I should really update my blog...

But for some reason I haven't felt any urge to write lately. It's not that there's not anything going on, but maybe just nothing that stirs my writing imagination? No new pictures to post really...I don't know. But maybe I'll try to post some recent highlights:
-Fall weather seems to be here and I love it. Cool nights and lovely days. Today is rainy and overcast; delightful. Not sure if this is here to stay or just a teaser, but I do love fall. The farmers are all anxious to get in the field and Mike's planning on starting next week. This rain won't help that goal any, but it's still not far in the future.
-Our church is officially pastor-less. They're moving out tomorrow and last night was the big discussion meeting with all the congregation there. It really wasn't as exciting as a lot of people were hoping for and is was organized by a Ph.d.'d facilitator who keep the yelling to a minimum. There was more I would've liked to say, particularly to certain people, but mostly the hope is that we can just put this behind us and move on. If we don't, who knows what will happen. Mike even talks of us changing churches and frankly, I'm glad. Not so much that I want to change, but I'm grateful that he would consider it. As was said last night, since he was "born into" this church I wasn't very confident that he "knew the way out." But since he is considering the need to move, it shows that he does. I'm really really hopeful that they will find a solid new pastor with great teaching...but I hear my hopes are not well founded considering the seminary candidates that they have to look at.
-I have gotten nothing done recently as far as exciting home projects go. Unless Parker's scrapbook counts. I'm really trying to hold my nose to the grindstone on that one and I have about 5 months to get it caught up. Finally gaining some momentum; I got to his first birthday!
-And that brings me to the fact that I guess I haven't mentioned on here that I am actually 18 weeks pregnant. Can I blame my lack of creative home accomplishments on that? I've been feeling pretty good for awhile now, but those first few months I was moving pretty slow. Even actually threw up a record of two times (it was none with Parker) apart from the food poisoning and flu times. But more energy and less nausea these days as long as I watch what I eat. Finally starting to look a little more pregnant but frustrated that a lot of the times I just look fat. I'm really paranoid about weight gain and body shape this time. I honestly think I'm doing all that I can and my doctor said that my weight was "perfect" but I am afraid of going back to square one when this one is born and having 50lbs. to loose again. No, I am not at this point wearing my size 8 jeans anymore. But I am still in the 10's (with a little help! more on that in a minute) and exercising everyday and trying to eat as smart as I can when I seem to have to eat almost every hour...Found a workout called "the perfect pregnancy workout" DVD that I've been doing. It's alright. Not very hard, but hopefully good for maintenance. One of the main things that I like is that I can do it everyday all the way through and not worry that I'm doing things I shouldn't. Apart from all that worry stuff, definitely enjoying this pregnancy better so far. For some reason I feel more qualified to be pregnant this time? Or maybe it seems more real? Not sure exactly, but I am somehow feeling more free to shop for maternity things, or enjoy feeling the baby move, or having people notice and not just feeling awkward. Can't explain that well...
-Ok, about the "help" I mentioned. This is my new love affair with proper undergarments. First I finally broke down and bought a $40 nursing bra. I never found one that I really liked with Parker, just bought a few cheap ones and tried to ignore the sagginess. But this time I was already hating all of my bras as I outgrew my "smaller me" ones and wasn't big enough for the "pregnant me" ones. So I ordered one that came highly recommended from "Mom's 4 Life" website (amazing site). And I LOVE it. I have never has a bra that fit so good: it evens me out, fits smoothly, doesn't feel like it needs to be pulled up all day, and is made in such a way that it will still fit even as "things" change and sizes fluctuate. So excited. Along with that I also ordered a "bella band" as I had heard them recommended before, but just had never tried it. They say that they can help all through and after pregnancy with clothes that just don't fit right by sucking in maternity pants that are a little too big, or holding tight regular pants that do everything but button well. And I am very much in that awkward between stage, so I thought I'd give it a shot. And I really like that as well. I'm back in my favorite jeans for awhile longer and also can wear my shorter shirts as this will cover the in between if need be. As I told Andrea "I felt so good that I put my heels on." It's amazing what a different a good foundation can make!
-And finally, potty training. Not a big fan. Definitely did not need to make my life harder, but really want to avoid two in diapers. I'll keep you posted. So far I'm doubting my timing.

So, that's about all I know right now. You're probably shaking your head at my excitement over bras and training pants but hey, your day may come when those sorts of things make a big difference in how your life goes as well. In the meantime, the weekend is only 20 minutes away from me!

Things that Make Me Mad

Hehe, ask me sometime about a funny story that starts with that line. :)
But in the meantime, an unfunny story:
There's been lots of drama at our church and consequently my job lately. Our executive council finally asked the pastor to resign and he did, but not happily. For "us" on the inside, we've seen it coming for a long time but apparently a large number of the congregation did not (need to get more involved in your church people!). So I've been getting phone messages that say how certain people are "shocked and grieved." Whatever.Delete. Answering machines are great in my line of work. They feel that the pastor must have been wronged and therefore they have been also because they haven't had a good explanation. They're right about that last part, there has not been a good explanation that has gone out, but it's largely because the explanation really doesn't look good on the pastor...I'm still not sure what the council is going to do about that, but back to the part that makes me mad. Two days ago one of those who feel "shocked and grieved" got a hold of the mass e-mail list that we use to send out prayer requests to the entire church (reason #1 to use blind copy) and proceeded to send out an "URGENT MESSAGE" to the church (yes she used caps lock several times) to say how this was all so wrong and "we" need to get the pastor back and all the stuff he's done for "our church," etc. Ok, so she has an opinion, that's fine. But she does not have all the facts. And she also does not have the right to use the Prayer Chain list for airing her personal opinion particularly because she does not even know how to change the subject line so this lovely epistle went out bearing the subject "Re: Praise Chain for LeRoy C." Poor LeRoy, he did not want his name attached to that. And finally, all of this "our church" junk? The regular attenders do not even know who this lady is, nobody's ever seen her in "our church." I happen to know her name because she's scheduled to be married here in a few months, but I don't know her face. I really want to erase her wedding from the calendar out of spite. :P

New Pictures

For some reason I kept forgetting to get the pictures from this last month off my camera. So, here are some updates finally.

If you look closely you can see him saying "Mama, get me off!" But apparently he warmed up to it because he still talks about that train ride with great fondness.


Wiki stick glasses.



Some pictures from my mom's wedding for any interested parties:




Loving the splash park. Even if it did only last 10 minutes before his diaper literally fell off.


4th of July with his good buddy, Wesley.



This is Parker and his first official trip to the Iowa State Campus. He was a fan of the water fountain.

My two year old calls me "Archibald."
Why? You may ask.
Veggie Tales.
At least he shows a good propensity for pretend because he also wants me to call him Junior (Asparagus).
He also saw a plunger and said "Superhero."
Yup, Larryboy.

Wait, I changed my mind. I don't want to be a parent.

