I took this yesterday and thought it was hilarious. The no shirt and sweatpants was due to a diaper blow out a few minutes previous. He enjoys chasing me around the church with the fly swatter.

"Man, we need more outlets in this house."

I don't know what he pretends this is,

but he likes to get the popcorn popper by the cord
and drag it around the house.
The kid has a dog...maybe he needs a horse?

Friday-Hooray!

I have a love-hate relationship with Fridays. That's the day that I work 7 hours a church. I know you're thinking, whoo hoo, 7 hours, big deal. But see, by the end of the week, I'm frazzled and Parker is tired of being postponed, so 7 hours of keeping him happy and getting the bulletin done really is a big deal. That and 7 hours here in this office is a long time so I usually end up just plain bored. So, I'm happy that it's Friday and once it's over I have 4 days before I have to be here again, but first I have to survive it.

Today really isn't too bad. I have a saint, also known as the cleaning lady or Grandma Doris that is here on Friday mornings and usually tries to entertain Parker for me for a bit so I can get the bulletin at least started. This morning her and her grandson gave me a good hour to get ahead so I'm at least not frazzled to get things done in time. (obviously since I'm blogging :)). Then the little dear settled down easily for a nice nap so thankfully the hours are passing quickly.

So, since I've got a little time, I think I should really continue my "cast of characters" list. I think I will start back in where I left off with college people. Unfortunately I don't keep touch with very many of them anymore. When I was in college I felt like I had hundreds of friends, maybe I did. But then we graduated and scattered. And well, life just takes over and you kinda have to pick and choose those that you maintain. It's a sad truth, well unless you're amazing and outgoing, which I am not.
Alright, enough of that, first let's have Amy. Amy's not just any college person though. She was my other faithful roommate, for 2.5 years. First in the dorms and then the apartment. Technically I knew her in high school because our basketball teams played each other so it was a funny "conincidence" when Christy recognized her in foodservice. From there we kidna became the three amigos. Even though Amy had her own room that first year, she was usually in ours and would sometimes just sleep on the couch. We took classes together, break trips, meals, and had all the same friends pretty much. Once Amy officially became a roommate then we would have our crazy Sunday afternoons complete with "Cotton Eyed Joe" and the limbo with the shower shelf. Lots of late nights and good talks. Amy is a natural encourager and great to share clothes with. You know that might be one of the things I miss the most about having roommates is how my clothing options expanded three-fold. Anyway...So now Amy is married to Caleb and they live four hours away in Kansas City. Bleck. Why doesn't anyone live by me??!! I get to see her now and again when they come to visit her in-laws. Mike and I went down to visit once, pre-Parker. We tried again, but where thwarted by an ice storm. Hey, maybe that's what I should do with my no-bulletin weekend.....
Now Caleb comes next by default because he's attached to Amy (and has been since sometime freshman year, hehe) . Caleb is good for making you think hard, but he's kind too so he's not one of those people you feel stupid around. We got to know him because Christy worked with him and then invited him on that first sking trip (I'm beginning to feel like a looser that wouldn't have had any friend in college if not for Christy. The only ones I drew on my own were creepy. Jesh). He and I took Logic class together and I remember once that I got a better score than him on a test and I was so proud. Mostly though, he got me through that class. Wish I remember more of that stuff. I also remember sitting with Caleb in the library and talking about Amy. :) Ah the good old days. There's lots more to Caleb, but he propbably won't figure in to many posts as I really don't get to talk to him much any more. Suffice it to say that Amy got a good one when she got him.
There were 6 of us that hung out almost constantly those last years in the dorm, I've told you three; Amy, Caleb, and Christy. Then me, Keith and Derek. We had some really fun times. Stuff I never would've done otherwise. Lots of playing of games. Of all sorts...Unfortunately, I really don't get to see or talk to either of those last two any more. I miss them and their own unique elements. Doubt I'll ever meet anyone else much like either one of them...All six of these people have played a huge part in the person I have become. Either they've been there through the life lessons that can't help but change you or I saw in them some valuable element that I wanted to emulate. Even down to what footwear I choose to align myself with. I'm afraid Derek Martin can always take credit for introducing our pod to a higher level of footwear.
One more person for today and that would be Melisssa, or Mel. She started out as one of my Bible study girls, but has continued as one of my best friends. She has this bright spirit that is always so encouraging as is her continual desire for the truth. She's a huge challange to me both by the way she lives and the way she desires to live and in the fact that she'll ask me questions so I'd better know or find some answers. :) It's been cool how God works things out that we go through a lot of the same stuff in life, either at the same time or one after another. It's often made me laugh in a not so funny situation just because God knows what He's doing as he engineers us down to the moment! We have kept in touch since college even though she moved away too...and she went the furthest! So we're mostly letters and e-mails now. Oh and she got married too,and I got to "boss" their wedding. That was fun.
I'd better get on to bigger things now...the baby's been sleeping for almost 3 hours, so I should really be accomplishing something!

