The guy at the funeral home was right,

February is a really long month. We started it with chicken pox. Then Grandma getting sicker and finally dying. Then Parker gets the flu. Then I get the flu. Now it appears that Parker has that RSV virus, which looks like a really bad cold and cough that keeps us both up all night. Sprinkle that with a few good snow storms that cancel plans and make travel difficult. Phew. I'm not really trying to complain here, just kinda overwhelmed. And Mike's been super busy at work and with church stuff and so I'm kinda getting to the end of my rope with parenting day and night. Like I told Christy, it's even harder with the fact that I can't stomach coffee since having the flu and so I can't count on that pick-me-up! One of the rules for finding contentment in life is to never wish you were somewhere else. As I was doubled over the toilet puking my guts out, I wondered if that still applied?
On the positive side, I did loose 5lbs. via puking and last night when I weighed on the Wii it said "that's normal" for my BMI for the first time ever! That was kinda exciting. Being sick appears to have gotten me past that plateau that I'd been at for the last two months. Just as long as I can stick my landing! (comes of watching the Olympics at 2 a.m. this morning!) Also, Parker has made great strides in bedtime routines. So much so that last night he put himself to bed! He disappeared while I was exercising and when I went to find him he was snoring away in his bed with the blanket pulled up over him. That's a far cry from the 3 hour nurse/cry/nurse issues we used to have every night. I thank God for this blessing every night. So much for those experts that say that they'll never learn to put themselves to sleep if you don't let them "cry it out." Not only does he know how to put himself to sleep, he also likes to sleep, and begs for nap time. :) I'll enjoy that while it lasts.
Also looking forward to company coming this weekend. The very good, Bible reading, coffee drinking, deep conversation kind of company that I've been needing. So excited. Just hoping Parker gets to feeling better so that we can enjoy it.

Leg Shaving and the Law of Moses

So, I was thinking the other day, my legs grow hair at an astonishing pace because God made them to. So that hair must have a purpose then musn't it? So then is it unwise for me to shave it off? Is it only vanity and conforming to the social norm? Yes, I find it gross to not shave, but that is largely due to the culture I've been raised in. I certainly wouldn't say it is sinful to shave because I don't know of anywhere that God specifically states that you should not. Perhaps if I were doing it with a rebellious heart it would be; that being after I had had a directive from God that I should not shave and did it anyway. What if my husband did not want me to shave but I did? That would be not submitting and so most likely indicative of a heart issue that was sinful so therefore shaving in that instance would be sinful. But I'm not in that scenario either, I'm just wondering. Because it has to be there for some reason and I don't want to be unwise. But maybe leg hair is a result of the fall and therefore no longer serving it's created purpose and therefore can and should be removed? I just don't know. "'tis a puzzlement!"

The week in review:

I've been struggling with bordem this week. Not so much that I have nothing to do, but that I'm bored with what I do have to do. This presents two problems: 1. I eat when I'm bored and 2. I get emotional and start blowing up those balloons to throw a pity party for lack of anything better to do. So I've been fighting off those two extremes with varying degrees of success.

My appetite has been crazy; I've been wanting to eat everything I shouldn't and constantly. It didn't help that I made an amazing pan of brownies on Monday with the plan of taking them to a friend on Tuesday and then I didn't go so those evil things stayed in my house. Warm, with a little peppermint ice cream....But even sunflower seeds, I just keep eating. One thing that contributes to this is that I've been trying to cut back on my 3 a day coffee habit so I have a caffeine-deficit and am trying to fill that hole with food. If I were wise and disciplined I would be doing that with fiber and vitamin filled fruits and vegetables, right? Nope, cheez-its would be where I head in the afternoon. :P Another thing that I was pondering today was that I haven't had any meat for about the last week; the same amount of time that I've really been feeling just hungry all the time. Last night I had some chicken for supper and this morning I was just fine. Ate my oatmeal for breakfast and made it through to lunch without being ravenous. Interesting,no? Could it be that I am in reality craving meat and the nutrients there-in and finally having some could have that far reaching of affects? It's worth keeping in mind, I think.