I've been reading the book "Shepherding a Child's Heart," this week. Great book. I really like the author's approach to relationship with your kids, including discipline, authority, and communication. He stresses that he's looking for a biblical method to parenting and I feel that he's hit upon that, and it's much more balanced than say "Baby Wise." :P However, it leaves me feeling woefully inadequate and overwhelmed. So much so that I'm thinking, wait! I'm not cut out for this job, never mind I just won't be a parent. Fortunately, or unfortunately, it's too late for backing out. How am I ever going to remember everything? And do it right? Say the right things at the right time? And always be looking for opportunities to turn them back to the gospel? I mean, if I screw this up, it's people's lives on the line. I really can't take that much credit...ultimately it's up to them and God, but I am feeling a lot of pressure right now. And really praying that Mike will also read this book and we will be able to team up on this. He's not really much of a reader, but I'm hoping that God will get him into this one, because even more overwhelming that trying to parent the way I feel the Bible calls us to, is trying to do it alone. Or even just trying to pass on all that I'm learning while I'm also trying to learn it myself and put it in to practice. I did find a quote on a friend's blog, from another friend's blog, to be encouraging:
"God doesn’t call us to be comfortable. He calls us to trust Him so completely that we are unafraid to put ourselves in situations where we will be in trouble if He doesn’t come through." –Francis Chan
That's me in this position; in trouble if God doesn't come through. But He does promise to come through. The same proverb keeps coming back to me "If we call out for insight and cry aloud for understanding...then you will find the fear of the Lord and you will understand the knowledge of God."
This book hasn't been only frightening though, I've also found a bit of freedom from the unbiblical parenting goals that I am tempted towards. My most dangerous being the desire for well behaved children. Not that the author says this desire is wrong, it's just not big enough, and it leaves us susceptible to parenting and disciplining to please whomever is watching. That's a problem that I have. Particularly with my nephews who often appear to me to be the perfect children. So when I'm with them I find my self getting so frustrated with Parker because he doesn't toe the line like they do. Their parents don't put this pressure on me, I put it on myself, but it's just so hard to remember that Parker's different from those boys and I really don't want to teach him to behave to earn the approval of others but rather for the glory of God. The heart issue, that's what they say it really comes down to; what is going on in their heart, not the behavior. And we need to teach them to determine and deal with those issues and then we're really teaching them how to live.

Has my life gotten so boring that I can't even find anything to blog about? Surely not. But even after all this time of not posting, I still can't think of anything to write. Apart from a few funny things that Parker has said...so I guess I'll put those up , and maybe some pictures. I apologize for the lack of excitement, but I'm only even doing this because I can't find anything better to be doing.


This is Parker and his friend Wesley after swimming, nude, in the dog wading pool. They had fun.

These are also with Wesley and Eli, at the park on Memorial Day.




I've got some more shots from the 4th of July and stuff, so I'll put those up once I get my camera back from where it's lost.
So, one funny thing that Parker says a lot is whenever his diaper is uncomfortable he grimaces and says "somebody pinching you!" Guess we should work on his pronouns.
The other day he actually went potty in his potty, so when he got up and I showed it to him he pumped both fists in the air with a "woot!"
We also had the flu this week, Parker and I at the same time, which was kinda tricky. So we had a bucket and we laid on the couch and took turns using it. At one point, I went to throw up and came back to out Parker and he goes "You ok, Mom?" I said "Yeah, I'm alright." "You just need bucket to feel better?" "Yeah, Parker."

Anniversary

I know, it's been a long time. Sorry. And this post isn't even very exciting. Just thought I should probably say something since this weekend marks one year since I started this blog and my 52 week endeavor to loose weight. And so I am celebrating my own independence day from, well myself? I am 50lbs. lighter than I was last year at this time and so much more comfortable with my body. According to sizes, I have lost half of myself :) and that feels pretty good too. As well as hopefully just set in place some life long healthy eating habits. I know I've really been enjoying this summer so far, thinking "last year at this time, I looked like that..." :) Enjoying this freedom.

You never know what he's going to say...

Parker enjoys playing with the old coffee pots in the church kitchen. I heard him say today "What's in it?" and turn around to see him standing in it, and then he added "need my hat." :)

Sleep Training

To all those "experts" that say you have to let a baby "cry it out" or they'll never learn to put themselves to sleep, I offer Parker as exhibit A that they're wrong. To all those same or other experts that say never, never, never let your children sleep in your bed because they'll still be there when they're 5, I offer Parker as exhibit B that they're also wrong.
Anybody that I talk to much knows how Parker's lack of sleep has been a frustration for us since day one. We tried everything we could come up with, but he just didn't want to go to sleep or stay asleep very often. I even resorted to the "crying it out" option, because of guilt that I was spoiling him, even though it went against everything my heart said and made me cry too. I don't care about those "experts" that say that "they actually enjoy working themselves up to throwing up." I still regret that I let that happen as many as two times, before I finally gave up. Yes, until he was around 1 1/2 he was still being nursed to sleep and he was still sleeping part time in our bed and part on a mattress next to our bed. But you know what? When we were all ready to move on, it happened so easily. I was terrified of weaning particularly because Parker attached it to bed time. But we worked up to it, and there were never any tears on that account. Granted, we didn't do it till he was two, but that was kinda what I'd planned all along, and it was good for us. This week we have made the move to put Parker in his own room. This was delayed some because "his room" is all the way upstairs from us, and I just didn't relish the midnight trips up and downstairs, or the thought of him falling down the stairs in a sleepy stumble. But Monday we did move him; made it a big deal of sleeping in his own room and with his "Lightening McQueen" blanket. The first night he didn't come down once (once he went to sleep). A whole night of sleep for me; whoo hoo! That was way better than I expected though, so the next night with 4 or 5 trips upstairs for me was a little more up to speed. Last night though, he again stayed up there the entire night. I don't think this is the end of it, he is only two after all. There's still the getting to sleep struggle some nights, but that is age as much as anything. But I'm thrilled with the progress and the fact that he likes sleeping in his own room. He's not scared of being so far from us and in general he likes to sleep. He will tell me that he's tired or that he wants to take a nap. He's come to Mike a few times while I've been gone and told him it was bedtime. That to me says we did ok. That's not to say that the way we did these tricky aspects of "sleep training" are for everyone; every child is different and so is their family. But it is to say that the "experts" are not always right and don't create unnecessary regrets by doing things the way they say you have to if it's not right for your child. More often than not, things work out in time and they work out with so much less pain. Maybe more prayer, but less pain. :)

You are My Sunshine

On Fridays Parker always gets to play the drums and piano as I put the bulletins around the sanctuary. Usually he just pounds away with a bit grin on his face. Today however, he planned long before we got in there "Mom, I'm going to play "You my sunshine" on pan-o." Ok...and he does, the second verse of the Veggie Tales version however. He sits down at the piano and then carefully plays the keys and sings "God luv shunshine (God's love is sunshine.)." Then a little more uptempo playing and equally enthused singing of the same words. After that he decided to move on to the drums and actually had two sticks on two different drums, and was hitting the bass drum with the pedal as he sang "God luv shunshine, God luv shunshine. Today! Today! Evybody want to be a cat!" :) Quite the little concert.