Giving up

I am officially giving up on this church. They want their clip art and word art and fancy colors instead of looking up to date and uniform. Fine. They can have it. I'll do whatever they want and just stop caring. I don't know why I did care. I guess I thought they wanted me to use my talents to add my touch, but apparently not. So whatever. I really feel like I just don't fit in here. And I don't really know if I want to. So I'll just pull a little bit further back into my shell and just keep going through the motions. It's too much work to care.

Wishing for some coffee and a good book...

I write really long posts. Sorry. And they're usually rather downcast. Sorry about that too. Here's a laugh for you: Parker is currently climbing on top of a toy washing machine turned on it side so that he can "slide" down the lid of is that is laying open. It doesn't matter to him that there's maybe a 2% decline down a 6 inch lid; he still claps and says "eeeee!" each time.

One of those days...

And it's only noon. Actually, things have improved lately. But this morning I got up around 6:30 because I had to be to camp to open the coffee shop by eight (I forgot to mention that I manage the new coffee shop thing at Twin Lakes Christian Center). There was a bridge group coming in and I had agreed to host them before I had to be at church to work by 9. So, Mike was going to take care of Parker and bring him down when they got up. I had been nervous about how it would go, mostly because there wasn't much time margin for error and because this whole shop is a new endeavor and we've still got a lot of bugs to work out. So I get down there and realize, I had forgotten my key. No problem, I just open the pass through door at the counter and climb in. Except, I need things from the kitchen and there is no way in there without a key. Worse yet, I realize that I also forgot the milk and cream that I bought yesterday. No way to make a mocha without the milk. And I'm expecting customers in 10 minutes. So I call the boss (who lives across the street) thinking he should be up by 7:50. Nope. Wake him up. But he has a key and a half a gallon of milk, so it will have to do because there is nothing in the camp fridge. He's a bit groggy, but he comes over and helps me get going. I also forgot my bean grinder but I do find a way around that. I think this is all proof that I should not leave the house without my morning coffee...Anyway, I get everything all set, the coffee brewed, 8:30 and still no customers. The boss casually mentions that he thinks they start at 9. Oh really? So that makes all my issues mute; I could've slept, let the boss sleep, and had Mike bring the milk. Not to mention not brewed the coffee an hour early. And now my other issue is that I'm supposed to be at my other job at 9. So I haveto call there to say I will be late. I just leave a message at the church though because the Pastor is a notoriously late sleeper and I don't want to risk waking anyone else up.Also, Mike has to be at work at 9 so he can no longer watch the baby. Oh well, at least I am ready for them. But wait, I'm not! The lady leading this group coming in has other ideas about the way things should be set up. So she re-arranges my re-arranging, brings her own baked goods, and tells me to erase the prices off the sign I stayed up late last night to make. And then she comes over and gives me a hug saying "are you enjoying this little coffee shop project?!" Um......yeah. So that was my morning, all before 9 a.m. But I survived and hopefully learned a little bit about being flexible. That's what Mike says camp is good for. Flexiblity is not my strong point, so this is going to be an interesting summer. The "coffee shop" is a room in an exhisting building that they just redid to make it more of a coffee shop atmosphere and then got a few machines to put in the kitchenette. I really like the idea but am frustrated by how limited I am. The space is used for other things too, so I don't have a permenant set up; not even to leave my ingredients in the fridge without danger of them being used. Then there's just the lack of a customer base and a budget to really do things right. If I'm going to have my name on this shop I want it to be the real thing and not just a poor attempt like the other three total "coffee shops" in a 40 mile radius. Oh wait, only two, another one just closed. (to it's credit there are one, maybe two, decent ones in Storm Lake) At the very least, if I can't make it up to my standards, then let's not advertise it to be the real thing until we can. They want me to make fancy drinks with fancy names, but dude, I don't even have an espresso machine. I'm not blaming anyone really; camp does not have the money to pour into this, and it isn't likely to pay back very quickly so it's not worth the risk. I guess maybe I'm just regretting taking on this albatross. It's going to complicate my summer greatly; and I'm going to have to do most of it with a baby on one hip. I did it because, well if there's going to be a coffee shop I want it done right and because I've been wanting to get more involved at camp and this seemed right up my alley. Well maybe my alley is a dead end! At least I get to have real cream in a little cream pitcher....

