind. And I felt sorry for her; so sorry for how she used to be and how she would hate to see herself like this.
I know, because I would hate to see myself like that. I sat there thinking, I don't want to get old. I don't want my life to go on, if that's all there is to living. Just let me go quietly in my sleep, don't drag it out. It made me resolve with new feeling to healthful eating and living. What's a piece of pie compared to years of useful activity and health? There are things like some cancers that you can't avoid and those scare me. Just let me go....but then there is also a lot of blessing that can be passed on to others in an illness that is passed through depending on the grace of God. If that is my lot, then I just pray for the strength of faith to go through it with such a vision and a focus on the reality of eternity in comparison. That's the other part that is so sad, that I'm not sure my grandparents have that certainty. I see in Grandma a tired woman who feels alone and hopeless. I tried to speak to her of hope today; of forgiveness and having a certainty of heaven and she said "do you see how those knobs on the commode are all different?" Funny yes, but also frightening. Did I miss my chance? Did my fear of speaking the truth to my own grandma contribute to where she is now and where she will be at the end? Could I have helped her to have peace right now and a security in the arms of God? I went today with a lot of prayers that I would have the right words to say and the courage to say them so that Grandma and I could both be confident of her heavenly home. But she's not coherent enough to speak of it and I'm afraid I let fear rule me too long. I know that God is bigger than me and I need to obey what I know to be right right now and trust him. But I struggle with wondering how things might be different now if I had spoken up sooner. I'm sorry Grandma.
In the meantime, they only way I really know to deal with all of this is just to laugh at the "chemo fog" because she really did say some random stuff such as asking me if many geese fly to the lake to skate? And telling me which water jug was better because the snowmobilers said that the other one leaked. Oh my.

Facing the firing squad

2010-01-04T09:04:00.002-06:00

I've realized it before, but this morning it hit me with new clarity that I do not take correction or criticism well. Well, maybe better from some people than others, but for the most part when someone tells me that I did something wrong, they don't like what I did, or it's not good enough, my hackles rise and I get defensive. That's only on the outside though; on the inside I feel sick to my stomach and get immediately tense and vulnerable. As I write this I'm realizing that it's more on performance based things; someone can tell me that my thoughts or opinions are wrong and that's ok, I guess it's just when I feel that they're telling me that I'm not good enough or that I've failed. Why does that hit me so hard? It is pride? I fear being less than perfect? I'm ok with bringing up my flaws myself, in fact I talk all about being "real" with people...but when they call me out apparently I can't handle that. Am I fearing rejection, or just am feeling out of control? I really can't put a finger on it, but I'm going to assume that it stems from a lack of humility. At any rate, it happened again that someone from church sent me a scathing e-mail about how they didn't like something I'd printed for them wished I had contacted them before distributing something so unprofessional. Humph. Here's the thing: they gave me a hard copy of the handout when I've continually requested electronic copies telling them that I would get a better print quality; I tried to improve the copy quality in every way that I could with what they gave me; I had a lot to do that day and got the handout to a point where all the info was readable, if not attractive, and called it good enough and moved on with my work load. Yes, I should've taken the time to contact her and ask for the e-copy again and not settled for good enough, but I was in a hurry and tired of messing with her stuff. So...those are my excuses. What I need to do is swallow my pride, apologize, be grateful for this opportunity to learn humility, and stop putting out work that is less then my best. But oh it rankles me. I want to e-mail her back and give all my excuses and defenses (because I do have a very defensible position). But I also know that I could've tried better. That's probably why it makes me so defensive, because I know she's partially right. However, I'm not ready to do any of that yet, so I'm going to sit on it and go for a ferocious bicycle ride to burn off some steam and then we'll see if I can write that humble e-mail and be grateful...
Another thought I've had is that maybe this is how my husband feels when I bring to his attention something that I feel he could improve upon. a.k.a: I'm critical. :P I already kinda can tell that he immediately gets defensive and starts reasoning to himself how I have no right to expect such things, or that I'm being unfair. But I wonder if he also gets this sick feeling in his stomach and hates being found out and having it pointed out to him that he's not good enough. And if he feels rejected and exposed. And I do it to him a lot. Imagine if I was made to feel like this every night, or at least had the reasonable fear to expect it most of the time due to past experiences. What a lousy way to live. I would avoid me too! Father, help me to remember this feeling before I speak to my husband. And help me to choose to speak the affirming words instead because none of the little things that bother me are not worth making him feel this way. Not if my goal really is to make his life the joy I want it to be for him. But I need help...and humility...

Results of December

2010-01-03T07:54:00.002-06:00

Last night was another measuring night and I was hoping to at least not have gained anything over the month of December. I knew that I had not been on my best behavior, especially where eating of rolls was concerned. Miraculously, the results were positive!I actually lost 6lbs. in December and am only 5lbs. away from my goal! Very excited about that. The inches measurements were not a huge decrease, but little bits here and there and I'm thankful for anything over a holiday filled with landmines. Another bit of good news is that my sister found my Latin Dancing dvd, so I can do that workout again. As not good at it as I am, I still enjoyed having the option for a little variety. Also adding a little variety is the little device I'm borrowing to turn my regular bike into a stationary bike. Haven't tried it yet, but I'm excited especially since I have the new "Screwtape Letters" radio drama to listen to while I do it.
Yesterday was a day spent in trying to catch up on cleaning, laundry, exercise, and sleep. We've really been running around a lot it seems, and almost non-stop company since a week and a half ago. A verse I read this morning said "offer hospitality to everyone without grumbling." I'm afraid I'm not very good at the not grumbling part. I've gotten better I think...but still have a ways to go. See, I'm such a creature of habit and routine that anyone that deters me from that messes me up and I don't appreciate messes. But I really need to be more laid back and go with the flow. And I need to remember that my house doesn't haven't to be spotlessly clean whenever someone comes to visit. A warm welcome goes a lot farther than a clean floor. When we were kids we could hardly ever have friends over because my mom felt such pressure to have the house clean and so it made too much work for her. I understand better now how she felt, but I don't want my house to be that way. I want people to always feel welcome to just drop in to my house. My friends, my kids' friends, whoever. Now I just need some friends...
Parker's newest thing is to start the morning by singing "happy to you, happy to you!" Adding in various names as he feels led and then ending with "happy to youuuuuu!" Not sure where he learned the birthday song, or why he feels the need to sing it in the mornings, but it's sweet. Now the trick will be to channel it into a phone message as it is my brother's birthday.
Church today, but I think we're going to skip Sunday School. Parker has been exposed to the chicken pox, and I'm not really sure what the protocol is on them, but I don't want to be the one to spread them all over the church, so I guess we'll just keep him away from other kids. Time for breakfast.

Christmas Eve, redirected

2009-12-24T14:11:00.003-06:00

So...changing of all the plans. The weather has come with vengeance. We're not technically "stuck" yet, but the roads are iffy enough that we don't go anywhere if we don't really have to. We were supposed to go to Clarion today for a "Christmas" with my dad's side, and Mom and the boys and all. It would've been fun, but alas...we are staying here, safe and warm. Tomorrow we were supposed to have Christmas dinner at my father-in-law's at the lake. But Mike's other sister and husband couldn't make it and his dad decided to be "stuck" with us instead. My house guest numbers have doubled now; not only do I have Mike's little sister, but then also their dad. I think God is really wanting me to learn something there. :) Really, I'm glad that he came because I would feel bad if he were home alone on Christmas, but it's also really amusing to me because this is the same guy who normally won't come in past the back entryway. And now he's "getting stuck" (as if it were not planned) here for maybe three nights, and yet still going home to take a shower? Funny. And thankfully, I am still laughing. Again, it's not cause they're bad to have around, it's all my attitude and that I am often not very flexible when it comes to things I love like Christmas time.
Speaking of being flexible, I have a lot of food in the house thankfully, but not fancy party stuff because I wasn't planning on hosting any meals. So now we're thinking of Christmas dinner and checking out the freezers. So far the menu has become chili, chicken noodle soup, potato bologna,cheese ball, and fresh sugar cookies. Oh and I think breakfast will be quiche and cinnamon rolls. My mom always made a special breakfast for Christmas morning, so I feel the need to as well. We're shaping up pretty well really, all thanks to my overstocked freezer that Mike laughs at.
Being snowed in leaves me captive with lots of Christmas candy, but it also gives me lots of time to exercise! Mike got me the new "Wii Fit Plus" for my birthday and that's proving to provide lots of entertainment. There's a couple of new games that really are pretty fun and take a bit of work, so I've been enjoying them and hoping that they counter act all of the peanut clusters I ate! :)
I'll stop rambling now and get to cooking. Merry Christmas to all and to all a goodnight!!

Needing an attitude adjustment...

