"One who wants friends must show himself friendly."

Why is that so hard for me? When did I become so reclusive and so uninteresting that I can't even hold a conversation? The "mom's group" was meeting at church today and I didn't go join them because I needed to get my work done while I had the babysitters there. I probably could've joined them, they asked me too, and I ended up having time...but well, I guess I just don't know how anymore. Or don't have the desire to put the effort forth. I've got to put so much work into just making life go by that I don't have the energy left to make it pleasant. That's not right, Parker and I have a pretty good time, find things to do to amuse ourselves. I guess I just don't have any energy left to pursue other relationships. Nor do I remember how. All I really have to talk about is babies; I suppose this would be a good group to talk about that with but I feel like they're already busy enough too and they've already got lots of friends established. I want somebody that needs me. Beyond that, I also have had my former trust of people chipped away. Way back last year with that whole DHS mess, that started it; I am not longer so open or transparent. Just yesterday I questioned someone I had thought was of a similar mind as me about a rash that Parker has. She more or less overracted and ended up having her husband call later that night to see what the doctor said ( I didn't take him to the doctor.). It wasn't any big deal but it brought that familiar twinge of fear of judgement or something. And I withdrew a little farther. Parker's fine, he just has exzema from too much dairy I think. That is all, we're dealing with it fine. Oh well, no solutions, just thinking.