And that's been the most interesting thing that's happened to me lately. I'm bored and restless about that. I really want to go somewhere, ideally Ames. But we're trying not to blow our gas budget so badly this month and so going to Ames with no good reason does not fit well with that plan. It's not that I'm bored because I've nothing to do; I'm bored because the things I have to do do not excite me. I guess I just want to be entertained or something. And I'm really wishing I lived somewhere that I could ride my bike to things to do and not have to drive everywhere. *Sigh* Don't know what I'm going to do this weekend now, but I really don't want to waste it in boredom and a bad mood. Accomplishing things would be nice, but I don't have any of the parts that I need to accomplish the projects that need doing and I've recently been informed that it will be too expensive to try to make a windowseat for my kitchen. *Sigh* In a funk.

Ok, I'll stop complaining now. Really, I should be spending more time pondering the lessons I've been gleaning from "Madame Blueberry" this week. We just got the soundtrack from that movie and so I've heard the songs several times and am impressed at just how much is in there. If you don't know the story; Madame Blueberry is always sad and depressed because she doesn't have enough stuff, or maybe just not the right stuff. She sings about how her things are not as nice as her neighbors things and she actually has pictures of her neighbors things around her house and she spends her time thinking about them and this makes her cry. Wow. Might seem extreme, but really, wasn't that just what I was doing? Working myself into a bad mood as I pondered the pictures in my head of the things I would like to have or be doing right now? Just because the pictures aren't framed and on my mantle doesn't make them any less dangerous. Madame goes on to learn that she will never have enough "things" to make her happy but instead she must learn to be content and the secret to being content is a "happy heart." She learns a simple little song to that end and it's just the sort that gets stuck in your head: "A thankful heart is a happy heart. I give thanks for what I have, that's an easy way to start. For a God that really cares, and he listens to our prayers. That's why we say thanks everyday." Simple but profound. And never fails to pull me up short when it rings in my head and reveals my discontented heart. In the words of Madame Blueberry "That's what I want; a happy heart! What aisle are the happy hearts in?"

The Circus

Yesterday, Parker and I had a fun afternoon of going to the circus and supper. Mike was in the field and no body else was able to go, so it was just him and I off for a little adventure. The anticipation was fun in and of itself; Parker was talking about seeing the elephants and tigers and saying hi to them. I'm not a huge circus fan, and it proved to be cheesy as circuses tend to be, but I think Parker enjoyed it. It was a long show, two hours almost, but he did a great job sitting still and watched it. We even got a close up of the elephants and ponies. After it was done we went to McDonald's for supper, poor kid had never been to sit down in McDonald's. He was very excited because there was a slide in the building and a clown on the high chair. I told him the clown's name was Ronald McDonald and he exclaimed "Old McDonald had a clown!" (he's very into clowns after a circus). We ate ketchup and french fries and played a bit and then made a trip to Wal-mart. It was a fun evening. Don't know if Parker will ever remember it, but I will. I'm glad my two year old is, at least generally, good company. :)

Various Things

-I rode my bike around both lakes for the first time this season last night. It was a bad choice of nice. Ubber windy. I few times I thought it was going to blow my wheels right out from under me. And with the cart on the back I had a lot of drag going on. So I headed into the wind at the start and the whole time I was thinking that it would be worth it because it would be so much easier on the second half. The only problem is that there was a storm front going through and by the time I got to the second half the wind has switched! So I was going into the wind the entire time. So hard at times that I had to get off and push because I could not pedal against it. Now that it's over, I'm grateful for the hard work. But gesh!
-Trying to decide about doing the Women's Bible study at camp this summer. It's another Beth Moore study, and I do enjoy those. And I know it will probably be good and challenging and help me keep my mind in the right place. But I'm always hesitant to commit my time to anything. And I don't have a good plan for what to do with Parker yet. So I told God that I would do it if He gave me a good solution for Parker. But the description came out for it today and it really didn't get me excited at all. So, hm...
-On the other hand I'm really enjoying my personal Bible Study. Reading through the Bible chronologically, but also studying the book "Having a Mary Spirit" by Joanna Weaver. She's got some good stuff. The point being that we have to stop trying to change ourselves and get ourselves out of the way so that Christ can do it. Also still memorizing the book for Proverbs. Started chapter 6 this month. They're really running together, but I love having so much in my head. So far to go though!
-My "mentee" with the KITA program and I have not been hooking up too well. She's busy with track, so we've not seen each other this month. I've contacted her a few times, but she doesn't seem to eager. That's rather discouraging, but I was introduced to another girl that was interested in having a mentor relationship. In the two times we've hung out I've been really impressed with her enthusiasm and eagerness to talk. Her family situation is interesting, so I'm just trying to listen for what God wants me to be saying and doing here. Hopefully it will go somewhere...
-Yesterday I went to visit my Grandpa again, and while there I asked him to tell me more about what he believes as a Christian Scientist. He seemed rather happy to have my interest. So he gave me some stuff to read and told me a bit about his background in it. I really don't know where this is going to go either. I was praying for Grandpa not so long ago and this is what God told me to do, to just ask him. I mean I'd love to turn him from the error of his ways and this religion that, from what I know so far, rather disturbs me. But this is the only step I know of so far, so we'll see I guess.
-Parker picks up on stuff so fast; little phrases from movies, lines from songs, things that I say. It's convicted me that I really need to work harder to fill this little mind with good things. I know part of it is "mommy guilt" that I could always do more. But also really I think I should give him some more focused teaching rather than letting him learn whatever. We've worked on Bible verses on and off, but I think it's time to do them a bit more.
-Ticks. I hate them. Makes my skin crawl just thinking about them. And I found 4 in 3 days!! Two on me!! Nasty!
There's probably more, but I'd better get back to working.

Throughly Chastised

After my emphatic post concerning the church retreat, I also had a conversation on the same topic and ended up being thoroughly chastised for being "offensive and belittling." I know my heart, and I know that it tends to be filled with pride and I also know the Bible verse that says "the heart is deceitful above all things, who can trust it?" So I decided to go the route of humility and assume that my accuser was completely correct in what was said. Not a pleasant feeling nor following days of self-reflection. I have before been convicted of an ugly attitude of "I could do it better" when it comes to this place that I live and this church. God says I'm supposed to love His church but it's coming really hard for me this time. Maybe I have come across as "offensive and belittling" to everyone and that is why I haven't made any friends in two years? Depressing thought. And yet I know my attitude is still far from right. So the conclusion so far is this: to pray for God to change my heart in this area, even though I have no desire in that direction, but I know it's right. And in the meantime, ascribe to the age old motherly advice "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything." Mouth Shut.

