Kansas City, Kansas City here I come...er, here I am?

We're down in the big KC. Hanging out with Amy, Caleb, and Keith, kinda just like the old days. By we, I mean Parker and I. Mike couldn't make it which is sad. I feel kinda bad that he has to work while I get to play and spend money. It's hot down here, way hot. Not sure what I'm doing in MO in the end of June? This morning we went to a great farmer's market. I wish I were closer to it so that I could've bought more. The peaches were amazing! It was one of those markets that you see on the travel shows, big, several rows, lots of people, lots of varied things, spices and foreign foods. Parker liked it too, he didn't make a peep the entire time. I was wishing for one of those big market baskets and me in a cute little skirt buying fresh produce for lunch on my patio. *Sigh* As it was I bought a new houseplant to kill. Yes, you heard me right...I don't mean to kill them, but it happens, never fails. So, well we'll give this one a shot. Now I'm sitting on the couch listening to Keith read off Mitch Hedberg (sp?) jokes. And watching a music video about "business time." Funny. Oh, battery dying. Later.

"One who wants friends must show himself friendly."

Why is that so hard for me? When did I become so reclusive and so uninteresting that I can't even hold a conversation? The "mom's group" was meeting at church today and I didn't go join them because I needed to get my work done while I had the babysitters there. I probably could've joined them, they asked me too, and I ended up having time...but well, I guess I just don't know how anymore. Or don't have the desire to put the effort forth. I've got to put so much work into just making life go by that I don't have the energy left to make it pleasant. That's not right, Parker and I have a pretty good time, find things to do to amuse ourselves. I guess I just don't have any energy left to pursue other relationships. Nor do I remember how. All I really have to talk about is babies; I suppose this would be a good group to talk about that with but I feel like they're already busy enough too and they've already got lots of friends established. I want somebody that needs me. Beyond that, I also have had my former trust of people chipped away. Way back last year with that whole DHS mess, that started it; I am not longer so open or transparent. Just yesterday I questioned someone I had thought was of a similar mind as me about a rash that Parker has. She more or less overracted and ended up having her husband call later that night to see what the doctor said ( I didn't take him to the doctor.). It wasn't any big deal but it brought that familiar twinge of fear of judgement or something. And I withdrew a little farther. Parker's fine, he just has exzema from too much dairy I think. That is all, we're dealing with it fine. Oh well, no solutions, just thinking.

Another Week Flying By

So, this week is going quickly too, not quite as fast or productive as last week, but still fun. This week we have a friend and her little girl here who is almost the same age as Parker. We've been having fun watching them interact. I'm not sure what Parker's going to do when he doesn' t have a built in playmate anymore. Yesterday it was FINALLY warm enough to get out his little wading pool to play in. We put his little slide over the edge and they had a great time. Despite the really cold water Parker went round and round, down the slide out of the pool and back up on the slide as fast as he could. He was so excited. It was fun to watch.

"You have not because you ask not."

Yesterday on the way to Fort Dodge I got to listen to an episode of Family Life Today about prayer. It really couldn't have come at a better time because I recently have had a worry that I wanted to pray about for someone else, I found myself stopping to question, how do I pray for this? You see, I've kinda gotten in this mindset that I shouldn't say "God please make them all better" because what if that isn't what God want's to do? I feel like I should pray "your will be done" even when what I really want is for Him to make it all better. So I usually end up saying the words I feel like I should, as the radio program put it "the theologically correct prayer" and then asking God to also "be with them no matter what happens." This radio program was saying that this a very common mindset, but that doesn't make it biblical. Rather Jesus said "you have not because you ask not, " and the speaker was saying that we need to actually ask God for what is really on our hearts. He said that we don't because we are afraid that we might beg God for something and then he could still say no. At least if we pray the other way and he says no we have the security of knowing that we prayed "the theologically correct" prayer. How silly is that? But it's true, I know that's how I work. He used the example of if we wanted to ask a friend for something and the friend knew it and knew what we wanted, but just wanted us to request it, but we wouldn't because we wanted to be polite. That friend would think us very strange. I've had that experience, I think "stop standing on ceremony, just come out and say what you want and I'd be happy to grant your desire." Or if I can' t it at least brings us that tiny bit closer because I know what they really want. I thought too, how silly is it of me to pray "please be with these people," duh, He is, he's already promised that. So I tried it last night, as I was praying I asked God for what I really wanted, that he'd just make it all better. And you know what? It's humbling to beg God. It really made me feel like a little child asking my daddy to fix it. And I now feel more secure with Him saying yes or no because I came that little bit closer to His heart and trusted him with a little bit more of mine. That's what the guy on the radio said too, that he's begged God for things and had God say no (not like for a new tv, but for things like the life of his friend), but something about giving God your heart in that way, because he already knows it, opens you up to also being comforted by him in a closer way if He tells you no for now.