2009-12-22T13:07:00.003-06:00

So, I LOVE Christmas time. Just had my birthday and now enjoying these days in between and all of the fun get togethers they bring. However, things aren't looking too promising this year. First of all there is apparently a huge nasty weather system moving in that involves lots of snow, ice, and wind. They're saying to not plan on going anywhere all of the days surrounding Christmas. So there goes the trips we had planned to two family Christmases. I've been trying to think of how I can still make it festive for us if we're snowed in here and not feel like we're missing out on Christmas. Now today, my sister-in-law asked if she could stay with us. I love her dearly and there is no reason why she shouldn't stay with us except for my selfishness and perfectionism. See if she's here I won't be able to have Christmas just how I want it, won't be able to keep my house up to my standards of tidiness, and my husband will be distracted and goofing off with her. Not the romantic snowed in picture that I had been imagining. But I know this is a lousy attitude and if I don't shake it I'm going to be the one to ruin Christmas for myself and possibly the others too. I will be silent and moody, shooting my husband dark looks whenever he does something I can find a way to be annoyed with. It's embarrassing, but that is what I do more often then I'd like to admit. Or, I could pray for grace and choose to be joyful and hospitable, giving her a warm home to enjoy Christmas in where she feels a part of things and my husband can take pride in the home he has to share and feel at peace and loved there. And we can have fun in our stuck-ness, play games, stay up late, eat Christmas food; make a real two (or more) day party of it. That's the ticket! If I can give up my perfectionism and enjoy the moment rather than worrying about the mess or how Christmas is "supposed" to be in my head. (I get myself into more trouble with my "supposed too's). So please pray for me, this Christmas looks like it's going to be up to my attitude and I so want to take this as a chance for growing and not wallow in disappointment and self-pity. Choosing gratitude and joy....

P.S. My shoulder is twitching. Always such a weird feeling.

Three shots is what it takes

2009-12-14T09:26:00.003-06:00

Had a fun, albeit fast weekend in Minneapolis. I really like it up there, I could live in MN. Not the city proper, but it would be nice to be closer than four hours. Anyway, we left early on Saturday in order to have time to go to Ikea. I really appreciated Mike and his dad agreeing to do that for me, but then they were both grumpy and just followed me around pushing me to hurry the whole time so I started to appreciate them less. I was told I had a little over and hour there and I was going to make the most of it. After all, it's a two story building and I only get there once a year! Mike's dad ended up buying us a new dining room table so that's really cool. I'm hoping to assemble it today. We had one, but it wasn't very user friendly and never intended to be our long term table. I'm hoping that now we will actually eat at the table more than the kitchen counter. I still need to find some benches to go around it though. We got a couple chairs, but what I really want is a collection of benches; they didn't have just the right thing there. So now the problem is that Mike was counting on getting that table for my birthday/Christmas present and now that his dad bought it Mike has to start over from scratch and he's put no thought into it yet. I think he's a bit miffed but I'm kinda pleased because presents mean a lot to me and I want him to have to put a little work into it. I'm really not that hard to buy for and I've given him lots of hints.
Anyway, the other highlight of the weekend for me was getting to meet up with my friend Elyse at the mall Saturday afternoon. It was a very last minute thing as I realized on Friday that she might be living up there now, but she was and we got to catch up a little and it was so fun. She's the type of girl that always leaves you feeling uplifted. I would like to be that kind of person to others too.
On Sunday I got to go to my first pro football game at the stadium formally known as the Metrodome. It was fun although silly the lengths they go to for what is only a game. I was glad that I had chosen to go with the large Mocha that morning because I think it affected my enthusiasm level quite a bit. And I did want to be enthusiastic. It's certainly more fun to watch a game in person than on the tv and I understand enough about football to know what's going on. As strange as it sounds I was most interested in the cheerleaders; wondering what kind of person it takes to be that perky all the time and be ok with having every move you make choreographed. And then thinking for that type of person you couldn't ask for a better job than being an NFL cheerleader. Then there was this greasy little middle aged man sitting below us that was taking zoomed in pictures of them and I really wanted to flick him in his bald head. Sorry, that's mean but he was creepy. Anyway....it was a pretty good time and fun to be there with Mike; a good date activity.
Parker was so good all weekend. Really about as good as you can expect from a 21 month old. He had his moments when he was tired and hungry or just didn't want to leave all of the amazing toys at "Una Dave"'s, but for the most part really well behaved. Did great on both 4 hour drives and shopping and in church (apart from announcing "Hedgehog watch" in the middle of the prayer). It was really fun to have Elyse finally meet him.
And now it's time to catch up on the laundry and exercising. I did ok on my eating this weekend, but doubt I lost anything. :)

A Thanksgiving Statement:

2009-12-09T08:11:00.002-06:00

In my devotional this morning my assignment was to write a thanksgiving declaration similar to that of President Lincoln's and then post it somewhere where people could see it. So here goes:
As I listen to the wind howl around the house I am grateful that it is sound and that I am inside with my loved ones. However it strikes me that being outside with no shelter to to go would not be less than I deserve. Dow to the most taken for granted element of a comfortable shelter and clothes to cover my body, I have been blessed. Regardless of the willful sin that I participate in on a daily basis God continues to "loadeth us with benefits." Even should the worst happen, the One who holds the world in His hand promises to keep count of the hairs of my head and I am fortunate enough to have first hand experience of this faithfulness. So let my heart and countenance be one "overflowing with thankfulness." May I no longer let the "everyday" blessings march by without acknowledgment nor grumble when the exceptional ones don't meet my expectations. May I be only humbled by this outpouring of God's grace, that He should not only notice me but rescue me and then give me the desires of my heart. And after the initial reflex of gratitude my the next always be to pass it on so that others can also experience the abundant life of abiding in Christ. That is, a life that can abound with "every spiritual blessing" irregardless of the physical blessings that might come and go. "Thanks be to God for His indescribable gift!"

In a yummy rut

2009-12-08T18:57:00.002-06:00

Ok, I confess, I have already made my pita sandwiches twice this week, and it's only Tuesday. I'm stuck in a tasty rut of what my mom used to call "New York Good-wiches." I find that name cumbersome so I'll just call them pitas, but my goodness they're good. They fill me up with out feeling heavy and they fill my desire for something hot on these chilly days. I don't know the exact calories on these, but since they're basically vegetables, I'm not too worried. I know the two pitas (whole wheat and made with flax) are 160 calories beyond that, I'm not too sure. So, here's the recipe. I know it sounds crazy, but don't knock it till you've tried it!
Saute 1/4 c. onions in a bit of olive oil, while steaming 1/2c. or so of California blend vegetables. Toast two pita halves then spread with a thin layer of mayo. When onions are cooked as desired (I like mine almost burnt) stir in a T. or less of bbq sauce. Divide ingredients between two pita pockets in whatever order, but including all of the following: raw red cabbage, dill pickles, CA veggies, onion and bbq mix.

I know, I know...it's sounds crazy, but it's sooooo good.

Shopping is Exhausting

2009-12-08T12:47:00.004-06:00

This was yesterday on what ended up being an all day trip to Fort Dodge. Poor guy, he was so good and so exhausted by that point. Couldn't have been that comfortable.
The weather was perfectly Christmas'y on Sunday so we cranked up the music and made gingerbread cookies and wrapped presents. Parker refers to the cookies as "babies" and plays with them as such, even "changing" them on his tray.

2009-12-04T21:01:00.003-06:00

I apologize if you're tired of hearing about this, but I'm a little excited, so I wanted to write. I'm a week late on measuring this month and I had thought I had a bad month too, so tonight when I finally did it I didn't know what to expect. Imagine my surprise when I had actually lost 7lbs this month! Granted it was five weeks rather than four, but still exceeded my goal. And it came off in the right places! I recorded 1.25 in. off my waist and 1in. off my hips! And more off of arms and legs. Hurray! So thankful. Particularly because I stopped counting calories this month, just was kinda winging it and I'm glad that I don't have to go back to doing that so intensely. Perhaps some of my good habits are sticking. That and this was over Thanksgiving and a vacation, so all very encouraging. I'm sure that Christmas will be more of a struggle, but God is bigger than chocolate and candy. ;) I'm grateful. And feeling lighter. :) Oh, and I way need some new bras, they're like 4in. too big I discovered tonight. Whoops.

Normalcy

2009-12-04T13:51:00.003-06:00

Back home now and doorman-less. :) At least I don't have to worry about keeping tip money handy any more. Our trip home was thankfully uneventful. Even found a Papa Johns that was next to a Caribou in Denver for our lunch stop. What more could you want? Obviously I did not eat well on that ride home but I did enjoy all of foods that are not readily available at home. I also think that my metabolism has finally kicked in because I am ALWAYS hungry. Despite the vacationing I think I still will meet my 1lb. goal this week, so I'm grateful for that. And my size 10's are getting too big, so that's a nice feeling too. :)
Not really much going on now. Have this weekend to catch up on things and get more ready for Christmas and then next weekend we have Christmas with Mike's extended family in MN. Oh and I officially have only 1/2 of a Christmas present left to pick up. There are probably other odds and ends but that's the official count.
Did I ever mention on here my signing up to be a mentor? Well I did, in this local mentoring program that has a focus on abstinence. Yesterday I was finally paired with a Jr. Higher named Nichole. And I realized at that moment that I am still intimidated by public schoolers. Pathetic no? At first meeting it doesn't seem like we're going to have much in common, but I'm really praying for this relationship; that God will help me love her like I need to and really make a connection with her. It's a great opportunity so I'm thanking God for trusting me with this experience and asking for courage!

More Pictures

2009-12-02T10:25:00.008-06:00

Well, we're checking out this morning. Very sad. I went down for one last workout and now Parker and I are just packing up while Mike's in his last session.We're going to try to drive straight through to get home early tomorrow morning. I hope that means I can talk Mike into stopping at Caribou. :D It got cold this morning, we had a little dusting of snow and more coming tonight. How can you make this place any prettier? Just add snow! Yesterday Parker and I went around looking for good shopping. I was rather disappointed in Manitou Springs. Too touristy for me, although we did find the neat coffee shop there that you will see a picture of below. Oh, and I got a hand blown glass pickle ornament to add to our collection. Mike appreciated the randomness. We tried Old Colorado City too and the options were better there. One shop called "the Holly Leaf" and another called "Holly Berry House. " Hehe. Didn't buy anything though. Really was rather a bust day for good shopping, but then why did I still buy things?? Got a "The Broadmoor" shirt, just cause. I don't think I paid full price for anything I bought though; was all about the sale racks, even at the Broadmoor. Keva Juice for suppper and then a swim and early bed. Well, time for packing. More pictures are below.