T.O.'d

This shouldn't make me so annoyed, but none the less I am and need to vent: So "our" church is planning their first ever All Church Retreat for later this summer. Since Mike and I have been on a lot of retreats and are generally for them, they asked if we would help plan it. Sure, I figured, it would give me some say into making it good. Mike wrote out a good starter schedule with ideas and presented it at a meeting Wednesday night. They liked it, except for two points that irk me. 1. They didn't like the idea of a "date night" for couples to have some time together. Now that certainly isn't a required part of the schedule, and since we do have single people in our church, I'm totally fine with not having one so as not to highlight that difference. However, I feel like the reason that "they" didn't want to have it was because there's this unspoken segregation that exists and any chance for male and female to work or study or interact together (even married) is discouraged. Everything here is "women's ministry" or "men's fellowship." We tried a Bible Study for couples once, no one came. Frustrating. 2. The second and bigger issue for me is that they decided to not bring in an outside speaker. For me a retreat is a block of time set aside for concentrated study of God, the Bible, and its directives for my life with a group of people also wanting to know God better and do life his way. "Fellowship" is nice, games are nice, "testimonys" are nice, but I want a focus, a chance to learn, to go into a depth that we can't do in 20 minutes on a Sunday morning. Like I said to Mike "what do these people have against depth??!!" They want to have people from within the church speak and share testimonys. I'm not denying that God could use that, and that there are some great people with good messages in this church, but I just feel like we're missing out on a chance to focus. And I feel like they're afraid or something of a real challenge that an "outsider" might bring. I guess mostly I'm just disappointed; I am so hungry for the "solid food" that Paul speaks of and I was hoping that this would be a chance that I could, along with this "church family" I'm supposed to be a part of, really get some meat. I connect best with others when we learn and grow together. What's the point of this retreat if it doesn't have , well, a point? I'm not sure I want to go anymore.

Weekend Plans

Going to a Bebo Norman concert tonight and excited for it. I'm not a big concert person, but I do really enjoy Bebo Norman's music and it's about as close as good concerts get around here, so I'm excited about that. Also it's fun to have something different to do than go to work or go to Fort Dodge for groceries. Not sure yet if I'm going with just Parker or not, but hopefully that will be ok. This weekend is the same story; going to a wedding and hoping that it will rain so that Mike will come. :D Except even rain is no guarantee because then he might need to be at camp. So we'll see. Mostly my plans are really up in the air. But I'm learning to do better with that. I'm also still waiting for black toner for my copier so that I can print the fifty-million things I need to be printing right now...and trying not to think of the yummy chex mix in the kitchen.

I know, it's been awhile again.

Oh well, maybe I don't need to blog as much because I finally have a real person to talk to in person, frequently. :D

I did have a few thoughts for today though. The first one being about learning the discipline of listening. I've been reading "Sacred Parenting" by Gary Thomas (have not read anything by this guy that isn't amazing). Rather than trying to tell you the "right" way to parent, he writes about all the ways he feels God has made him more Christlike through the divine tool of parenting. One of those things he has learned is how to really listen. Listen to his kids yes, but mostly to listen for God throughout his day, giving him insight and answers to questions he doesn't even know need asking. Kinda the little nudges that we can brush off as an idea not worth acting on, but that we should really pay attention to. So I've begun praying that God would help me listen and one of first things he told me was during a time when I way praying for Mike and this planting season. Can't say I'm a big fan of planting or harvest. A large part of that is how Mike is continually discouraged by working with his dad so much and that greatly affects his attitudes and actions when ever he might get to spend time with us. I've heard many times how a guy needs his wife to maintain their home as a sort of oasis for him; someplace he can count on being restful and peaceful when he comes home from the pressure of the working world. One of the first ways to do that is to not bombard him with all of your issues the minute he walks in the door. So anyway, thinking and praying about all this, and I feel like God really pointed out to me that the kind of oasis Mike needs, particularly this time of year, is one that is affirming and accepting and honoring. Not that he doesn't need that all of the time, but just that right now, that would make a really huge difference for us, if I would focus on that. Mike hasn't said such a thing,and I really wouldn't be surprised if he's really never even formed a complete thought on such a topic, but I'm pretty sure he also wouldn't turn the offer down. :) As I type this out, it feels very simplistic and silly; any reader is going, duh, you think that's something special God told you? But, I don't know...I guess what I liked was that I felt that I heard God be specific. I often get overwhelmed by how many thing I could improve on as a wife, and it was nice to have Him sort of go "here, focus on this. This is what he needs most right now." Yesterday, I was praying for mom quite a bit, and it occurred to me to send her flowers. My next thought, was "nah, silly, unnecessary." But I did it anyway, along with a verse that had jumped out at me. Later, Mom called to say that that was just perfect, verse and all. So, good...yeah...God promises that if we call out, cry aloud, and search for insight and understanding that He will give it. So, I'm counting on that.

I don't remember what else I was going to say...drat. Oh well, back to website stuff. Oh for taking on tasks that I know nothing about.

Two Funerals and Two Weddings

I know I haven't actually written in awhile. It's not that nothing's going on. Just nothing I can really write about here and sent out into that "cosmic nothing." Maybe someday.
In the meantime I am pondering the issue of two funerals and two weddings. Back in February we had a funeral for my Grandma, however there was so much snow that they couldn't bury her. So, they're scheduling another funeral for either April 24 or May 1. The problem with that is that I currently have weddings to go to on both of those dates. And on the 24th particularly, I don't want to miss it as it's a good friend from high school that I'd really like to reconnect with. As Mike said "it's hopefully her only wedding..." and then he paused as we both realized that is her only wedding but it would be Grandma's second funeral. Not to be insensitive, but...hahahahahah. That's a really funny problem. How often do you have that issue? So, still not sure what I'm going to do, but for the moment amused with the problem.

In my Bible Study this morning I was struck with the verses in Galatians 6 about "God cannot be mocked: a man reaps what he sows. He who sows to please the sinful nature will reap destruction, but he who sows to please the Spirit will reap eternal life..." My book asked, as I struggle against my sinful nature and sins that just keep tripping me up, who do I really want to win? I might say that I want to do what's right, but am I actually sowing to please the sinful nature? Of course my mind went first to living in a godly marriage and how, especially recently, we've seemed to be on a downward slope of division, irritability, and unkindness. Now I pray about it, and think about it, and worry about it, but what kinds of seeds am I sowing throughout my day. If I spend my day allowing negative thoughts, or reading books with unrealistically "romantic" marriages, or even using up all my energy so that I don't have any left at night, how can I expect to "reap" a pleasant evening of fellowship? I really appreciated that insight. Actually, my inner Quaker came out and I was wishing for some "open worship" time to share what I'd learned. :)

Belated Birthday

When uploading the Milo photos I found these from Parker's party at camp so I thought I'd share. This first one shows Parker pretty close to heaven; what more could a boy want?

