Back where I started, or maybe behind.

It's me again. After over two years of not posting, even once, I am back. And for similar reasons. It's been a busy two years. I have had three kids. And gained back all of that weight I worked so hard to loose. And then some. And so I've returned in hopes that this blog will again be the accountability I need to get rid of this fat suit. I weigh 207 lb. and I hate my body. There, now that's out there for everyone to know. I hate how it feels when I sit. I hate how it feels when I stand. I hate the "back fat" that just sits there and I can feel it rolling. I hate how none of my clothes fit. Even maternity pants. I hate the dreading of going anywhere because I don't want to get dressed in anything more than cotton pants and baggy shirts. And I hate feeling that I have no self-control. That would be my main problem here; the lack of self-control when it comes to food. I love to bake and I love to eat what I bake. I love bread, cookies, chocolate, cheese, coffee with cream. All of that gets me in a position of being unable to say no. Especially from about 4 o'clock in the afternoon on. In my defense, the lack of self-control is not completely to blame. With my now 2 year old I gained weight and did not have the chance to loose it before I got pregnant with twins. You can probably only imagine the weight gain with twins. While that is good, and they say sufficient weight gain actually helps twins be born healthy and closer to term, now that they are here, I would really like to get rid of it. Now a normal person, nursing twins, would probably be a stick figure by now. Unfortunately my body, with some sort of Armageddon premonition, hordes the weight instead of making milk for my hungry babies. I have GAINED weight since having the twins! Delightful isn't it? Since returning my obviously faulty casing is not an option, I'm going to have to work against it. Also going against me would be a lack of sleep: 4 hours in a row is a really good night. Then there would also be stress. 4 kids under 5, basically housebound, and of course I look to food for a bright spot in my day. Time to exercise? Nope. Time to chart calories? Ha! And I'm required to spend at least 8 hours a day sitting and feeding babies. Getting the picture? Last time I went down this road I would fix two meals in order to have a lower calorie option. I would also flee the house when the food clamor grew overwhelming and I would find refuge in a bike ride or some similar, taxing activity. I'm going to have to find new outs. I don't have a plan yet, but I do have a goal. I would like to weigh 150 by the time I'm 30. That's 296 days to loose 57 pounds. 42 weeks. 1 1/2lb. a week. God willing.