We tried to take some family pictures this morning. It's been something I've been wanting to do, but haven't liked myself in pictures. So finally I'm at a place where I don't mind pictures and what better background than our current local? They didn't turn out great, but maybe as good at I can get if not paying for a professional? I was going to ask a certain friend I know that takes some pretty good shots, but she never comes home...:P

Parker's kicked back and watching "Max & Ruby."
Mike and Parker enjoying the good life this morning.
Parker at the pool.
This was Parker and I at the "Yerba Mate" coffee shop yesterday. It was very, um, alternative. Good food, and cozy atmosphere, but rather hippy-ish. Yummy carob chip cookies.

I could get used to this...

2009-12-01T09:00:00.002-06:00

It's not hard to get up at 6 a.m. when you have a full fitness center and pool waiting for me. The lady at the desk: "Good Morning, will you be joining us for a workout? Could I offer you a towel and headphones?" There are cold, wet towels available also, and lemon water in a cooler. When I got back Mike was in the shower and Parker in the tub playing toys. The tub is really deep and he loves it; I guess that was what he asked for after me this morning. Last night before our evening swim Parker and I went to the Golf Club Grill for supper because it was the most casual restaurant we could find onsite. I had some really tasty potato and parsnip soup and a chicken quesadilla with three indistinguishable but tasty dips. Yes, my meal consisted of the appetizers because they were the only things in my price range. :P Speaking of price range; have I mentioned that I LOVE the bathrobes here in our room? I feel just like someone in a spa commercial or something. So I went to the store where they sell everything that they use here because people always want to buy the things, and the robe is $135. :( So sad. I will not be able to extend my Broadmoor experience beyond the little shower gel bottle that I might take home. Off to Manitou Springs for some shopping. It's supposed to be 57 today and 22 with snow tomorrow.

Pictures of Heaven? ;)

2009-11-30T22:43:00.009-06:00

Ok, here are the long awaited pictures. There are lots more, but this might give you and idea and the baby is clamoring for bed.

Parker and I at Whit's end today.

Doesn't this just make you want a big fancy dress?
Bed part, looking toward the door and mini bar.
I like this mirror, but I love the french doors into the bathroom. French doors make anything look cool.
TV in the bathroom...
The bathroom, looking into the bedroom.
This is the resort from the middle. We are in the far right hand building, the "South Tower," but on the other side from where this picture was taken.

The Broadmoor

2009-11-29T21:17:00.002-06:00

It's AMAZING. I am sitting here in my large comfy bathrobe with the resort initial on it, with my feet up in a plush king sized bed. Just got done eating (both pieces :))the chocolate that the night maid left when she came to turn down the bed. She came while Parker and I were down at the indoor pool and spa. It was a beautiful walk back along the lake with all of the Christmas lights on the trees and "Silent Night" playing on the sound system with the snow covered mountains just barely visible in the dark. It's beautiful. The resort opened in 1918, so it's got a neat history and great architecture. Ballrooms, chandeliers, tons of windows, cozy fire places, dining rooms with dress codes. And of course Christmas decoration; it's a great time of year to be here. I feel out of place, and yet very much at home. Doormen and valets everywhere, everyone so polite. I love elegant feeling. It makes me want to be wearing a fancy dress and dancing though...We have our own little balcony too; too bad it's too cold to go out there and read. I wish I had time to sit and enjoy all of the little corners I'm finding. And the french doors. Something about them makes even the closet seem more elegant. I need some french doors I've decided. I've taken a bunch of pictures, however I think I left my camera in the car. So maybe I'll upload them tomorrow. I'm planning to get up and go enjoy the fitness center and pool while Mike can keep Parker. Not that I'm not happy to have Parker with me, but I would like a few more moments to enjoy this without having to wipe a nose or make sure he doesn't run off or break something. But there I go complaining...I really have nothing to complain about. I'm so thankful for the chance to be here and just sit and enjoy it. I've never been anywhere this nice, and probably never will be again.

Speaking of being thankful...

2009-11-28T07:48:00.003-06:00

With all of this talk about Thanksgiving, I haven't really mentioned our after Thanksgiving plans; and no it's not shopping, well not the focus anyway. We're driving out to Colorado Springs for a few days where Mike has to go to a conference. It's pretty much just a bonus kind of trip for me; not something I to do but oh so much fun. We have a super nice rental car to drive, with XM radio. And when we get there we get to stay at the Broadmoor; check it out online, it's not just a hotel, it's a resort and it's amazing. And we get to stay for free. And there's a lap pool!!!!!!Heated, outdoor, at the foot of the mountains. :D Then there's all of the many fun things to do in Colorado, not the least of which is Focus on the Family and the full gamut of coffee shops. So, I'm pretty excited. And so grateful for the chance to go. On top of that, I lost 2.4 lb. over Thanksgiving. Haha, that took a miracle. I really think my metabolism finally kicked in. I was thinking as I packed how much more fun this trip is since I am comfortable with my body. For instance the swimming and the wearing of nice clothes in a nice hotel; all things that would've depressed me if I wasn't where I am now. So thankful that I can enjoy dressing up and not feel dumpy and out of place while we're there. Packing is no longer so depressing.
So, I need to go finish and get out the door. I'll hopefully have time to write while we're there.

2009-11-27T10:18:00.003-06:00

Parker did not want Andrea to leave. He just kept saying "take. take."

After dinner jam session.

All he wants for Thanksgiving is Doritos.

Checking out the table and turkey cookies.

Setting up the tree with Dad.

Misfit Thanksgiving

2009-11-27T09:32:00.003-06:00

It all went off well and I was very , well, thankful. :) The turkey turned out great as well as the ham (which I used "orange chicken" sauce on). We had just about the right amount of food. And it all turned out pretty tasty. Even my 22 year old bachelor brother's green bean casserole; all FOUR pans of it. :) I had a good time too, I hope everyone else did. And I didn't over eat! Wasn't really even tempted to. I filled up on squash and cranberries and just had a taste of everything else that really looked good. Even the chips and dip; only a taste. Had a piece or so of pumpkin dessert, but that was planned on and thoroughly enjoyed.
I also gave a little "sermon-ette" about gratitude and what I've been learning lately and included the gospel in there. Then I had them start little journals writing down 5 things they were thankful for and challenging them to keep it up every day. I don't know how that all went over, but some of them liked it they said, and I was thankful for the courage to go through with it.
All in all, a very satisfying day. I don't know if I've ever enjoyed Thanksgiving that much. And Mike said it was one of his best Thanksgiving meals ever, so that's saying something too! I'll post some pictures in a bit.
Oh yeah...my title..that's referring to the odd assortment of people we had there yesterday: Mom and I were talking about just what family looks like and how, 5 years ago, we never would've imagined that this would be what a family gathering might look like. Some parent-less, some spouse-less; some old and sick, some young and healthy; some related by blood, some related by marriage, and some related by acquaintance. Quite the group. I hope it wasn't too awkward for anyone. I know I would like to do it again; I like welcoming everyone and not having it a "blood family" exclusive holiday.

Thanksgiving Eve

2009-11-25T21:23:00.002-06:00

Well, so far so good. I've been busy the last three days getting ready for the 16 people to converge on my house for that ever important holiday meal involving poultry. I've got everything cooked ahead that I can, am pleased with the way that my tables and decorations turned out, and also very happy with the healthier options I have to offer the meal. I do not anticipate to navigate the day and stay within my narrow calorie limit, but I do not plan to crash and burn. I am planning on enjoying my dessert and not wasting any calories on those other sugar filled sides that really don't satisfy. I've left the chips and dip at the store though because I know my lack of self-control when it comes to them. Hoping to fill up on my whipped squash (made with almond milk) and the veggies and hummmus if I need something to just snack on. I've never really planned on becoming a vegetarian, I just tend to prefer non-meat; however, getting this turkey prepped for cooking=NASTY GROSS. Made me consider placing my loyalties on the conservative side of meat eat. :P Just hoping that it turns out tasty. Failure #1 would be running out of food at Thanksgiving, but failure #2 would be messing up the turkey. So here's hoping that I can pull off the hostess, and above that that I can bless the people that come, and I think I'll do that best if I just relax and enjoy them.

2009-11-20T19:46:00.001-06:00

"I'm beginning to plan for awkward Christmas',
Everywhere I go!
There's a significant other at my husband's dad's,
And one at my mom's as well;
A couple for siblings thrown in just for show!"
:P
What are they thinking?