The addition of Milo

All of a sudden we have a really big dog and a really little dog. They look really funny together. Keep in mind that Mike and I never really planned on having more than one dog. And neither one of us really like small dogs either. However here we are the proud new owners of Milo, a Jack Russell Terrier. I've had a weakness for that breed ever since "Wishbone" and Mike knew the dog and knew he was very well behaved and sans the annoying hyper-ness that is prevalent in little dogs. A lady that he works with needed to get rid of Milo, and we thought that maybe he'd be good company for Edelweiss and knew that Parker would enjoy having a dog more his size. And boy does he ever. Parker calls Milo "baby puppy" and gets worried when he gets out of sight. It's even more exciting to Parker that Milo gets to ride in the car and come in the house. He's a pretty excited little guy and everything that Milo does is hilarious. Milo for his part does well putting up with Parker but is still getting used to the loud and spastic actions.I don't think I'll mind have a dog in the house as he really does listen really well and cleans up all of Parker's messes. And he sleeps in the basement with Moses. Poor Moses; as if life in the basement could get any worse. :) Here's a few pictures.

Messed up

That's me. I don't have much else to say, because anything I say isn't going to be good. I'm just messed up, and praying for a reprieve soon. Not really sure what I can do to help it. Or at least the options aren't attractive.
One thing I do know though: I don't like the "new" voice of Mr. Whittaker. Why do they keep having to change it?

Busy Week

Lots to do this week getting ready for a sort of family "retreat" at camp this weekend. All my brothers and family, and Mom and Andrea are coming to stay, Friday through Sunday. I'm looking forward to some fun; they're pretty crazy when they all get together. But first there is the packing and cooking of food. We're doing some meals and buying some, so I'm on for tonight with crock pot lasagna. It wouldn't be that big of deal if I didn't have to work these last three days, and if I had stayed home and did stuff instead of going to a friend's house until late. :) But it was worth it; it wasn't so long ago that I didn't have that option. So the work can wait! And that led me to decide to just leave church early today and go home and do stuff; so really it's a double bonus.
We're having another birthday party for Parker there too (did I already say that?) and so I'm getting stuff together for that. And even made and decorated a "Curious George" cake for him. Not sure if I will post a picture of it or not...I'm not terribly proud of it. Why didn't I let Mike decorate it? He's the artist. I was almost in tears at one point, but as Andrea said I "pushed through" and it turned out at least recognizable. Parker had a big grin when he saw it so that is what counts. Although my brothers will probably laugh at it. :P Parker is of course excited and asks me several times a day if he can have birthday cake yet. And he can't wait for Nolen and Gabe to come. At least I'm not the only excited one. :)

A dithering creature

It's been awhile since I posted again. I just don't get online much when I'm at home. Too many other things to be doing. Been rather busy so far this week. Planning a retreat of sorts with my family this weekend at camp so I've been shopping for that and the included b-day party for Parker, had to travel to Clarion for a party with the great-parents, had company for supper Monday night, and then last night also last minute although they brought their own food. In the midst of that trying to keep up exercising and a regular bedtime for Parker. I had all of these clever insights to write this morning right after I drank my coffee, but they have since faded. Oh well, must not have been that insightful.
Oh, I do remember one of the thoughts though: For the most part I don't complain about being female, because well, it's kinda like the weather, what am I going to do about it? But one thing that annoys me is that when I'm in a bad mood and everything seems bad I can't really know. Is it PMS? Am I pregnant? Have I just not had enough caffeine today? Or do I really have an issue? It gets frustrating really. I mean I know "the heart is deceitful above all things. Who can trust it?" So there's that too. It just makes myself rather hard to live with. :P I tend to do better with my moods if I know what the real cause is; then it can be dealt with and I can move on. Otherwise, it might just PMS but not being able to determine that I blame it on my poor husband and create an issue. It's just messy. Along those lines, I read this great stuff from Lewis this morning in my devotional: "Faith...is the art of holding on to things your reason has once accepted, in spite of your changing moods...unless you teach your moods "where to get off," you can never be either a sound Christian or even a sound atheist, but just a creature dithering to and fro, with its beliefs really depending on the weather and the state of its digestion."

Happy Birthday to Parker

#2 is more fun than #1 I think, because Parker is way into his birthday this year. He's been talking about his Curious George "plates, napkins, balloons" and singing "happy to you Parker" for awhile now. He gets really excited and waves his arms whenever there's a new gift to open. This morning at work we had a few of Parker's friends and adopted grandparents come for cupcakes and coffee. That was pretty fun. I just enjoyed watching how many people love him and was glad that he gave them hugs and nicely said "'nanks a coming!" Next weekend we're having a "big" party at camp with cousins and aunts and uncles and grandpa and grandma. And Wesley; Parker specifically requested "Wesley come to party." Hard to refuse that. We're really keeping it pretty simple because it doesn't take much to delight him and mostly he just likes being the center of attention. And eating "birthday cakes." I cheated though and made him banana cupcakes that are actually pretty healthy and then doused them in cream cheese frosting; so I don't mind if he eats a few in a day. :) Here's some pictures of the birthday boy:

I just had this conversation with Parker after he brought me a toy raccoon that he found that another little boy had forgotten (keep in mind that he's not yet even 2):
"Mama, 'dis, pitty."
"Oh, is that Jack's raccoon?"
"Pitty hand."
"Yeah, I think Jack must have left that here."
"I don't think so, mama. Parker hold it."
"You want to play with it? You can play with it now, but we need to take it to Jack later."
" I don't think so."
"Yes, we need to take it back to Jack, or he will be sad."
"No sad, Jack."
"Right, so we need to take him back his toy."
"I don't think so. Parker take it."
"No, you play with it now and we'll take it back to Jack later."
"I don't think so, Mama. "

I don't know where that "I don't think so" came from, but he says it all the time now. He amazes me with his ability to express what he's really thinking. And he's already exhibiting selfishness. :P

The guy at the funeral home was right,

February is a really long month. We started it with chicken pox. Then Grandma getting sicker and finally dying. Then Parker gets the flu. Then I get the flu. Now it appears that Parker has that RSV virus, which looks like a really bad cold and cough that keeps us both up all night. Sprinkle that with a few good snow storms that cancel plans and make travel difficult. Phew. I'm not really trying to complain here, just kinda overwhelmed. And Mike's been super busy at work and with church stuff and so I'm kinda getting to the end of my rope with parenting day and night. Like I told Christy, it's even harder with the fact that I can't stomach coffee since having the flu and so I can't count on that pick-me-up! One of the rules for finding contentment in life is to never wish you were somewhere else. As I was doubled over the toilet puking my guts out, I wondered if that still applied?
On the positive side, I did loose 5lbs. via puking and last night when I weighed on the Wii it said "that's normal" for my BMI for the first time ever! That was kinda exciting. Being sick appears to have gotten me past that plateau that I'd been at for the last two months. Just as long as I can stick my landing! (comes of watching the Olympics at 2 a.m. this morning!) Also, Parker has made great strides in bedtime routines. So much so that last night he put himself to bed! He disappeared while I was exercising and when I went to find him he was snoring away in his bed with the blanket pulled up over him. That's a far cry from the 3 hour nurse/cry/nurse issues we used to have every night. I thank God for this blessing every night. So much for those experts that say that they'll never learn to put themselves to sleep if you don't let them "cry it out." Not only does he know how to put himself to sleep, he also likes to sleep, and begs for nap time. :) I'll enjoy that while it lasts.
Also looking forward to company coming this weekend. The very good, Bible reading, coffee drinking, deep conversation kind of company that I've been needing. So excited. Just hoping Parker gets to feeling better so that we can enjoy it.