As for the emotionalism, I think and pray that I have avoided attending the party. At least I don't think I've bitten my husband's head off. And he has greatly improved my outlook by booking us a Valentine's Day get away to Ames and the Gateway hotel. Wasn't that sweet? I had told him that he didn't have to do anything, and really meant it. I've been focusing on how he does loving things all year, like shovel the snow and take out the garbage. But he certainly went over and above with this, and I really appreciate it, because I need a change of scenery. And it shows that he knows what I like which is the part that really counts. Now if only the weather will cooperate to get us down there...

Dairy Queen in the morning

I'd been hankering for a blizzard; maybe something suggested by the weather or something. At any rate, Parker and I are kinda bored since all of our plans for the weekend have been canceled due to the chicken pox. So we were at Dairy Queen by 10:30 this morning and it was fun. Parker was delighted with his "ice cream star" (dilly bar) and we spent a nice half hour as the only people in the restaurant, probably because they'd only been open for 30 minutes. :D

This is a real dilemma: I'm hungry for Panera. A good bowl of black bean soup, hunk of french bread, and a hazelnut coffee. However the closest Panera I know of is in Ames and if I'm going to go to Ames, then I've got to eat at the Cafe. It appears that the only real solution would be to spend the entire weekend in Ames and then I would be able to enjoy both places to my stomach's content. :D Not that my life is centered on my stomach...:P

Exploring the Pox

Parker has the chicken pox; no big deal, I consider it a rite of childhood and they really don't seem to bother him too much. He's been sleeping great and other than me noticing him itching a little more, he hasn't acted sick at all. I'm keeping him in turtleneck onesies so that he has as little access to scratch them as possible. So far so good. For some reason though, as I watch them spread they make me more and more nauseous. Some about little blistered dots all over my son's body really grosses me out. It's even worse when I spread lotion on him, trying to keep the itchiness down, and I have to feel them....eeeeeeewwwww. I told Mike that he might have to take over. Because he keeps getting more and more, all over the place; literally, all-over. Poor tyke. I feel bad: I can handle poop on my window seat and vomit all over myself, but for some reason, these little bumps really get to me. Guess I really am a texture person. Sorry, Parker.

Measuring

It's been awhile since I've updated on my measuring, weight, and been completely open about my eating habits. So I'll lay it all out. They're rather pathetic. Eating habits that is; I feel like I've lost all of my self-control. Granted, I'm cooking pretty good dishes and I am still eating way less than I was when I started this journey; but I'm also eating more than I know I need to because it's more than I was eating when I was at my best. In the mornings, I start out great, eating my cereal and usually making it to lunch with out too much snacking, and if I do snack it's healthy and good portion size. After lunch it all goes down hill. I've been trying to knock off some of my caffeine intake, so I cut out one of my two morning cups of coffee. By 1p.m. I am therefore really sleepy and there's a coffee drink mix that I have that I really like, so I usually give in. Something about a cup of that and a good book, curled up on these chilly days....so nice. So, then I sometimes have two cups! And then I get hungry and eat all the wrong things, either too many cookies or cookie dough, or sample Parker's cheez-its or just eat too much of good things. Typically I can eat well for supper but if I'm hungry again before bed I sometimes give in to another cookie! I'm quite disgusted in myself. No self-control! What happened to no dessert, let alone two desserts in one day. I know that if I could get off of the sugar train I'd feel better and be able to avoid more sugar, but it's the getting off that's hard. I've tried going back to tracking everything I eat again, but I've really gotten off of the habit and can't seem to do it more than two or three days in a row. And I only had 5lb. to go! Well, I did have...this last month I gained 2lb. rather than lost any. :( I did still lose fractions of inches everywhere but my legs...but I'm afraid I also lost my sense of accomplishment and confidence. I'm really afraid that it's only going to be back downhill again. So much so that I have found myself already expecting my pants to not fit; now that's what gives me a bit of a reality check. For one thing, the body can fluctuate as much as 2lb. in one day, no matter what I do or don't do. So maybe rather than really gaining this last month, I just didn't loose. And Mike also pointed out again, last night when I was lamenting to him, that I really do put on muscle pretty easily, and I'm not built to be a small person, so maybe I'm working against my very genetics. And when I said my self-control was gone he scoffed at me because he thinks the things I put myself through in the name of discipline are ridiculous. So I appreciated his "support" in the form of thinking my worries are unfounded. The other thing is that I am still exercising; actually maybe more than I set out to in my three hard workouts a week. I always set out to do a "just be active" session, but it ends up being a full hour sweat session, so I guess that's good. The moral of this story is that I had a bad last month in feeling guilty about all I've eaten. But, in reality I maybe didn't go backwards, just didn't gain any ground. And I need to not let my guilt pull me into old bad habits by making me think that I haven't really changed. Even if I am getting near the ideal weight for my body type, it seems to me that I should be able to still loose 5lb., I mean I can certainly find plenty of jiggle that I think should go. :P But I can't drown in my guilt, instead I need to keep making small steps. So here I go, baby steps again. Thank you for listening to my self-coaching session. :)