The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

2009-11-18T09:35:00.002-06:00

The Good: I had a great conversation with my Grandma yesterday. I don't know why talking to her about faith is so intimidating to me. But I realized last night when reading about Jim Elliot and the lance throwing Auca indians that it shouldn't take so much courage to talk to my grandma who can't throw much worse than a tv remote. Anyway, she's taking treatments for cancer right now so of course eternity has been brought to the forefront of all of our minds. I guess I mentioned on there that Pastor Tom had been to talk to her, but I know that also I need to be obedient and talk to her myself. So yesterday I got the opportunity to go visit her and Grandpa and help them out a little bit, take them some food, and just visit. And Grandma and I really got into stuff about faith, and heaven, and how to get there, and how we're never going to be "good enough" and we can't even keep up trying to think positive thoughts everyday. As I look back on it now I can see where I missed several good "ins" to really be direct about salvation and how to be sure of heaven, but I am also grateful for the words God did give me and hope that the scripture is resonating with her. She knows all this stuff, she just needs to remember it and claim it. And hopefully this was just breaking the ice for both of us and that there will be a next time and easier now. So very grateful for that opportunity, and even just for the fact that I was obedient.
The Bad: The reason that we were over in G&G's area is that I was trying out a new pediatrician for Parker. She was nice enough, but unfortunately not right for us. I was so hopeful too. I'm not a big doctor person but I would love to have one that I could trust for when we need it. Usually in these situations I just clam up and think "get me out of here," but this time I stuck with it and asked her my questions and actually disagreed with her some, so I was grateful for that courage. However, right away she found out that Parker was "behind" on his vaccines and I kinda lost her because all of the bells and whistles were going off in her brain. I asked her about breastfeeding and chiropractic care and other things of importance to me but she said "the important thing right now is that we get him up to where he should be on his vaccines." Now, no matter how you feel about vaccines, I hope you would agree with my immediate thought as it was "no lady, that's not the most important thing. The most important thing to me is that you know my child and are able to give him the best possible care and help. NOT that he checks out on the CDC website." So that kinda checked her out in my book. That and that she more or less said breastfeeding or formula are equal in value and that there is no reason to breastfeed after 2 years. Um....I mean come on. Ok so vaccines are controversial and nothing is really for sure there good or bad, but breastfeeding?? Tons of Ph.'d Doctors recognize breastfeeding as far far superior and has so many benefits beyond just feeding. I realized that I don't necessarily need a doctor that shares all of my same view points, but I would like one that thinks for himself and keeps up on the research beyond what the CDC website says. I know there are some out there, they just live in California darn it.
The Ugly: My eating habits lately. I'm still exercising regularly, even more than my 3 times a week. But I snack little bits here and there and I'm sure I'm going over my calories but I'm not tracking them anymore so I can pretend I'm not. :P Not doing anyone any good. I haven't reached my goal, but the results have slowed down and I'm happy with where I am, so I'm less motivated. But I really don't think I should give up here because 1. I'm too easily going back to my old habits so apparently they need more rooting out and 2. I don't want to just give up on my goal; if I stop it will be because I feel I have reached the healthy weight for me and I don't know that I have yet. So....what do I do? Hm..and the holidays are fast approaching too...

2009-11-13T11:27:00.003-06:00

This was when I found Parker "boating" in the bath the other night.

Parker was having a good time with the kittens at church yesterday.

"Doing" Thanksgiving

2009-11-06T14:31:00.002-06:00

I've never really been much of a Thanksgiving person. Unconsciously I think I'm with most other Americans in just considering it a pre-Christmas kick-off. It's a holiday so family gets together and since there's no presents or anything required at this one there is all the more focus on eating lots of food. And there, now we've "done" Thanksgiving, check it off and let's move on to Christmas!
But this year, I'm not settling for that. Instead I volunteered to "have" Thanksgiving and really celebrate and focus on this holiday originally set aside to contemplate how much God has blessed us, no matter what our circumstances. My reasons for this are threefold: 1. I have my own family now and I want to create traditions for them to look forward to and make Thanksgiving a real celebration for them, not just something we "do." 2. With having parents on both sides die right around this time of year, this holiday has taken a particularly rough hit for us and I can't really blame people for not having the enthusiasm to make something of it, but I want to change that. Rather than try to make things how they've always been and highlight what's been lost, I'm just going to change it all up and make it new and improved. 3. God's really been working on creating a grateful heart in me lately, but I still have a long way to go. I want to prepare for this holiday not only with food and decorations, but also a renewed sense of gratefulness and find ways to share it with the others. That's kinda where I'm stuck right now; everyone's invited and the food is being planned but how do I bring out the spirit? I dislike the "go around the table and share what you're thankful for" routine. I want it to be authentic and enjoyable; not cheesy. But how to do that? What can I do to promote that atmosphere and make the day about more than food and football? The only idea I've come up with so far is to kind of re-write a Psalm, have everyone write a few lines and then read them all together. Although I have one vote for and one against, it still borders on cheese. Hmmmm...Only 20 days to figure it out. That and where to seat everyone.

Indulging the Soul

2009-11-05T11:47:00.002-06:00

That's another new thought that I came across yesterday in a book by Fenelon from 1687: "...Romans taught their children, not only to despise their body and make a generous and noble sacrifice of it, but also to indulge and gratify their soul with the delight that is found in virtue and honor." Intriguing isn't it? The thought of turning our efforts to indulge the soul rather than the body? How much of our time and energy is not spent in either indulging the body or conniving some way to rationalize doing so? I think of my issues with food: I want to indulge my taste buds and mind by eating something that I perceive to be tasty whether or not my body actually needs it for fuel. Aren't most of our sins actually some form of indulging the body and gratifying it's desires? "What causes fights and quarrels among you? Is it not your desires that rage within you?" (James something...) A lot of those "gray areas" like alcohol: something not bad in and of itself but it becomes sinful when we overindulge. The Bible has all sorts of verses about our flesh and how it's desires war against our spirit's desire to be Holy (when Christ is present). "Having lost all sensitivity, they have given themselves over to sensuality, so as to indulge in every kind of impurity with a continual lust for more." (Ephesians)
I think back over my "training" as a child and the first thing that comes to mind (concerning food again) was that when we wanted to celebrate, we ate lots and lots of food, therefore happy=overindulgence. I'm not trying to say that this is universal, just what was modeled for me. Was I taught anything about indulging and gratifying the soul? Certainly not in so many words. What is "indulging" for my soul? Time with God certainly leaves my soul feeling satisfied. Or a good conversation with a friend. Or maybe taking in some quality music. I think, for me at least, something in us sends us the message that the chance to overindulge is a reward. I search for ways to justify over indulging in everything from food to relaxing to (before I was married) physical affection. Is it sinful nature or culture? That would determine how to undermine it I would think. Perhaps it's both: a sin issue that I need to attack in myself so that I can better address it and train for it in my son. And how do I train myself to focus on indulging the soul instead? These are my deep thoughts for the day. I think I know the answers, but just haven't pondered it long enough. Anyone want to weigh in?

A whole new wardrobe :)

2009-11-05T09:20:00.002-06:00

I haven't written much about my eating and exercising lately, but the most exciting news is that I fit in to my "skinny" jeans this week! I tried them on on a whim after realizing that it'd been a month since I had, and they fit quite handily. These are the jeans I picked up in NM when I was at probably the best fitness of my life; my "pre-marriage" jeans. It's fun to be wearing them again. I've been having trouble with cookies though. And chocolate chips. Once I start them, I just can't stop. I'm frustrated by my lack of self-control, my "weakness." But then I was reminded of the verse in 2nd Corinthians, " three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it from me but he said 'My grace is sufficient for you. My power is made perfect in weakness.'" Paul calls whatever he is struggling with his "thorn in the flesh" "a messenger of Satan sent to torment me." That's how I feel too. So, how do I use this "thorn" to tap into God's power, so that I get to a place where I can boast in my weaknesses? I'm not sure yet. But it does make me smile to think of my addiction to chocolate chips as a "messenger of Satan sent to torment me." :)
Here's another angle though. A statement I came across yesterday about the need to take care to not make your body an idol. So I stopped to analyze if I have done that: I spend a lot of time thinking about exercise and what I eat. A lot of time planning or regretting. I give things up in order to have my body look the way I want to. And now that I am more pleased with the results I've been having, I spend more time in the mirror admiring how I look or taking pride in what "I've" accomplished. Oh my, that all sounds really bad. But, on the flip side, we also are to be good stewards of the bodies God has given us and a large part of my fitness endeavors have been because I was not living in a healthy way. I guess there must be a fine line and I'm also guessing that they only way I'm going to be able to walk it successfully is by grace. More grace! Always, more grace...maybe that's how I glory in my weaknesses: because of them I will never fulfill my need for God's bounties of grace.