I'm sorry, I'll stop complaining now. That was just my vent. It will probably all be ok, I just have higher expectations than are warranted. I do that to myself a lot and God is working on me about that. Unfortunately there's not really a pleasant way to learn that lesson.

Speaking of lessons though, I heard a good one on the radio yesterday. The teacher was talking about the heart of a true servant, using Jesus of course as the example. He used scripture to show how we are all called to have a servant's heart and live as servants to God in this world. He then talked about being content where you are in life and said if you are not content you either are in the wrong place or have the wrong attitude. Now, in my case, I'm pretty sure I have the wrong attitude so I was listening when he went on to say that a true servant does not leave the position his master has placed him in. That's not an option. He serves in his place, no matter what the situation or how difficult it might get. So if you know you are in the place God called you to be, then you should not be complaining against it but rather serving there and maybe looking for the reasons for this particular place. That really made sense to me as I do have bitterness about the "place" I am right now; that being what seems to me middle-of-no-where Iowa with a husband that I barely get to see. Even this past year I have had questions about this particular child God chose to give us and this particular husband that I seem to have nothing in common with. Not wanting out of those two things but just wondering, "are you sure God? What were you thinking?" But those aren't such bad questions on the road to contentment; I think God is willing to answer anything that is going to help me understand His heart better. But I still need to choose my attitude. I am confident that it was God's idea that I marry Mike and since going home to farm was always his dream and things just fell into place to do so lately, I trust his judgement that this is the place we are to be right now. So that means for me it's time to buckle down and get to work. Making a good marriage when it seems all the outside forces are working against us. And making a good home when sometimes I can't stand the reality of where I live and miss Ames horribly. The exciting part is looking back and to see what God was doing in me and through me by bringing me here. And it won't be forever. Those are the worst days; when I feel like my adventures are over and I'll be stuck on this wind ripped prairie forever. At the very "least" there's always eternity. Life is not horrible here, there are lots of good things about it and I need to focus on them. I am extremely blessed, maybe just again dealing with my expectations...so don't take this all as a complaint but rather just some introspection ending in gratefulness to God that his perspective it so much bigger than mine. Some day I will say "I wouldn't have had it any other way!"

You know you're a parent when...

I've had two recent revelations about how things change when you become a parent:
1. You know you've got a little boy when one of the first criteria for buying a rug is if it will be good for driving tractors on (not too thick, good pattern for pretend roads, etc.). I'm serious; I know he's only 1 but tractors are a big part of his world already so I might as well buy my flooring preemptively.
2. You know you're a parent when your best come on is "I've got thirty minutes, do you have any energy?" :P Pathetic no? If anyone has any better suggestions, I'm open to them. Man, I really am getting a lot of "adult content" in here lately. :)

Also pathetic was what I found myself saying last night. We had a really nice couple over for supper; older than us though, more grandparent age. They were talking about the 16 person dinner party they threw for several of their friends. Later I found myself thinking, gee I wish I was old so I would have some friends around here. Then I realized how ridiculous that sounded. But it's true. If you want friends in this area, you kinda have to have been born before 1960. Not even sure how to go about fixing that problem. There's one young couple that moved here recently that I want to have over and get to know better. They've just been married a few months and are expecting a baby. However, I just found out that they ended up moving to a town 45 minutes away so I don't know if I should even pursue it....I don't blame people my age for not wanting to move here but I sure would appreciate it if they did. Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against friendships with people older than myself, in fact I think they are very valuable. But I would like just one, nearby friend that is at a similar stage in life as I am. Just one. I have a few mom friends around here and I appreciate them, but they're still at least 6 years older than me and while not much, it's enough to feel the difference sometimes. I just want to be inexperienced and confused together!