Vegging

Last night I had that tasty looking stir-fry that was filled with lots of vegetables, chicken and not too many calories or fat; and I felt nasty all evening. It's really making me think that I should avoid meat; not that I have anything against it, I just don't feel good when I eat it. All day today I avoided the meat and tonight's special was Sweet Potato Barley Salad. It was pretty darn good, particularly accompanied with some delightful ww biscuits made with greek yogurt. And I feel fine. Satisfied, full, and not nauseous. Not sure why...but whatever, I might just keep on with this experiment for awhile.
Apparently taking pictures of what you cook is addictive because I just couldn't help myself tonight, it looked to pretty with all of those bright colors. :) I'll include the recipe below.



1c. cooked barley
1c. cooked edamame (removed from shell)
1 large sweet potato (cooked and cubed)
1c. fresh baby spinach
1c. raisins
2 medium carrots, shredded
1/2 c. thing red onion wedges
Layer a bit of each together on a plate (makes about 8 side-dish servings).
For dressing mix 1/3c. olive oil, 1/4c. balsamic vinegar, 1 t. garlic salt, and black pepper to taste. Drizzle over salad. I liked eating it with the potato and barley still a bit warm, or you can eat it all cold. It's an odd combination, but oh so good, maybe just because it's such a novelty.

Oh, and the mexican cheese dip that I made earlier today turned out ok, but didn't have much flavor. I added some more seasonings and am letting them blend overnight to see what happens.

Breakfast Cookies

I found this recipe online while looking for a high protein/low cal baked good to mix up and take on my travels. It boasts a whopping 33g. protein with only 216 calories. Honker. I'll give the recipe first and then offer my additions, because you know I can't make a recipe as written. :P
1c. ww flour
3 c. quick oats
1t. baking powder
1t. salt
1t. allspice
1t. ginger
1t. cinnamon
1t. vanilla
1t. ginger
1T. orange peel
2 eggs
7T. canola oil
1 1/2 c. unsweetened applesauce
3/4 c. brown sugar
3/4 c. slivered almonds
1/2 c. sunflower seeds (unsalted)
1 c. craisins

Ok, so I've never made these as written; the first thing I did was dropped all of the brown sugar and instead put in 12 packets of Truvia (I really wish I could find that stuff in bulk instead of the little packets), you could mix that up however you wish. They don't turn out terrible sweet, but good enough and I save 33 calories per cookie that way. I've also never used that many craisins; the first time I used all raisins and this time I used 1/4 and 3/4 respectively. Going with all raisins gives you more natural sugar since the raisins aren't sweetened. This time I also added 2 T. of ground flax meal; this adds omega-3s and a little protein. A few calories too, but I consider it worth it. Apparently you can use flax meal instead of eggs, but I haven't tired that yet. All of the seasonings are key, because they give you your flavor. The consistency is a little, mmm, dense, but not bad. The recipe did not come with cooking time or temps so I do 375 for 14 minutes. Would like to get them a little crisper, but this works ok. Also, the recipe says that it makes 20 cookies; I usually end up with more like 45 so do that math and the 33g. protein would be in the bigger cookies (15 g. is still pretty good...) Obviously, there's lots of adjustments you can make or other things you can add to taste. I was thinking that a little dark chocolate would be good in them and maybe some coconut. So if you just looking for protein and not so much worried about the calories, then try it out. As I've done it so far, they're pretty good, can fill my cookie desires in a pinch, and really do well for a mid-morning snack when your cereal just doesn't quite stretch to lunch time. And why, you may ask, do I keep cooking all of this stuff when I'm supposed to be on a diet? Uh...it's an addiction I'm afraid, I love to cook! That's why I'm trying to focus it healthy at least....:)