2009-11-03T08:31:00.003-06:00

There's been a lot going on lately. Lots of blogging type thoughts have come to mind and gone again before I had a chance to get them down. My grandma's in the hospital right now, actually have surgery today to remove cancer in her colon. It's not really shocking or anything because Grandma hasn't been in good health for a long time; in and out of the hospital in the last few years, this time they're just calling it cancer. At mom's request I asked Pastor Tom to go visit her and help her find some peace and comfort amidst all of the scary things going on right now, even facing the possibility of death, which honestly might be better than what she's have to live through. Anyway, he went, last night, almost right away. I'm so grateful for the love he has for people and the wisdom he has giving me complete confidence that he will say only what God tells him to, even if it's awkward. In a sense I feel kinda guilty, sending Pastor Tom to do my "dirty work," that is having this most important but not comfortable conversation with Grandma. But on the other hand, if anyone's going to help her, it will be him. She does say she is a believer, however she never learned how to live it and now is without the practice of going to God when things are hard. She's also got a lot of unforgiveness and bitterness stored up. Something the Pastor Tom personally understands. So I've been alternating between fear that Grandma's going to hate me for putting her in the position of talking to this very forward stranger, and hope that maybe God will do a huge work here and Grandma will find joy. What a thought; Grandma Morgan with joy and peace! I smile just thinking of it and praying it will be so. Even so far as if she made peace with God last night then I would be at peace if he took her now, just because it would be so much better than what she's been living with. And it wasn't so long ago that I watched cancer work it's course and it's not pleasant. So much pain and discomfort.
So, that's what I'm thinking about these beautiful fall days. Not necessarily bad thoughts although you might think that at first.
We went to Ames to see Grandma this weekend and got to go to Cornerstone for Saturday night service. I left there with an immense feeling of satisfaction; like when you're hungry after a long run and find a good meal ready for you. (Parker just drove his toy truck down the front of my shirt until it hooked in my bra and said "park." )Anyway...the heartfelt worship and the "solid food" of the teaching from Ephesians. So good. Wow, how I miss going there. And I know, everyone misses Cornerstone because there's no other churches just like it, but also this is the church were I really felt at home. I've gone to a lot of different churches in my life, but this one was mine. The one where I really grew a lot in my faith, faced some difficult life happenings, faced some huge joys, really saw examples of what it is to be a Christ follower. This is my "home" church out of all of them I've ever attended and it's hard to move my heart from that. These are people I trust, even though I hardly know them anymore, but I know that they're real, so I trust them. Even in the huge new auditorium; really a building that I hardly recognize, I felt at home. And it's nice to still be recognized in a huge place like that. But we don't "go" there anymore, I'm not a regular part of the fellowship, and I need to get engaged in the church here. Is it so hard because I just don't want to or is it so hard because this one isn't really a home? Probably more my attitude than I want to admit...but it's hard to trust that deeply again. When we left Cornerstone I was almost glad to go, but I realize now that my heart had drifted from God and the problems were mine, not theirs. I was offended only as their walk revealed my lack there of. Not that Cornerstone is a perfect church, or that I should hold out until I find one just like it. I guess I just got to work on my attitude. But I'm still homesick.

Worms

2009-10-29T09:51:00.002-05:00

You know it's wet outside when you find worms on the kitchen floor. NASTY. Thankfully they're at church and not my house. But still... And I should clean them up but I'm not sure my stomach would cooperate so I'm going to pretend I don't see them.
In other news, I have to confess a BAD day yesterday. My father-in-law's birthday is this weekend and we decided to give him a large bag filled with brownies. See the problem? I have to hold out while 5 batches of warm gooey brownies pass through my house. I've only made three batches so far and have already failed miserably. I never just sat down and ate one but rather sampled the entire pan as I packaged them up. By the evening, I felt sick. At least I didn't want to eat any more then. However, I still have to make two more batches tonight. Maybe I'll try chewing gum while I work with them...To clarify, it's not so much the brownies that are the problem, but rather my lack of self-control. If only I could just have a bit or two and be done. But no; one bite and I'm done for. It's the same way with chocolate chips. I have a little handful and then I can't keep from going back. It's way better to have none at all, but some afternoons I just can't help it...
I did my Latin Dance video for the third time yesterday. After doing it Monday I was really rather sore and happy about that so I was looking forward to another good workout. From what I've heard and experienced, a dancer's workout promotes a lean and flexible body rather than an overly muscular and bulky body. My body type tends towards bulk (in more ways than one :P) so I thought this might be a good direction to lean. I'm still not having huge success in the area of coordination, but it's a little better then at first; at least I can keep up with the warm up now. :P Despite how embarrassing this is I'll still confess that yesterday I did the video in my swimsuit and wrap skirt. I thought maybe that would help me move my hips better if my clothing helped me be more aware of the movement. Not sure it worked; I just felt really silly. And totally look like a dork doing "the Samba bounce."

Latin Dancing

2009-10-21T10:32:00.002-05:00

My enthusiasm for eating well and working out has definitely been lagging lately. I still do it...but don't really want to. The dreary weather doesn't help. Makes me just want to curl up on the couch and I don't even have the option of a good bike ride. So I thought I'd try a new exercise video to spice things up. I got "Latin Cardio Dance" for $10 at Walmart. It was a bummer. Not that it might not be good, but it left me feeling fat and uncoordinated. The way the instructors moved made even push-ups look sexy, but me, I concentrated really hard to manage marching in place to the beat. Definitely couldn't do all the fancy steps or look so good doing it. And the "shimmy" move? Yeah...more like jello jiggler when I did it, not that I could do it. Shaking my hips one way and my shoulders the other was way over my head. Gosh darn it. I want to be coordinated and able to move my hips 60mph. I'll keep working on it, if for no other reason but I need to get my money's worth. But definitely disappointed in myself.

Not even a hint

2009-10-15T12:38:00.002-05:00

Was reading in Ephesians this morning because I was again convicted about my tv viewing habits. I was thinking about what I do in a day that's any different from a person who does not claim to be a Christian, and I don't know that there's too much on a regular basis. There were bad attitudes and such that came to mind that I know I need to work on, and am...but also came to mind the little habits that I excuse. As one author puts it "the little foxes that spoil the vines." Mike and I like to watch two tv shows regularly, "The Big Bang Theory" and "The Office." Whenever I tell people that I usually say, "They're kinda nasty, but..." Now what place do I have watching tv shows that I introduce that way? So God and I decided this morning that they're out. So's "Friends" I guess...and anything else that might fall into those lines, although those are the only ones that I really watch with any regularity. *Sigh* So much for evening entertainment. There is pretty much nothing decent on tv anymore. And those two shows were maybe the only thing Mike and I had in common that we liked to do together. I'm not exaggerating here. Would God excuse "obscenity, foolish talk, and course joking" in favor of marital camaraderie? Probably not...The other thing is that now I have nothing to look forward to. Pathetic, no? I've always been someone who lives from one happy anticipation to the next and if I don't have something, I tend to get depressed. Now you understand why I start Christmas decorating in October; sometimes I'm desperate. I know it's bad to spend my whole week looking forward to tv shows with dirty humor...but...well, I guess that's just more evidence that I need to give them up and find something new. Maybe I really should take up knitting.

Wyoming Pictures

2009-10-09T12:36:00.002-05:00

Got a few moments to upload some new pictures and there are a few good ones. I'm quite pleased with my new camera. Thanks for the recommendation there, Christy.

And the results are in...

2009-10-09T10:44:00.002-05:00

I didn't gain any weight on my trip! Hurray!!Not sure if I made my 1lb. goal either...but at least I didn't go backwards!

In other news, I saw a quote by Abraham Lincoln that intrigued me; "A man with no vices has very few virtues." I smiled at this because I once had someone write me a letter of recommendation that stated "Holly has no vices." The statement had always amused me because it is of course ridiculous, as any one who knows me well can attest to, but flattering that someone would still think that. Well Lincoln certainly puts that in perspective doesn't he? *Sigh*

Another thought...this morning I read the verse "the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom," for the 50 millionth time and I felt like I understood it for the first time! I had been praying for my little brother because he's make a lot of choice that just aren't smart, and I know he knows better. It frustrates me how he says "I know, I know" and does it anyway. But after reading the verse it makes sense, that if he doesn't have the fear of God, then he also doesn't have the wisdom to make right choices. He's make his choices based on the wisdom of the world (which is foolishness compared to God's) so no wonder he can't see how they could hurt him later. Perhaps when he was still at home he learned the rules, but not the motivation (the fear of God) and so now that he's on his own (more or less; he sleeps in mom's house but only occasionally) he's got no reason to follow the rules. Although my realizing this does not really do much for him, it does help my frustration over why he's doing these things and helps me know how to pray for him better. It also helps me to realize what should be my goal in raising my kids: not to teach them a bunch of rules but to teach them how to fear the Lord and, better yet, to model it. If they focus on that then they will be well on their way to making wise choices on their own. I also realize this isn't groundbreaking stuff, and you're probably saying "duh!" but hey, sometimes it takes awhile for it to sink in and I"m just grateful for the insight.

Traveling

2009-10-08T12:03:00.002-05:00

So... eating well can be hard when you're away from home for a week and there's nothing in the airports under $5. Parker and I flew to Wyoming for the last six days and had a great time, but it did post some hazards to my fitness goals. On this side of it though I feel like I navigated it successfully. This is not in a little thanks to the great cooking of Christy our hostess. She planned us a delicious and healthy menu that made it way easier to eat how I should and enjoy it! Granted I did have a hamburger and fries one night...and we drank a lot of coffee....and even had ice cream once...but all in all it went pretty well. I don't know for sure because I didn't keep track of my calories the whole time,but I gave myself permission to loosen up. The only real hangup was those darn pumpkin chip cookies...probably shouldn't have eaten so many of those...speaking of which the mush from my carry-on that was once pumpkin chip cookies sounds really good right now...Anyway, the other bit of a challenge was the "something active" everyday. We weren't exactly sedentary, but I did sit on the couch and watch Gilmore Girls a bit. :D Parker and I tried to get out for walks a few days, and I also did my exercise video two other days, so all in all I'm hoping that at least I didn't loose any ground. Last night might have been my biggest splurge because supper consisted of a burger from McDonalds and a 16 oz. Mint Condition from Caribou. :) Yummy. Today it's back in the saddle; I ate my twigs and soy flakes for breakfast and logged it up. Making a grocery list from all the tastey menu items Christy made for us and am excited about the new options to our rotation and that I don't have to feel guilty about them! I thought about asking for the cookie recipe too, but that would literally be asking for it.
I can't really decide how I feel about the taking of the Parker on this trip. On one hand it was really fun to have him and see his reactions to all the new experiences and it's fun memories of stuff just he and I did together: no one can say that we're not bonded! However he won't remember them and sometimes I think, I just want a break! There would've been a lot more that Christy and I could've done with out a toddler in tow and I was so jealous of the other plane passengers that got to sleep or read their own books and didn't have to catch the toys before they got chucked down the aisle...All in all though, I didn't have a choice so I guess I will just be grateful that I get the chance to have the memories of such adventures with my son and grateful that I can take him out in public and he's a good companion, even if he does end up without pants more often than anyone would like.

