Throughly Chastised

After my emphatic post concerning the church retreat, I also had a conversation on the same topic and ended up being thoroughly chastised for being "offensive and belittling." I know my heart, and I know that it tends to be filled with pride and I also know the Bible verse that says "the heart is deceitful above all things, who can trust it?" So I decided to go the route of humility and assume that my accuser was completely correct in what was said. Not a pleasant feeling nor following days of self-reflection. I have before been convicted of an ugly attitude of "I could do it better" when it comes to this place that I live and this church. God says I'm supposed to love His church but it's coming really hard for me this time. Maybe I have come across as "offensive and belittling" to everyone and that is why I haven't made any friends in two years? Depressing thought. And yet I know my attitude is still far from right. So the conclusion so far is this: to pray for God to change my heart in this area, even though I have no desire in that direction, but I know it's right. And in the meantime, ascribe to the age old motherly advice "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything." Mouth Shut.