A New Post

Geesh, sorry to those who don't think I write often enough. Just so happens I've been busy. My little sister is staying with us this week, since last Sunday. So I can get things done for a change as she entertains the baby. It's been nice. We've been bike riding and going to the library, and napping, and last night, finally getting to my loft project. I want to turn my college loft into a loft for Parker's room. I didn't think it'd be too hard, just hard to get to with a baby in tow. So last night we three got it cut down to size and reassembled. Now I need to stain it. And then I want to turn the rest of the pieces into bookselves. As I so insightfully stated to Mike, "it's easier to turn a big loft into a short loft than it is to turn a big loft into a bookshelf." Aren't I deep? My reasons for doing all this re-building rather than just buying new are threefold: 1. this was my college loft and has a lot of good memories swirling around it. 2. it was one of the last things my dad made for me and I want to keep it (it was kinda nostalgic taking out the screws last night that I know he put in.). 3. dude, it's a whole bunch of free lumber, I can't let it go to waste.
So, that's been some of what I've been up to. Also, on Monday we spur of the moment decided to drive to DesMoines and buy a new car. That took up most of a day that I wasn't planning on, but it turned out well. I always like a trip to DesMoines and we traded in our two pathetic vehicles for one sharp looking Trailblazer. It's a black '02 and we look like we should be a part of the presidential motorcade. Much for fun to drive than a mini van!

Today Andrea and I are off to Fort Dodge. Not as exciting as DesMoines, but we're hoping to get some coffee (at McDonalds), check out the consignment store, and shop for a swimming suit for her. Now, I'm not at all about spoiling my sister and usually I'd say, save your money and buy it for yourself. But she's been a huge help to me this week and the reason she needs a suit is
because she's not comfortable in the two piece that she has (I've seen it, it's warrented) . If I can promote modesty at the swimmng pool, then I'm all for that. So we'll see what we can find.

Sincerity

So I heard something cool on the radio today:
The word "sincerity" comes from (I didn't hear Greek or Latin) meaning "without wax." What that meant was in ancient times when potters would crack a pot they were firing they would hide the flaw with beeswax and still sell the piece as flawless. Honest potters would advertise their products to be "without wax." If you think about being sincere, or how we are to be sincere in our Christian lives it means being "without wax;" no trying to hide the flaws and imperfections but rather rooting them out. I love a good word. :)

Coke Zero

You want to know how desperate I am today, just look at what I'm drinking: a cherry coke zero that I found in the church fridge. Now I don't have anything particular against coke zero or cherry flavoring, it's just that I make it a point to not drink much pop because I essentially see it as unnecessary poison . You know how they say "choose your poison"? Well I choose mine to be coffee, however, I am currently not drinking coffee because the caffeine gives me the munchies. But today I seem to be in a funky rut (a funk I can't get out of) and although I might have promised my next child to anyone who could provide me with a good place to get a latte, I'm out of luck. And so you find me here at my desk, 10:30 in the morning, drinking a forgotten coke in hopes that it will give me the bright spot I need to make it through today. Pretty sure I'm supposed to be looking to God for that, not coco-cola. But like I said, a funk. Nothing's really even particularly out of the ordinary bad. Maybe it's the head cold that has finally taken over control of my brain and enveloped me in a dark cloud. It's another gorgeous day. Not too hot, not too cold, sunny and not humid. I got my garden weeded yesterday and it's growing nicely. I also got my three wedding presents and three birthday presents wrapped (what can I say, when it rains, it pours!). For the next two weeks it's looking like I will have house guests which should be fun. My little sister, Andrea, wants to stay next week. She's 14 years younger, but we have good times together and she's great with Parker. The week after that Jessica and Ysabella ( a mom friend with her one year old) are coming up from Council Bluffs. We're making plans for biking and swimming and stuff. It might be interesting having two very different babies in the house though. Then after that the plan is to drive to Kansas City for the weekend. Once I get there, it will be fun and a nice mini vacation away from normal life, however the 4 hour drive with a 15 month old is a mountain I have to get past first...And so you see, I have lots to look forward to. And yet I still feel that I need a latte to make things start looking up. Maybe I'm going through withdrawl. Again.