Another 4 Weeks

2009-09-28T11:57:00.002-05:00

Well, we're up to 16 weeks total of this weight-loss effort. In order to be meeting my original goal I should have then lost 16lbs.: Even better, I'm at 27!. That's an encouraging thing, although I would still love for it to be going faster. I can't complain though because I've really be slacking lately. Still getting my exercise and activity in, but eating bad stuff. Not going over my calorie limit, but not eating what I should to fill those calories either. And there's all the little nibbles of things throughout the day that I don't account for. This last week I've been hungry for cheez-its in the afternoon. Not good. There's nothing else I can really find to take the place of that enjoyable munchy. Darn it anyway that I even have them in the house but they're Mike's. So I eat them. Part of my problem is the coffee I drink in the morning, see then by the after lunch I am tired, but I can't sleep because the caffeine hasn't worn off yet. Therefore I eat when really I'm tired but can't sleep. It's vicious. It helps if I can stay busy, but most days I'm just running after Parker all the time, and that lends itself to snacks. Anyway, self-control is the word! And enough of that bad news, the good news is that in spite of these struggles, I still lost 3 in. off my waist this month. Only 1in. off my hips, but still I can tell a difference as I am able to fit into lots of my old pants now. That's very fun. I also found the three pairs of super slim pants that I bought in NM when I was in really good shape. I could get one of them buttoned, but it was not comfortable or attractive. :P Let's just say that I rediscovered some motivation!
And now, to kill my dog. Why does she bark at nothing and always during nap time???!!!!

Two things that make you wonder...

2009-09-23T12:17:00.002-05:00

Just what God is up to.
1. Last night was supposed to be the first meeting of our new couples Bible Study. Mike and I have talked about starting one for over a year. We finally set a date and invited 5 couples. I cooked and clean most of the day; Mike had a list of talking points. I prayed that this would just be a starting point of a tight group that would provide each other with challenge and encouragement. Long story short, no one came. One couple called and said they couldn't make it, but I guess the others just forgot or something. That's completely feasible, but doesn't help much. They said they were excited. I don't really even know how I feel about it. I'm disappointed of course because as much as anything I wanted this group for Mike and I because I know that we need it. But I'm also not really surprised, kinda just reinforces my impression that a strong marriage and family life is just not a priority around here. I told Mike that it certainly doesn't do anything for my homesickness for Cornerstone and the connection groups there. Should we try again? What is God trying to teach us? Will Mike have the motivation to try again? Are we supposed to give up and just go to our respective men's and women's groups like everyone else? Why is spirituality so segregated around here????
2. On, a more positive note, a few months ago we were contacted by Bethany Christian Services about needing a mentor for a 13 year old girl in the area. At the time, I thought, gee I should do that, but never actually acted on it. God kept bringing it to mind though so finally today I called them thinking I'd just see if they needed any other mentors or if they had a list I could join. Turns out that that same girl needed a mentor again, the first one had only been available for the summer. Cool. Talk about timing. So, we'll see how this goes....

Pride goeth before.....

2009-09-16T09:20:00.003-05:00

It wasn't really a bad morning, just rather typical really. Things were going smoothly and I was on track to get out of the door on time to get to work. I had dressed myself in a favorite old sweatshirt that I hadn't been able to wear in awhile and happily observed that it looked pretty good now. So, the last thing to do before we go out the door, put Parker's shoes on and, of course, he has poop down his leg and on the floor and now stool. I carry him back to the changing table with his legs kicking so that we leave a trail of fling. Not a quick clean up but rather a mopping and complete outfit change. Clean up the trail. Get the shoes on finally, grab bags and out the door. Child in the car seat, I happen to look down as I reach for my door handle, and that lovely sweatshirt that I just mentioned has also been bestowed with its own measure of poop. I'm glad I'm not a swearing person because as it was Parker imitated the frustrated noise I made as I dashed back in the house to change myself.....

Just a Cracker

2009-09-14T12:43:00.002-05:00

That's all I want. I've really been craving the carbs lately. I can't think of much that would be better than sitting down to eat a whole box of crackers, say cheddar-jack cheez-its. Yum. Unfortunately I don't have any room on my eating count for a whole box of crackers, especially of the cheese variety. I did make some fresh corn muffins last night that helped fill the void. Today I'm sticking with my apple and peanut butter dip combo because it makes me feel like I'm eating a lot. The other day I was wishing for a day to just eat whatever I want and not care about it. It sounds like sweet freedom. But in all reality, I don't really want that. Because I'm very happy with how my freedom from food is progressing. Really, what I would like, is for "whatever I want" to become what is healthy and reasonable for me to eat. That's what would really be enjoyable. Think I've got a ways to go yet, but maybe, by grace, I'll get there. Yesterday we went to Pizza Ranch for lunch, something I haven't ventured since the day after I started this journey. And I did ok. I had a few little bits of things I enjoy and walked away satisfied, but not guilty. Like I told Mike, it's a lot less fun to eat at Pizza Ranch when you have to face just how many calories you consume there.

18 month Pictures

2009-09-10T11:32:00.004-05:00

Despite a camera that's wigging out on me and a child that was doing his best to make this hard for me, I think I got some good shots.

For future reference...

2009-09-09T09:33:00.001-05:00

12 miles of biking+ 2 miles running = sore hips. And do I feel better? Slightly. But at least I had no reason to feel guilty about those cookies anymore.

Guilt

2009-09-08T16:26:00.002-05:00

Not sure why it's around, but it is in spades this weekend. I cooked a lot this weekend because we had company and I couldn't offer him much in the way of entertainment so I thought maybe food would help. Calorie-wise, I didn't do too badly, they just weren't necessarily the right calories to be eating (cookies, apple pie). On the other hand I had some really good successes such as eating breakfast at home and only observing at the all you can eat pancake "fest". Then there was the wedding and I didn't have any cake, but there were cheesy potatoes, and really good rolls, and the mints were great too. On top of that it was a busy day so no time for even a walk. Really, I've had worse weekends, especially as far as activity goes. But for whatever reason I am just plagued with guilt today. Part of it might be the fitness magazine that I bought yesterday. Last month it was inspiring. This month I feel like I should be doing everything in it. To top it all off I got on the scale last night and it said that I had gained 5lb back!!!! I don't think that's accurate because I got on this morning and that had gone away plus 2 more. But still...just adds to it all. I've been thinking that maybe I should flip-flop my calorie intake so that I'm taking in the majority in the morning when I have all day to burn them off. As it is, I typically get to supper time and say "oh! look how much more I can eat" and we all know that's not so smart. So that was my goal today, however here I am at 4:30 and hungry and if I eat any more I won't get any supper....
Now on top of that, I'm frustrated with my husband again so I hung up the phone and ate 2 cookies. :P Man alive how I wish I lived somewhere with some other way to vent and fill my time!! God and I had been working on a lot of things lately and I thought I had some peace but gosh darn it, I guess I hadn't grown as much as I had hoped. In Isaiah 58 there is a verse that says ..."The Lord will supply all your needs in a sun-scorched land." I've really latched on to that verse and the surrounding ones because I feel like that's where I am a lot of times. I have a need for companionship, for recreation, for a listening ear, for spiritual challenge and teaching, for trees (all across the spectrum here), among others. And when I search for them where I'm at right now, I feel like I'm in a barren land. Don't take me wrong here, I'm not trying to paint a bad picture of Mike; I'm not expecting him to meet all of these needs or saying it's his fault. I guess what I'm saying that at this point and place in life as I struggle with a lack of friends, a lack of church that really teaches and challenges, a lack of trees :), and a husband that is pulled about 5 different directions, my only firm ground is that God has set it up so that He will meet all my needs and that's the only place I'm going to find peace. I know I'm not the first woman to deal with this, particularly in this culture and place. From what I've seen, my predecessors either ate, shopped, or ran. I'm trying not to eat, don't have the money or the good place to shop (walmart only fills the void so much :P), so I guess I'm going running. I hate running.

The Bookshelf

2009-09-04T09:35:00.003-05:00

Here are the pictures I promised. A few different angles. I'm hoping to get a floor lamp to replace that little one on the end table. At least that short part was supposed to be an end table for the chair there, but ended up falling a little short so I need to rearrange that.

I'm so excited I could eat something!

2009-09-03T09:33:00.002-05:00

But that would be counter productive. See, I realized that I now weigh the same as when I got married, so I pulled out some clothes from then. Put on some 11/12 pants that I liked, and they fit! Comfortable even. So I'm wearing them now and feeling pretty good. Although I'm still a long way from where I want to be, I'm trying to also enjoy how far I've gotten to this point because it wasn't so long ago that I wasn't sure I'd ever see even this point again. I feel like "Monica" must feel on "Friends" after any episode where she has to wear her fat suit for a flashback. That is to say, I feel like I'm taking off my fat suit and am able to be more myself again. I know that this is all mental, and maybe I could've come out of this funk without loosing weight, but this is certainly making it easier and making the whole world look a little more rosie.
Also contributing to my brighter out look on life is that I actually got up this morning for a quality quiet time in a quality quiet place. Since I got my bookshelves finished in my library and had equipped it with a comfy chair and a lamp it was almost enough incentive to get me out bed early. I said, ok God, you wake me up and I'll get up. So He did and it was lovely to have a whole hour to sit and sip coffee and read and pray. I feel much more prepared for my day and life in general.
If you've never done a yoga shoulder stand, you should try it. Yeah, you look pretty funny and it's not easy, but it's very fun once you get it.