Leg Shaving and the Law of Moses

So, I was thinking the other day, my legs grow hair at an astonishing pace because God made them to. So that hair must have a purpose then musn't it? So then is it unwise for me to shave it off? Is it only vanity and conforming to the social norm? Yes, I find it gross to not shave, but that is largely due to the culture I've been raised in. I certainly wouldn't say it is sinful to shave because I don't know of anywhere that God specifically states that you should not. Perhaps if I were doing it with a rebellious heart it would be; that being after I had had a directive from God that I should not shave and did it anyway. What if my husband did not want me to shave but I did? That would be not submitting and so most likely indicative of a heart issue that was sinful so therefore shaving in that instance would be sinful. But I'm not in that scenario either, I'm just wondering. Because it has to be there for some reason and I don't want to be unwise. But maybe leg hair is a result of the fall and therefore no longer serving it's created purpose and therefore can and should be removed? I just don't know. "'tis a puzzlement!"

The week in review:

I've been struggling with bordem this week. Not so much that I have nothing to do, but that I'm bored with what I do have to do. This presents two problems: 1. I eat when I'm bored and 2. I get emotional and start blowing up those balloons to throw a pity party for lack of anything better to do. So I've been fighting off those two extremes with varying degrees of success.

My appetite has been crazy; I've been wanting to eat everything I shouldn't and constantly. It didn't help that I made an amazing pan of brownies on Monday with the plan of taking them to a friend on Tuesday and then I didn't go so those evil things stayed in my house. Warm, with a little peppermint ice cream....But even sunflower seeds, I just keep eating. One thing that contributes to this is that I've been trying to cut back on my 3 a day coffee habit so I have a caffeine-deficit and am trying to fill that hole with food. If I were wise and disciplined I would be doing that with fiber and vitamin filled fruits and vegetables, right? Nope, cheez-its would be where I head in the afternoon. :P Another thing that I was pondering today was that I haven't had any meat for about the last week; the same amount of time that I've really been feeling just hungry all the time. Last night I had some chicken for supper and this morning I was just fine. Ate my oatmeal for breakfast and made it through to lunch without being ravenous. Interesting,no? Could it be that I am in reality craving meat and the nutrients there-in and finally having some could have that far reaching of affects? It's worth keeping in mind, I think.

As for the emotionalism, I think and pray that I have avoided attending the party. At least I don't think I've bitten my husband's head off. And he has greatly improved my outlook by booking us a Valentine's Day get away to Ames and the Gateway hotel. Wasn't that sweet? I had told him that he didn't have to do anything, and really meant it. I've been focusing on how he does loving things all year, like shovel the snow and take out the garbage. But he certainly went over and above with this, and I really appreciate it, because I need a change of scenery. And it shows that he knows what I like which is the part that really counts. Now if only the weather will cooperate to get us down there...

Dairy Queen in the morning

I'd been hankering for a blizzard; maybe something suggested by the weather or something. At any rate, Parker and I are kinda bored since all of our plans for the weekend have been canceled due to the chicken pox. So we were at Dairy Queen by 10:30 this morning and it was fun. Parker was delighted with his "ice cream star" (dilly bar) and we spent a nice half hour as the only people in the restaurant, probably because they'd only been open for 30 minutes. :D

This is a real dilemma: I'm hungry for Panera. A good bowl of black bean soup, hunk of french bread, and a hazelnut coffee. However the closest Panera I know of is in Ames and if I'm going to go to Ames, then I've got to eat at the Cafe. It appears that the only real solution would be to spend the entire weekend in Ames and then I would be able to enjoy both places to my stomach's content. :D Not that my life is centered on my stomach...:P

Exploring the Pox

Parker has the chicken pox; no big deal, I consider it a rite of childhood and they really don't seem to bother him too much. He's been sleeping great and other than me noticing him itching a little more, he hasn't acted sick at all. I'm keeping him in turtleneck onesies so that he has as little access to scratch them as possible. So far so good. For some reason though, as I watch them spread they make me more and more nauseous. Some about little blistered dots all over my son's body really grosses me out. It's even worse when I spread lotion on him, trying to keep the itchiness down, and I have to feel them....eeeeeeewwwww. I told Mike that he might have to take over. Because he keeps getting more and more, all over the place; literally, all-over. Poor tyke. I feel bad: I can handle poop on my window seat and vomit all over myself, but for some reason, these little bumps really get to me. Guess I really am a texture person. Sorry, Parker.

Measuring

It's been awhile since I've updated on my measuring, weight, and been completely open about my eating habits. So I'll lay it all out. They're rather pathetic. Eating habits that is; I feel like I've lost all of my self-control. Granted, I'm cooking pretty good dishes and I am still eating way less than I was when I started this journey; but I'm also eating more than I know I need to because it's more than I was eating when I was at my best. In the mornings, I start out great, eating my cereal and usually making it to lunch with out too much snacking, and if I do snack it's healthy and good portion size. After lunch it all goes down hill. I've been trying to knock off some of my caffeine intake, so I cut out one of my two morning cups of coffee. By 1p.m. I am therefore really sleepy and there's a coffee drink mix that I have that I really like, so I usually give in. Something about a cup of that and a good book, curled up on these chilly days....so nice. So, then I sometimes have two cups! And then I get hungry and eat all the wrong things, either too many cookies or cookie dough, or sample Parker's cheez-its or just eat too much of good things. Typically I can eat well for supper but if I'm hungry again before bed I sometimes give in to another cookie! I'm quite disgusted in myself. No self-control! What happened to no dessert, let alone two desserts in one day. I know that if I could get off of the sugar train I'd feel better and be able to avoid more sugar, but it's the getting off that's hard. I've tried going back to tracking everything I eat again, but I've really gotten off of the habit and can't seem to do it more than two or three days in a row. And I only had 5lb. to go! Well, I did have...this last month I gained 2lb. rather than lost any. :( I did still lose fractions of inches everywhere but my legs...but I'm afraid I also lost my sense of accomplishment and confidence. I'm really afraid that it's only going to be back downhill again. So much so that I have found myself already expecting my pants to not fit; now that's what gives me a bit of a reality check. For one thing, the body can fluctuate as much as 2lb. in one day, no matter what I do or don't do. So maybe rather than really gaining this last month, I just didn't loose. And Mike also pointed out again, last night when I was lamenting to him, that I really do put on muscle pretty easily, and I'm not built to be a small person, so maybe I'm working against my very genetics. And when I said my self-control was gone he scoffed at me because he thinks the things I put myself through in the name of discipline are ridiculous. So I appreciated his "support" in the form of thinking my worries are unfounded. The other thing is that I am still exercising; actually maybe more than I set out to in my three hard workouts a week. I always set out to do a "just be active" session, but it ends up being a full hour sweat session, so I guess that's good. The moral of this story is that I had a bad last month in feeling guilty about all I've eaten. But, in reality I maybe didn't go backwards, just didn't gain any ground. And I need to not let my guilt pull me into old bad habits by making me think that I haven't really changed. Even if I am getting near the ideal weight for my body type, it seems to me that I should be able to still loose 5lb., I mean I can certainly find plenty of jiggle that I think should go. :P But I can't drown in my guilt, instead I need to keep making small steps. So here I go, baby steps again. Thank you for listening to my self-coaching session. :)