It seems that all the people I do know at a similar stage in life as I (none who live close) are pregnant again. I kinda feel left out because I liked all being pregnant at the same time and having kids the same age. But not feeling enough left out to jump on the band wagon. Mike and I agree that we want our kids a little more spread out. We want to enjoy Parker by himself awhile longer, especially now that he's becoming a little more enjoyable. Also, neither one of us feels capable of handling two just yet; we're still recovering. Now that's not to say that God's will can't come in to play here and we would be fine with that. We're just not feeling called to add to our "quiver" right now, but if God thinks differently, we won't be shocked or appalled. This morning I suggested to Mike that we just wait till all those guys were on round three and then we could have twins and catch up. :) He didn't really like that suggestion.

Holy cow, have you ever had your shirt blow off? I just about did. Just now. Really. It was on it's way to up around my neck, blowing right off my back. Thankfully I have things for it to get caught on. :P Oh...maybe I should mark this "adult content" after that comment...Anyways, it's stinking windy today. Darn Northwest Iowa anyway. Really, last night on the news they said for DesMoines, "it will be particularly windy North and West of here." That would be us. No trees, no hills, nothing to provide windbreak. Just never ending wind. If you don't like wind it's a bad sign when they put up a windmill farm all around your house....I know everyone has a little fondness somewhere, probably, for where they grew up, but really not many redeeming factors about this prairie land. I mean, it is pretty sometimes, but I still hope people don't judge Iowa by this corner.

Switzerland Embodied

I get confused. Since I only "work" Wednesday - Friday, Wednesdays always feel like Mondays to me and I find it odd that most people are actually half way through their work weeks by now. I say "work" because I actually am a lot busier and more productive when I'm now "working" but at home doing the millions of things I have to do there. Like today, I'm trying to get two vehicles ready to sell, clean up the bathroom after a plumbing issue, clean up the house in general before I have company for supper, and fix supper for company that I really would like to make a good impression on. All to be done today with a 14 month old in one arm. And here I sit, typing. Maybe I'd better leave early today.....I'm not complaining about my to do list though, I like to be busy with tasks that leave a sense of of accomplishment.
Anyway, that is not the topic for today anyway. The topic for today, is why do I seem to always become the middle man? It happens to me a lot, I go from moderating my brothers, to my roommates, and now my in-laws. Mike says it's because I'm neutral. Am I unaware of the stamp on my forehead that says "Switzerland" or what? I'm not moderating this one, but simply hearing it from all sides. I suppose that's nice, at least I know everyone's point of view, but I hope they don't expect me to do anything about it because I sure don't know how to fix this one. It goes way too far back for me to fix. So I listen and pray I say the right thing. So that's what I know today...I'll probably right more later when I run out of work to do here at my desk....

The Cast

Before I go much further I thought maybe I should provide you with a sketch of the characters in this drama.

So, first of all there would be my husband, Mike. He's a hardworking and very patient guy. We moved to his home farm a little over a year ago and he's working two jobs now to make it all work. Both jobs could be considered "high need" so I don't see nearly as much of him as I'd like to. And usually when I do, we're both exhausted. Hence my earlier reference to fire and refining. We have some good days. We "fell in love" back in college after spending considerable amounts of time "chatting" on MSN messenger. (and my college roommates roll their eyes) I think my favorite semester was the one where we were publicly "just friends" but we knew each others' class schedules and would just happen to meet up at the same place in the sidewalk and then sit and talk until Mike missed his bus. :D I've often been tempted to have us both sign up for e-harmony just to see if we would happen to be matched " on the seven levels of compatibility." I really doubt it. We really are very much different. But Mike says that if we were similar we'd be boring. I think having it a little more boring might be nice....Maybe by the time we're 70 we'll figure it out. We still have good times and we make cute kids...