Peanut Butter Dip

2009-09-02T09:38:00.002-05:00

My latest substitute recipe is I winner if you ask me. I enjoy apples and peanut butter as a snack,but 2tb. of peanut butter just has too many calories and 1tb. is not enough for a whole apple. So this weekend I improvised with 1tb. peanut butter (all natural, no sugar of course), 1/4c. nonfat, plain yogurt, and one pouch of "truvia" the natural calorie free sweetener that I'm trying. The results were delightful. Might be better than peanut butter alone, and lots more for dipping! And filling. Give it a shot.
My new drink that I outlined before is also treating me well. It's great when I want something special to snack on. Hopefully they don't soon come out with negative aspect of club soda....

It''s a good thing I'm painting them purple...

2009-08-31T10:40:00.003-05:00

For the last week I've been working on building built in bookshelves in my upstairs library. Well, I admit, I didn't do it the easiest way, and I had to "unbuild" several times. My husband gave up on helping me with my "poorly engineered" project a couple days ago after getting it mostly built in the garage but then being unable to get it up the stairs. So anyway, I got some time to get it finished and let Mike have the baby for the evening. Long story short, I shot myself with the nail gun. It when in one side and out the other, but I didn't know that so I just whipped back and off the nail. Guess I'm glad I did that so that I didn't have to think about getting the nail out. But then I dripped blood on my shelf. I finished the shelf with a throbbing finger, and was much more wary of the gun after that. Today the finger still hurts, but hopefully I don't need a tetanus shot. Now I've got to paint it but hopefully by tomorrow there will be books on it!

In other news, yesterday was another measuring day. In the last four weeks I lost another 9lbs. and almost 2in. off my hips! Very exciting. Only .5 in. off my waist though so I think I might need to focus there a bit more. Yesterday I also invented a new drink. It's a knock off of the sparkling green tea that I really like, only it's calorie and high fructose corn syrup free! I took green tea, stevia, and a little lemon and lime and mixed it with club soda. Ta da! It could still use a little work, but it wasn't a bad substitute.

Engage Your Core

2009-08-26T09:26:00.002-05:00

Mike laughed at me when I told him this, but I have to say, few things feel as good as biking up a hill using your core muscles and legs like you're supposed to. I just recently discovered what a difference it makes to "engage your core" when you bike and I have a whole new level of power. Yesterday I rode around two lakes (about 12 miles) in 45 minutes; half of it is gravel and all of it is pulling the bike cart. That might not sound that fast but my previous fastest time was 1 hour 15 minutes. Today my core is tired so I think I might take a break...

A momentous occasion

2009-08-23T18:00:00.002-05:00

It's a day I've been waiting for for a long time: after 17.5 months I have finally removed all of the maternity clothes from my closest. Unfortunately they were not still there because I am lazy and unorganized but because I still had to wear them a year after I had the baby. But no more! While wearing my strechy pants from college I also removed anything that said "XL". :D And gave my husband his t-shirts back. I don't think I have to tell you that it is a good feeling. And last night I put on a pair of dress slacks that I had worn when I worked at USDA, the low waist style and they looked alright and were comfortable. Now, don't go to thinking that I've had amazing results lately. Actually I'm not even sure that I made my 1lb. goal this week (but there are some *other reasons* for possible water weight right now so I'm not going to worry about it) but progress is being made and I'm feeling more comfortable in my skin. And it's marvelous. I also just realized that if I keep up at my current rate, I could have a really fun shopping trip on our annual Christmas trip to Minneapolis this year. :D
Today was fairly successful in the eating area too (so far). I avoided the coffee and the scones after church this morning (warm and soft and blueberry, it was a feat of self-control) and the hot dogs at noon. I did have a bite of each, but I stopped at that. Instead we went for a bike ride and then went swimming. Now Mike wants to go out for burgers and ice cream....hm...Not sure how I'm going to navigate that yet. But we'll figure it out.

A Good Morning

2009-08-21T09:49:00.002-05:00

So, two great things happened this morning:
1. I woke up and realized that Parker only got up ONCE last night. And that once I just lay down next to him and he went back to sleep. That is AMAZING. And by far the best night we've had in a really long time. The reason he even woke up that once? The train. At 1 a.m. laying on his horn. %$#%^%$^&%&%%#$@#$@! But, the break through that proceeded this blessed night of restfulness? I literally got down on my knees and prayed. So I am very grateful this morning. And a tad bit more rested.
2. I put on my stretchy yoga pants and they didn't disgust me! Granted they don't look as good as they did in college, but they are comfortable and they''re not gross. So again, very grateful.
Last night I had taco johns for supper. I know, I know, that doesn't have any place in my diet, but it's what Mike wanted to eat. And I'm trying to do better at loving my husband, and if that's what it takes, then I will "sacrifice" a lb. or two to make him happy. That's not to say that I don't like Taco John's too, it's just really calorie loaded and put me over my limit yesterday. Like Mom says, there are lots of different reasons that we eat, and I did not eat at Taco Johns because of a lack of control, but just as a choice.
A new thing I'm trying is called "Truvia;" it's a no calorie natural sweetener. Made from Stevia, it's away to sweeten tea and such without the calories or chemicals that are in normal calorie free things. It made my Chai this morning really yummy. It's a tad bit expensive, but I don't think I'll use it too quickly. And I found a great coupon at www.shopathome.com

An Ideal Husband

2009-08-19T09:28:00.002-05:00

Oh yeah, there was something else I wanted to write about. I watched this movie the last few days, with a title that disgusted Mike just by the sight of it: "An Ideal Husband." But you know it really was rather good. It didn't have so much of the silly romanticism but rather a little real husband and wife relationship. Some good truths in it too about how no one is perfect but being married means that you choose to love them anyway. Granted it wasn't all about good relationships or morals, but it was decent and a nice change of pace from typical chick flicks. And lots of English wit which I always love. :)

A little perspective

2009-08-19T09:15:00.002-05:00

So I was going crazy this morning, or at least on the verge. I don't know what's gotten into Parker lately but he's been a beast. Having temper tantrums, not eating well, not sleeping well, and clingy. Like he was clinging to my leg as I tried to use the bathroom this morning. Maybe it's the terrible twos coming on early, or maybe it's that I've been "night weaning" him this last week and a half and maybe he's just really not ready for that. But then I got into my e-mail and saw a message about a friend of ours who's little few month old guy is in the hospital because he stopped breathing at the babysitter's and now I guess he's having convulsions. Poor fellow. I can't imagine how hard that it is see and not be able to do anything about. So, praying for them and thankful that at least Parker is healthy if not happy. :P On top of that as I sat down to pray for some help this morning God did give me peace and when I got to work my favorite little babysitters came running out to take the child off my hands. Hallelujah! I will enjoy this while it lasts and then get back to being a mother with thankfulness and God's grace.

Wii Fit

2009-08-17T12:06:00.002-05:00

It's been awhile, but I haven't really had much to post. I lost another 6lb. in the last 2 weeks, bringing my total up to 18lb.? I think. So, feeling alright about that however still not seeing the results in my clothes that I would like. Not sure what's up there, if I'm loosing the weight, where's it coming from? Anyway, my newest fitness venture is the Wii Fit that we got hooked up Saturday night. It's pretty fun and I've discovered that I have really bad balance. I was also kinda depressed when I took my first "body test" it said that my "Wii Fit" age was 39 and when it weighed my my "Mii" got fatter. :( Mike says it's motivation. Today was the first day that I actually did it as my workout and it was fun, the time flew by. I like have the variance to my workout like hula hooping for 8 minutes and then step aerobics for another 8 or so and then I go for a 3 minute run. That's about all the run I've ever been able to get enthused about. The thing I don't like is the time it takes to get from activity to activity. It gives me too much resting time I think. As I "unlock" the higher level of intensity of the exercises that should help some. But it look me over an hour to clock 45 minutes of exercise. That's not quite right. However, like I said, I didn't notice the time passing.
Another recent happening was the surviving of the Iowa State Fair. We went on Friday. Typically people think of the state fair as a place to consume astronomical amounts of calories usually all on a stick and fried. So I had to come up with a battle plan. I ate a satisfying but lean breakfast and then packed ham and cheese wraps for lunch. It worked well to satisfy my hunger and then all the junk didn't tease me as much. It also helped that it was really hot and everything is so expensive so I wasn't as tempted either. However, I didn't say no to any indulgences, in fact I planned on a few and just the fact that I knew I could have them helped me to not want them as much. I ended the day (including the out to supper) only about 400 calories over my goal. When you add in the fact that I walked around the fair grounds for about 5 hours with a 25lb. child on my back, I think I actually came in way below the goal. So it was a good day. No feeling deprived and no feeling guilty.