Vegging

Last night I had that tasty looking stir-fry that was filled with lots of vegetables, chicken and not too many calories or fat; and I felt nasty all evening. It's really making me think that I should avoid meat; not that I have anything against it, I just don't feel good when I eat it. All day today I avoided the meat and tonight's special was Sweet Potato Barley Salad. It was pretty darn good, particularly accompanied with some delightful ww biscuits made with greek yogurt. And I feel fine. Satisfied, full, and not nauseous. Not sure why...but whatever, I might just keep on with this experiment for awhile.
Apparently taking pictures of what you cook is addictive because I just couldn't help myself tonight, it looked to pretty with all of those bright colors. :) I'll include the recipe below.



1c. cooked barley
1c. cooked edamame (removed from shell)
1 large sweet potato (cooked and cubed)
1c. fresh baby spinach
1c. raisins
2 medium carrots, shredded
1/2 c. thing red onion wedges
Layer a bit of each together on a plate (makes about 8 side-dish servings).
For dressing mix 1/3c. olive oil, 1/4c. balsamic vinegar, 1 t. garlic salt, and black pepper to taste. Drizzle over salad. I liked eating it with the potato and barley still a bit warm, or you can eat it all cold. It's an odd combination, but oh so good, maybe just because it's such a novelty.

Oh, and the mexican cheese dip that I made earlier today turned out ok, but didn't have much flavor. I added some more seasonings and am letting them blend overnight to see what happens.

Breakfast Cookies

I found this recipe online while looking for a high protein/low cal baked good to mix up and take on my travels. It boasts a whopping 33g. protein with only 216 calories. Honker. I'll give the recipe first and then offer my additions, because you know I can't make a recipe as written. :P
1c. ww flour
3 c. quick oats
1t. baking powder
1t. salt
1t. allspice
1t. ginger
1t. cinnamon
1t. vanilla
1t. ginger
1T. orange peel
2 eggs
7T. canola oil
1 1/2 c. unsweetened applesauce
3/4 c. brown sugar
3/4 c. slivered almonds
1/2 c. sunflower seeds (unsalted)
1 c. craisins

Ok, so I've never made these as written; the first thing I did was dropped all of the brown sugar and instead put in 12 packets of Truvia (I really wish I could find that stuff in bulk instead of the little packets), you could mix that up however you wish. They don't turn out terrible sweet, but good enough and I save 33 calories per cookie that way. I've also never used that many craisins; the first time I used all raisins and this time I used 1/4 and 3/4 respectively. Going with all raisins gives you more natural sugar since the raisins aren't sweetened. This time I also added 2 T. of ground flax meal; this adds omega-3s and a little protein. A few calories too, but I consider it worth it. Apparently you can use flax meal instead of eggs, but I haven't tired that yet. All of the seasonings are key, because they give you your flavor. The consistency is a little, mmm, dense, but not bad. The recipe did not come with cooking time or temps so I do 375 for 14 minutes. Would like to get them a little crisper, but this works ok. Also, the recipe says that it makes 20 cookies; I usually end up with more like 45 so do that math and the 33g. protein would be in the bigger cookies (15 g. is still pretty good...) Obviously, there's lots of adjustments you can make or other things you can add to taste. I was thinking that a little dark chocolate would be good in them and maybe some coconut. So if you just looking for protein and not so much worried about the calories, then try it out. As I've done it so far, they're pretty good, can fill my cookie desires in a pinch, and really do well for a mid-morning snack when your cereal just doesn't quite stretch to lunch time. And why, you may ask, do I keep cooking all of this stuff when I'm supposed to be on a diet? Uh...it's an addiction I'm afraid, I love to cook! That's why I'm trying to focus it healthy at least....:)

Cooking

I had a very enjoyable grocery shopping trip yesterday and am pleased with the fact that my fridge and pantry are now filled with all sorts of tasty ingredients with which to make several tasty new recipes. I'm also very pleased with the way my tastes have finally matured a bit and I'm willing to try more interesting recipes. Tonight it was Chicken-Chili Stir Fry complete with bean sprouts and peanuts. Looks good doesn't it?


It turned out just like the picture and the textures were great. The flavor wasn't amazing; not bad, just not amazing. Nice and low cal though and filling. I don't know if I'll make it again or not.But at the very least it is something that I never would've even considered trying before.
My next experiment is a barley-corn-spinach-edamame salad. I am again hopeful. It looks great and is filled with all sorts of fresh and lite things. And no meat; I am certainly not against meat, but more and more my stomach is happier if there's not meat involved and recipes that are vegetarian appeal to me. I've not done it on purpose, but that's where my tastes are heading. For instance, I've been really hungry for a good black bean soup like they have at Panera. Anybody got a good recipe? Oh, I'm also making "yogurt cheese" tonight that will be made into a Mexican cheese dip tomorrow. I'll let you know how that goes. I also picked up some greek yogurt yesterday. They've finally started selling some that isn't organic so it's a little cheaper. It's good stuff, mostly just because it's got 22g. of protein in 8 oz. That's a lot. And it's a good sour cream replacer if you ask me. That and I just feel cool and sophisticated eating something that has the word "greek" in it. :D

Gee, I have a good looking little brother...

These pictures are all the property of KDB Photography, but I just liked them so much I wanted to show them off. :)

The Recipe for Contentment

Contentment is really something I struggle with; maybe not as much that I worry about things as I am not satisfied with what I have. I recently came to the humbling realization that I face a lot of things in my life with the attitude "I could do better." In ever sense of the phrase, that's way messed up and damaging. So, as I'm revamping that thought pattern, I'm looking into contentment and how to live in it. I don't know if this is a common struggle, or if I'm just a messed up perfectionist, but at any rate I wanted to share what I found in this book I just started called "Calm My Anxious Heart" by Linda Dillow. When I'm looking for how I should approach life I like it to be spelled out for me in step by step guidelines. I know that there are inherent dangers to this approach, but it's still what I look for, and in the first few pages of this book the author quoted another woman as to the recipe for contentment, as follows:
~Never allow yourself to complain about anything-not even the weather.
~Never picture yourself in any other circumstances or someplace else.
~Never compare your lot with another's.
~Never allow yourself to wish this or that had been otherwise.
~Never dwell on tomorrow-remember that it is God's, not ours.
It's a tall order, and I'm pretty sure I fail about every hour. :P But something I'm going to be dwelling on these next few days. One part of it that really gets me is that every single part of this recipe is a choice that I can make; nothing is left dependent on what others might do or what circumstances might change it is all up to me being in control of my emotions and choices. I like to be in control. :) It also made me recall what I was just reading in "Screwtape" concerning how God wants us to live in the present and Satan finds us most useful when we focus on the future (see quote on upper right side). Also, Lewis (Screwtape) writes, "nearly all vices are rooted in the future. Gratitude looks to the past and love to the present; fear, avarice, lust, and ambition look ahead." Fascinating and humbling.

