Yesterday I was reading "The Celebration of Discipline" again and he was talking about study, but also how much we learn when we don't even realize we are "studying." He's referring to what we learn merely by repetition and that whether we mean to or not; this is something the advertising world understands much better than we do. Foster says "Repetition regularly channels the mind in a specific direction, thus ingraining habits of thought...It is not even important that the person believe what he or she is repeating, only that it be repeated. The inner mind is thus trained and will eventually respond by modifying behavior to conform to the affirmation." Or in lots of cases, the condemnation. You see, I next got the e-mail link to this blog by Ann Voskamp and it started me thinking about the condemning "self talk" that I have been listening to for, well probably most of my life. If you're human you probably know: those voices that whisper failure; the mirror that highlights the flaws; the passing comment by the thoughtless that points our how you're not enough; the sin nature of your child that you're shamed you could have hidden if only you were "better." The inner dialogue that is never quiet and rarely peaceful. Repetition. It's trained my inner mind and it's modified my behavior.

So how do I modify it back?

I liked what Ann had to say and I also wanted to add one of my own, "you are enough." That's a tricky one, because I'm sure the world would be quick to jump on board with any number of best-selling self-helping books. But the freedom really comes when I repeat that I am enough only because of Christ. He makes up where I'm sorely lacking. I don't have to DO anything to be enough; my instructions are "BE still and KNOW." That's all. "...it gives me permission to sit down on the inside because I have a God who knows what He's doing."

Another thing that really struck me about that blog post by Ann though (do you like how I refer to her by name as if we were friends?) was when she talked about looking people in the eyes. I have trouble with that and I really don't know why. I've only realized it recently but I really avoid eye contact. "'Tis a puzzlement!" I can't put my finger on what I'm avoiding. It's equally puzzling that the people I have made eye contact with really stick in my memory; and it's a good memory. Like a warm drink, comforting. So why do I avoid it?

Anyway, I don't have an answer to that and it was really kind of a side note.

Yesterday's devotional reading in "Reflections for Ragamuffins" was this: "Would that I had served my God the way I have watched my waistline!" Ha! That about covers it, no? Talk about direct. And I had to ask myself, do I really wish that or am I content with the current division of my efforts? "What is spiritual ecstasy compared to the exquisite pleasure of looking like a model?" Is that what my lifestyle currently broadcasts to those around me?! At least he softened it a little bit by saying that most of North America has also fallen for this "formidable ploy of the impostor." Jesh.

And finally: I'm memorizing Matthew 18 right now, because the pastor told me I had to. But beyond that, I love how God's word is always applicable, even a seemingly unrelated passage. "Woe to the world because of the things that cause people to sin...If your hand or your foot causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away! Better to enter life maimed or crippled than to have two hands or two feet and be thrown into eternal fire." And so I paraphrase: If exercise causes you to sin, cut it out and give it up! Better to enter life out of shape then have a toned body and be thrown into eternal fire." Right?