Feeling Squirrely

2009-08-16T18:39:00.001-05:00

I have decided that I am part squirrel. I get an inordinate amount of pleasure from putting food away for the winter. One of the best gifts I have ever received was a small size deep freezer. It's small enough to be cute and fits in close proximity to my kitchen; yet it still serves it's purpose and gives me lots of room to squirrel food away. So far, this summer I have put away 27 bags of sweet corn (half went to my mother though), four bags of peaches, a bag or two of rhubarb, two bags of zucchini (I just learned how to spell that today :)), a loaf of zucchini bread,four bags of green beans, and a peach pie. That's all I can remember right now but there are still several bags of apples from last year, a pumpkin pie, and some beef from last winter's stock. Oh and a few items of buns and such that I buy when they're a good deal at the bread outlet. So yeah, all this leaves me feeling very domestic and pleased. And I've still got a ways to go before winter. I've got lots of squash coming in my garden and lots of onions and potatoes as well, although they don't go in the freezer. The coffers are bursting! :) I really was born into the wrong era, either that or the wrong fur. :D

4 Weeks

2009-08-03T13:33:00.002-05:00

Well, last night was the four week point so it was also a measuring day. First off I weighed and was down another 2 lb! That Gives me a total of 12lb. lost in four weeks, about triple my goal. If I could keep up at that pace I will be at my goal weight before Christmas. The measuring was also encouraging, I had lost half an inch off my waist, 2.25in. off my hips, an inch off my arm and 2 inches off my leg. All very exciting. I'm not seeing a huge change in how my clothes fit yet, but I'm looking forward to that. All, in all I'm feeling pretty good about it all, however it is forced. Being the perfectionist I tend to be, I keep thinking, I could've done better. But as Mike and Amy have both pointed out, they seem to say that slow and steady lasts longer in the long run when it comes to weight loss. I've gotten lazy about my protein intake lately, so I need to pay more attention to that again. I've also been doing more snitching as I cook or feed Parker which is impossible to track the calories of. Pretty much it's cheating. And although you can cheat the calorie counter you cannot cheat the scale.

The hidden benifits of weight loss and fitness.

2009-07-30T12:03:00.001-05:00

And they shall remain hidden. :D

Peach Pie

2009-07-27T14:47:00.002-05:00

So, the last few days have not been the best. That's largely due to peach pie. Who knew it has somewhere around 400 calories a slice? And if you have homemade ice cream in the house of course you have to have a topper. Consequently, I've gone over on my calories several of the last several days and today finds me feeling guilty. But I really need to find balance here because these are the facts: 1. I like sweets, particularly ones I've baked myself. 2. I get great satisfaction from baking, not just the eating afterwards. 3. Despite the 15 quarts of homemade ice cream and 5 fresh peach pies that have been in and out of my house in the last 5 days, I have only consumed a total of 2 pieces of pie and 2.25 cups of ice cream, not even nearly one helping every time it's been served. 4. On the days that I have decided to enjoy some, it was a choice, not a giving in, and I was careful to balance my other eating (today all I had for lunch was pie. :))5. I still lost 2lbs last week which, though lower than the other weeks, is still twice my goal. All in all I've dealt with this temptation with self-control and restraint and not fallen below my goal for the week. Then why do I feel the need to eat nothing but 100 calorie cereal today to make up for the weekend? This is the point I've often come to in my many attempts to overcome bad eating habits: for a few days I fail to meet my standards, I get discouraged and I decide that I'm not going to be able to keep it up and I quit. It's the perfectionist in me. But no! I am not going to do that this time! I am still seeing results! There is a place for baked goods in this world and in my diet. I enjoyed them and now we move on. I do not need to feel such guilt and let it drag me into more setbacks. I'm not falling off the wagon, I've just had a few bumps and need to hold on and say "weee!" :) (Because they were very tasty bumps) Eating pie and ice cream is not the unforgivable sin. Ok, enough pep talks; on with the healthy eating. It also helps that I've discovered that every time I eat that ice cream I get a really nasty stomachache. Enough to make me leave it alone.
In other, more successful news I had two women say this weekend "have you lost weight? You look really good!" Now, I didn't think it made that much of a difference already, but it's still nice to hear!

...coming out the other side..

2009-07-24T10:09:00.002-05:00

Well, I survived the ice cream party. I ended up eating a small bit of chicken salad for lunch and then having ice cream then. Partially so I could sit down and really enjoy it and partially so that I had more of the day to burn off the calories before bed. I also tend to eat less when other people are around so I knew that the temptation would be less when everyone was actually there. So I had one delightful cup of mint cookies and cream with fudge swirl ice cream for lunch and then two bites as I was dishing it up later that night. And that was all. I ended up going over my calorie goal by 92 but I also got my walk in for the day, so it evened out and I ended up under the 1500 in the net. :) Today is another Friday and I historically have had trouble on Fridays: little activity and lots of boredom. And tonight I'm planning on baking as many peach pies and I can muster. This weekend promises a lot of sitting and not much bike riding. Hm...that doesn't sound to good but we'll see what we can do. Tomorrow we're driving over to see my sister in a play and then probably spend the rest of the day with them as well. It'll be fun, but my family tends to center around food rather than activity. That's always a challenge. Not to mention that I"m the one bringing pie and ice cream. :)

GQ Man

2009-07-23T09:48:00.004-05:00

Enter, Homemade Ice Cream

2009-07-23T09:17:00.002-05:00

We're having a bunch of people over from camp tonight and Mike made 4 batches of homemade ice cream to feed them. Now, I could manage with just vanilla, I would only need a bit of that and be fine letting it go. But then we also made fresh peach and mint cookies and cream with a fudge swirl. Yeah. So, I'm trying to formulate a battle plan on that one. First of all I'm eating as few calories today as possible, to save room for ice cream. :) At that's as far as I've gotten. In better news, I saw a neighbor this morning and she said "well you're sure looking skinny." No matter that she tends to try to be optimistic and encouraging, so I take her with a grain of salt, but it still sounds good. :) Speaking of which, I need to finish logging my calories from last night and start today. Do I even want to know how many calories are in homemade ice cream? I'm guessing not.

Wednesday

2009-07-22T09:17:00.002-05:00

Well, I promised I'd write more today and Grandpa is here playng with Parker so it's my perfect chance, but I forgot what I wanted to write...The weekend went fast of course. But it was pretty good. Perfect weather. Unusual for July, but I'm not complaining. Monday we spent in Ames which of course I loved. I was needing a cup of real espresso in a real cup in a real coffee shop. :) Don't worry, I made sure it was skim with no whip. I was so proud of my 16 month old too. He got a cup of milk which he sat in the booth and sucked right down and then proceeded to study his alphabet book all with the air of one completely accustomed to spending time in a coffee shop. We'll sure have him ready for college...The other highlight of the day was a stop at the Story City Carousel. I'm always a fan of that ride and it was Parker's first so it made for a memorable moment. I had some pictures to post but I forgot the cord for my camera...Our last purchase of the day was a half bushel box of Missouri Peaches. As of today they are perfect and ready for eating. Yum! Fresh peach pie, fresh peach ice cream, peaches in the freezer for winter,peach smoothies, and just peach in a bowl. And me on a diet. Hm...trying to figure out a good time to fit a piece of peach pie into the calorie count because I don't think I can let this whole box go by without at least one pie. Anyway, I'm excited about my peaches and the fact that I can enjoy them for the most part without blowing the diet. Another weekend find that I'm excited about are the mini Quaker Rice Cakes called "Quakes" and coming in cheese flavor. I think they taste like cheetos. They just hit the spot when you're in need of a munchie snack and only 50 calories per bag! And camp can get a case of them for .98! So that's what Parker and I eat when we go to camp.

In other not as exciting news, Mike's bi-annual trip to Canada with his dad is coming up. I'm excited for him to get to have a break and enjoy this time, but I hate the fact that this trip takes precedence over any family vacation and that it's very exclusively for the men. What if I want to take a vacation with my husband? If we could do both, that would be one thing...but with Mike's busy schedule and the cost of this trip, it means that that is the only trip Mike can afford this year and so we take a summer vacation separately. If he can't take time off to spend with his family then why is it just assumed that he's going to make time and budget space for this trip? Another thing is that is always falls on or just after our anniversary and his dad acts like it's an annoyance that we should have to plan around something like a wedding anniversary. :P And that is my final bone of contention with this trip: I think I would be more for it if it was a trip where Mike could go and get good accountability and teaching and encouragement for being a man of God. However his chances are about 2 out of 3 that he'll get bad advice and examples if any and those aren't exactly the type of men that I want my husband finding his example in. So those are the reasons that I don't look forward to this trip. This year I'm trying to focus on the good break it will be for Mike and the enjoyment I know he gets from it and pray for the time he'll have with his dad that maybe some healing of all the old relational hurts they have between them. And in the meantime I'm going to stay with my Mom so that I have less of a chance to sit home and brood. :P That's always dangerous...

Update

2009-07-21T13:34:00.002-05:00

I think I will write more tomorrow when I am at church and looking for something to do...but I did want to post an update. I weighed Saturday night and had lost another 5lb. Hooray! Especially after an especially craving filled week. I'm beginning to think that my metabolism is really kicking in though because I'm hungry all the time. Also in the hooray catagory, we went to Ames for the day yesterday and when I came home and tallied up my calories, I had one to spare! :) In reality, when you count the things of Mike's that I just had a taste of, I probably went over by about 100 or so, but I did get a workout in last night too, so I think it'll even out. So I was grateful for that, because I had a good day, got to have a few of my favorite treats, and just made some wise choices in the other areas, like McDonalds. So, like I said...more tomorrow!