"If you look for it as for silver..."

Once again I have been brought to a halt with the not so novel idea that the Bible is true!
Awhile back I set out to memorize the book of Proverbs; a daunting task but one I am told is doable. I've been taking it slower than I first intended to and have only made it midway through the second chapter so far. But the really great part about memorizing scripture is that it is continually brought to mind and you can see how it applies in whole new scenarios than you might normally. For instance, this morning I was pondering all of the great books I've been reading lately and how there seems to be insightful wisdom on every page (even the fiction books) and how everything fits together so nicely to add up to the way to live joyful and contentedly no matter your circumstances, struggles, or marriage. "The Screwtape Letters" has given me some new perspective on how my seemingly "little sins" are really open doors for Satan to do his best work, say me having a generally critical attitude that of course spills onto everything my husband does or doesn't do. "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands" explains just how detrimental that constant criticism is to a man and husband and marriage and what a difference it can be if I just stop complaining. "Calm My Anxious Heart" says that one element in the recipe for contentment is to "never allow yourself to complain about anything..." That would include about or to my husband. And complaining and criticism would be some of those "small sins" that I again learned about in "Screwtape." As I was sitting in wonder of these any many other themes that were emerging from my books lately I also recalled "If you call out for insight and cry aloud for understanding...then you will understand the fear of the Lord and you will find the knowledge of God...then you will know what is right and just and fair, every good path..." (all from Proverbs 2). Crazy! Not really, just to my finite little mind. :)

Size 8

:D
It hasn't really been my goal, but it is a nice place to reach. In fact, pretty sure I've never been here before. Maybe on the verge, but never actually bought a size 8 before. It's a nice feeling. And I'm going to enjoy it while it lasts. Still haven't budged those last 6lbs. that will hopefully make it a solid 8 rather than some 8's work and some are still disgusting. :) But 10's are definitely too big. It's also a good feeling because I had ice cream this weekend, twice...in one day. :P Not a good idea but my self control has been very low lately. So I enjoyed it and today I start over! Pondering the timing of new babies the last few weeks. And wondering how willing I am to give up this new 8. I'd rather like to enjoy it awhile, because honestly, I may never see it again. Even if I do manage the next pregnancy smarter, there might be things beyond my control, like the spreading of hips. :P So, that's holding me back but I realize that that's pure selfishness so I've been praying for a little more nudge of the Holy Spirit if I need to be getting on this and off of my vanity.

On being in love and other ineresting insights from Hell.

I am newly enthralled with the book "The Screwtape Letters" by C.S. Lewis. I read it early in college and liked it, but struggled to get through it. This time I'm first listening to the dramatized version by Focus on the Family and then am so intrigued by what I hear have to go to the book and read it over. I'm not sure whether it's my different place in life, a new depth of understanding, or that hearing and reading rather than just reading makes such a big difference, but I have this book thoroughly marked up now. Couldn't even settle on just one quote for the bulletin.
Yesterday I read the "letter" concerning love and marriage. From this demon's point of view they have been very clever in taking God's institution (marriage)and thwarting it by convincing us humans that the only valid reason for getting married is if one "feels" "in love." It really reminded me of a conversation I had not too long ago with a friend that is with this guy that meets all of her requirements but there is no "chemistry" and so she's not sure if she should take the relationship any further. Thankfully she's also smart so she's not going to give up a good thing yet, but still, she's wanting to feel "in love" in order to justify being in this relationship. I'm not saying this isn't normal,or that I wouldn't feel the same way, but rather that maybe those demons have been working things well. Consider this: "persuading the humans that...'being in love' is the only respectable ground for marriage; that marriage can, and out to, render this excitement permanent; and that a marriage which does not do so is no longer binding." Doesn't this sound just about what the typical mindset is these days? Even in most Christian circles? Sure most Christians are also aware of all the other aspects of love and marriage, and hopefully are well taught that feelings come and go but the covenant that they made before God is what matters. And, by God's graciousness, "being in love" usually does come with or lead into marriage, but it's not the only element to consider. I liked this insight as well: "the idea of marrying with any other motive (than being in love) seems to them low and cynical...They regard the intention of loyalty to a partnership for mutual help, for the preservation of chastity, and for the transmission of life, as something lower than a storm of emotion." Wow, that made me step back. I've never heard marriage described in just those terms. Certainly not the top three things I was consciously considering when I considered getting married. It would seem that we all have things a bit backwards doesn't it?

Reminiscing

Last night I was doing some cleaning out of the tubs of stuff that I moved here from my mom's place at least a year ago. I'm really not a hoarder, but I do like to keep those little memory laden tidbits from the years gone by. I had two tubs filled with such things and I thought maybe enough years had passed that I would be less attached to some of them. Unfortunately, no. Instead I just spent a good couple of hours reminiscing as I looked through old pictures, ticket stubs, notebooks, and quote lists. I found the "point" game sheet that we used to tack up on the inside of our dorm "pantry," and I found old letters from high school when the things that got us excited were so much simpler. There were lots and lots of notes and old tests from college classes I took and I realized how much I have forgotten already. Papers I had written for various classes; wow, I miss writing, I wasn't too bad at it. :) And tons of odds and ends from trips I've taken and places I've lived. Two conclusions I came to: 1. I am never going to get caught up on all of the scrapbooking I need to be doing. 2. I should maybe just die now, I've already lived a very full life and I'm not sure I could manage much more!

Kids say the darndest things...

Parker's been saying a lot lately. Or maybe just stringing more words together? Either way, it's been funny so I thought I'd share a few here:
-While I was on a stool taking down decorations, "Careful, mama, no fall!"
-While changing my clothes and Parker watched from the bed with a pair of toy binoculars, "Taking pictures!"
-After throwing a ball in the house, which is against the rules, we had this conversation, "Parker, don't through balls inside the house, you know that rule."
"Get a spanken'."
"No, this time I'm just going to give you a warning, in case you had forgotten, but next time you will get a spanking."
(Holding his hand out to be slapped) "Hand."
"No, I'm not going to slap your hand either, this time is your warning."
"Sit chair." (asking for a time out apparently)
Wow, that kid really wanted to be disciplined.
-Mike, "Parker can you say, Go Cyclones?"
Parker, "Go Cyclones.(thoughtful pause) Go potty."