Then you have character #2, our son, Parker. He was born March 10, 2008 (you do the math) and hasn't given us a moment's peace since. Being a mother is nothing like what I had expected. God is teaching me to let go of expectations. Parker is intense and constantly on the go. He doesn't sleep much and doesn't like his mama to get out of his sight for too long. But I am deciding to enjoy being so popular for as long as I can along with enjoying cuddling him all... night...loooooong. You could probably classify him as "high need." But along with all the demands he's also showing signs of being extremely social and creative and intelligent. We've been teaching him baby sign language for the last several months and wow can that boy communicate. 7:30 a.m. the other day and he was sitting up in bed giving me the signs for "eat" and "cheese." He knows what he wants. We have fun, hanging out all day, riding bikes, going to the park, cooking. I'm extremely grateful that I can stay home with him, even on the days I'm pulling my hair out. He's more or less walking now too and pretty hard to resist as he teeters around the house on his straight little legs.

#3 would probably have to be my friend Christy. We've been friends since 8th grade and the night that I went to sleepover at her house and we decided that we weren't as into boys as the other girls because we had brothers and understood boys better. Haha. After that we ended up roommates at Iowa State for four years after she talked me into it. I'd have to say that she knows me better than anyone else and has put up with a lot from me through roomming together and guys and getting married and all. But wouldn't you know, the week after I get married she ups and moves out to middle-of-no-where Wyoming and leaves me to figure out this marriage stuff by myself. And she likes it there! So I've given up hope on ever getting her back...although I keep offering her a room in my upstairs. But we still keep in touch a lot and I still run most things by her before I do much...

There you have it, the 3 main players. Don't worry, there are more, but that's all we have time for today, and probably the three that I will refer to the most in my "musings.

A decision to blog

I'm not a big computer person, but I love to type. Something about how I just think words and my fingers can fly over the keyboard and make them appear on the screen is still amazing to me. Get used to it; I think stuff like this a lot. So, I also love to journal and if you put journaling and typing together and you have blogging. (Duh) So I decided to give it a try. I don't know that anyone will ever read this; will I even tell anybody that it exists? Mostly I just want a place to spread my random thoughts, because I have a lot of them and not a ready outlet. I also have a lot of dead online time due to my job as a church secretary. I'm supposed to be answering the phone, but it rarely if ever rings. So, I shall instead type and sit in wonder at the talent of my fingers. :)

I got the niggle to blog after reading about some friends of mine that are hiking the Appalachian Trail. Now there's something to write about. Compared to that my daily diaper changing, bulletin folding, and laundry doing routine seems like a "Dick & Jane" kind of read. Oh well. When bemoaning my nothingness to my friend she said maybe I could fulfill my need for adventure by completing large projects. Well I hope she's right because I have a lot of big projects that need doing. For instance, on Wednesday afternoon I tore the carpet out of what is soon to be my son Parker's room. Mostly this just required a lot of tugging; up from the floor and then down the stairs and out the door. Next the carpet pad. And then finally the linolium. My efforts were well worth it though because underneath it all was a fairly nice wood floor. I love that old linolium was stapled instead of glued. We've got his room almost done now; Mike (my husband) painted a great farm scene mural on the wall and I'm in search of a good area rug. My last big part of that room is to convert my college loft into a kids loft. Mike says it's not possible, but I'm determined to use it somehow. See, my dad custom made that loft for us and through the three years we used it, our friends wrote all over it. It has a lot of good memories. To many to just burn. So, someway, it's going to make it into my house again.

See...isn't my life exciting? :P Yeah I know...but as Chuck Swindoll says, it's all about attitude and that's what I'm working on, moment by moment most days. I do believe that I am currently where God wants me to be and doing what He wants me to do. That fact should fill me will incredible joy and anticipation. That it does not is evidence that I still have a lot of growing to do and that this "fire" is still refining. Thankfully, He is forever gracious and patient with me regardless of my current feelings. Someday I might begin to catch up in appropriate gratefulness to the blessings He daily bestows.